Learn how to define your lanes to avoid the on-going pains. “A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.” – John D. Rockefeller
How to Create a Healthy Partnership
Step 1 – Determine who has the majority vote on decisions
Step 2 – Define your lane to avoid the pain
Step 3 – Stay in your lane and don’t complain
Model Homes – Bishop T.D. & Serita Jakes [January 12, 2020]
Jason, do you remember that meeting we were in where we were talking about anything with anything that has two heads is a monster. Yeah. We were having a lot of inputs from all sides and things are getting crazy and all I could think about was the Hydra, you know, the Greek monster that has hundreds of heads. How, how often do you see clients that fight with their business partner or their life partner about business decisions? More often than I’d like to admit. And so what we want to encourage you to do today is to figure out what lane you should stick in to avoid that perpetual pain. We want to teach you that anything with two heads is a monster. Remember this, stay in your lane to avoid perpetual pain because anything with two heads is in fact a monster.
Some shows don’t need a celebrity in the writer to introduce the show, but this show does to me. Eight kids co-created by two different women. 13 Moke time, million-dollar businesses. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the thrive time show.
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Thrive nation on today’s show. If you have ever found yourself well
in a state of perpetual conflict with your business partner, this is the show for you. But I wanted to add a little texture to it by uh, asking you, Jason as a business consultant. Um, is this not a common problem where the business owner has a business partner that they are in conflict with? Is this not a common thing? It is very common. So I’ve, I’ve typically seen it with somebody who has a longstanding business partner. They started the business together. One person handles one thing, they handle the other, and then the, for some reason they’ll clash in the middle. Or on the flip side, if you have somebody who started a business and then they brought their spouse on. So we’re going to talk about creating a healthy partnership, uh, and we’re going to build it from the foundation and work our way up.
Okay? So this is how to create a healthy partnership, how to create a healthy partnership. Step one, doctor Z talks about this all the time. Dr Zellner talks about this all the time. Jason, why does he say you want to start off where you have the understanding from day one that there is one person who has the 51% owner, one person who has the controlling vote. Why does he always say right away, step number one, do not have a 50, 50 partnership. Why does he say this all the time? Because that’s where the bulk of any partnership conflict comes from, is if there’s not one single entity in charge of the entire operation, you immediately, you immediately get a committee and you don’t want a committee because committees don’t get things. They just go back and forth. So right away, step number one, somebody’s writing these down.
Step number one right away. If you’re thinking about starting a business with somebody right now, if you have a business with somebody right now, figure out you want to determine who is the 51% voter, okay? Determine, determine who has the majority vote. Determine who has the majority vote. Now let’s talk about this and I’m not going to get you in trouble, Jason. I’m just going to, um, kind of almost get you in trouble a lot on this show. That’s all right. We can go there. Here we go. Your incredible wife. How long have you been married to your incredible life since August 31st and you are very interested in her very, and she’s very interested in you. One would hope. And uh, she’s a great lady. Yes she is. She’s amazing. And my wife is a great lady. Great lady. It’s turned out, I’ve been married almost 20 years now.
Now here’s the thing. My wife is interested in, in cheerleading. She loves cheerleading. And I want to make a list for the listeners out there. The things that I care about, thousands of things are on that list. And the one thing at the bottom of my list of the thing, there’s, there’s things I could not care less about. Cheerleading is at the very bottom. It’s seriously it. Cheerleading is the thing that I care about the least of anything in the whole world. Yeah. Ever. I could not. I mean, clay, do you want to sit down and and read, um, you know, do you want to read early, early writings from obscure authors for the rest of your day about communism or go to cheerleading? Some manifestos are truly, you probably read the communist manifesto. Do, do you want to go outside and watch that grass grow or do you want to watch cheerleading?
Well, given the options, I’ll go outside and watch that grass grow. You say, do you, do you want to do burpees at, at Tulsa fitness systems with Clint Howard or go to cheer? How many burpees are we talking because I am not interested in cheerleading. Yeah, but she is not interested in reading Seth Golden’s purple cow. So what happens is I am interested in Robert Green’s book mastery. I am interested in the purple cow by Seth Goden. I am infinitely interested in how successful people achieved success. I am constantly in quest in search of knowledge that I did not gain in college. To me, my vocation is my calling. It is what I do. It is what I love to do. I am always interested in the following three things. All I care about is learning, earning and burning. Jason, you’ve seen this. It’s true. Learning how to make more money, how to become more efficient, how to become better at something, earning money.
It’s fun and burning pinion wood. That’s about all I’m interested in. Now your backseat is full of like hundreds of opinion logs right now. That’s right. And that’s that. That is what I’m into though. And my wife is into cheerleading. So what happens is if we worked together on a daily basis and tried to come up with a coherent marketing strategy for elephant in the room, there would be some serious conflict. And why would there be conflict, Jason, if I tried to sit down with my wife and come up with a comprehensive marketing strategy for elephant in the room, why? Why do you suspect there might be a conflict? Well, you guys are going to see very differently what that marketing strategy is and if you can’t come to an agreement then there’s going to be a conflict. And what kind of business do you think my wife would open?
If you were to open up a business of her own because she handles all the accounting and all the financing for our companies and does a phenomenal job. He knows all the legal aspects, but what business do you think that she would open? Cause she’s talked about this before. What kind of business do you think it would be? Let’s see, I’m going to start off with a two. So some sort of like tumbling or cheer instruction, gym. Interesting. Then the second, I would say some sort of like fresh pressed juice line. Wait a second. So you’re saying without having talked to my wife, your first guest was a tumbling or cheer gym. Yeah. You went all the mega points. You know why you went on the mega points because you’re observant and because my wife loves cheerleading. Yeah. And do you know what I would say every meeting, if I found myself owning a cheer gym and during every meeting, probably not a lot to be a lot of like grunting is audio of me of what this is what I would say if I found myself in a meeting with cheer moms discussing the upcoming cheer event.
It’s like I picked the wrong week, we smoke or drink,
like I picked the wrong week. I seriously could not handle my life if my life consisted of going to cheer events each and every weekend I would hate my life and there recently there’s a documentary that just came out about a cheerleading that my wife wants to watch and trying to get me to watch that and I’m like, no, and I’m going to play the listeners just a quick excerpt from this because I watched about an hour of that and my soul almost killed itself, but I feel like my soul, I could hear and it sounded a lot like smuggle, but it was like, stop watching this and so I’m going to play a little audio for it. I want you to the listeners out there to, to new, it’s a new Netflix show about cheerleading. Um, it’s, I think it’s called sheer sheer. Yeah. Let me, let me cue up the audio and I’ll just tell you why I can’t watch this. Let me queue it up right away. There’s a girl flipping that’s kind of cool.
right, right away. Hairspray. I don’t understand cheerleading. I don’t know. I don’t understand. Like when you go there, there is so much hairspray, so much everywhere. And it was so much hairspray. I mean, it’s an unbelievable hairspray and I don’t, I don’t, I don’t get it. But I continue. Now there are dudes that are, are, are dancing and prancing and they are choreographing. And I really can’t hang out with dudes that are printing. Now, if you want a Prince and you’re a dude, that’s cool. And I encourage you go Prince. But I cannot be around dudes that are printing continue
won the grand championship several times they could do to anybody. No. Now
this, the show is about a school called Navarro. It’s a junior college that does very well. And somehow they’re the best cheer leading a squad in America, but yet they’re a junior college essentially, but they’re beating all the big schools. And that’s cool. I can do that. But the problem is after, after each and every cheer performance, when you go out there and perform, you’re, you’re cheerleading and you’re, you’re dancing around and you’re doing flips and all this. Um, they don’t, they don’t announce a score, right? So like if you watch swimming or a basketball or volleyball, you could clearly tell who’s winning and who’s not. Right. In cheer, you have no idea who’s winning or who’s losing. Now, for those of you who have not been to cheer events like I have been to, my daughters are into cheer. They love it. I love my daughters.
I love watching them cheer. But they’re going to perform for less than three minutes. And then the whole weekend, I mean, literally you’re staying in a hotel on Friday night and then they only perform for three total minutes over the whole weekend. I went to two cheer, Vinson, high school. Adrenaline had to go. We were there from sunup to sundown. Like you said, we did maybe three minutes if not less, and by the time that we got the scores we got like fifth and my first thought was we’ll do, we could see how everybody else did cause our drum line was better. I wanted to know the score and they were like, Oh no, they don’t tell you. Right. You see it’s blow. So again, I would probably like cheer more. I’d probably, I mean again, if they were trying to win my vote and I know they’re not, but I would give cheerleading a big, definitive mega point and they would just keep score after their performance.
Why can’t the judges just judges just make their judgements and do whatever they do? I know they rate it based on choreography and accuracy and the difficulty of the stunts. I get it just put the freaking score on the scoreboard. Every time I watched cheerleading I flick, I’m watching the communist. It’s like the communist Olympics or something. It’s like, could you imagine watching? Could you imagine watching basketball and then they don’t determine what the score is. They’re just running around. It would be super weird at least cause I, the only sport I watched is MMA and people are like, well I don’t understand how, how it works. Well there is a definitive scoring system and even if you don’t get it at the very end of the round, the announcer comes out and says, okay, well it’s scored 38 35 24 28 what’s going on? And I gotta be honest with you, I don’t like MMA, but I like MMA 117 times more than cheer. I know that cockfighting is illegal, but I’d rather watch cockfighting than do it. Cause I don’t, they don’t keep score, right? They don’t. I mean seriously cheerleading people out there keep freaking score. Why can you guys not, why can’t you guys not keep score? It’s like what is the sport sponsored by Joseph Stalin? What? What’s the deal? Why can’t you keep score
[inaudible] wise? If you’re out there and you want to win over cheer dads or get some dads to care at all or anybody just keep score, there’d be so many dads, they’re just like screaming and like football pain. If they knew what the score was, we don’t know the score. We want to know the score. Just keep score, but they’re not going to keep
score. So we continue so they’re not, they’re not keeping score. Now the next part about cheer again and we’re just breaking down. You know, again, I’m trying to help you stay in your lane. Let’s continue again. Here we go.
Okay. People from all over the country come here to cheer for Monica.
This Monica lady’s a tough business coach. I can get behind that. You know that part kind of, you know, she’s a great business coach. She brings in kids and, and talent and uh, that’s cool, but they don’t keep score continued. Navarro, where’s it located? Well, I guess I’m going there. These people who are the chairman are people that are into cheer and I love that. But I’m just trying to tell you, this is my view on friendships. I want to spend time with dudes that I share their values and their goals. That that to me is what a friendship is. I’m going to spend time with people that I share their values and their goals. Jason, why would it make sweaty? Why are your friends that you hang out with? Why do you, I don’t know, share the same values and goals with the people that you would call a friend.
Also, the reason why I hang out with who I hang out with is it gives my life purpose and I don’t feel like I’m just spinning my wheels and you come to find out if you ask any of my good friends, Hey, when’s the last time you had an argument with Jason? There’ll be like, I don’t know, because we’re so like-minded. We don’t clash when it comes to things, but what if you hung out with people? But let’s just say for a second. Let’s just say just for the sake of argument, because we’re trying to create the situation that is the argument. What would happen if you hung out with people that were, had a totally different worldview than you and were complete, sold out communists who absolutely hated what you did for a living. It would get really annoying really fast. Yeah, so let’s think about this and the game of business.
You’ve got to have a decision maker. There’s gotta be somebody who’s the and somebody who’s not the leader. So step one, determine who has the majority vote when it comes to making decisions. Okay. Now step two, the all-boy step to define your lanes. Define your lanes. Jason, why does my wife do accounting and why do I, why do I do the recruitment? The human resources, the marketing, the sales. Why? Why, why does she do accounting and legal? Why do, why do the marketing, the recruiting of people to sales. Why, what could you guys have decided what your own personal no-go zones are? If, if I were to see you ever do or to like I sit down and like do accounting or go over all the legal stuff. I would assume you are going through like a very, very difficult time in your life. Cause I know how much you hate that stuff.
You’ve been very vocal about it and that’s okay cause you decided Hey I don’t want to do this. And she said Hey I actually enjoy doing this and vice versa. She doesn’t want to do the nonstop meeting. She doesn’t want to have to worry about writing and print pieces and stuff like that. So you guys just defined who’s doing what and then you separated those tasks out. So then each of you could Excel in the areas that you chose. Now step three, stay in your lane to avoid the pain. [inaudible] now let’s talk about this. If I am in charge of the branding for elephant in the room or for make your life Epic or for our podcast, whatever. And I want to make the logo red, white and blue for the thrive time show. What if I had to run that by my wife? She might not like red, white and blue.
Shinners probably orange and green and there’s probably is probably, it turns out most women want something different than dude’s true. So think about your wedding reception. I’m not trying to get you in trouble. I’m trying to get help here. Now this is good for your, uh, our reception tables. You got married at the botanical gardens. Beautiful venue. Yup. Did your wife choose what the guys would wear? I chose what the guys would wear. Got it. And she chose what the bridesmaids would wear. Who chose what centerpieces go on the tables. So other than my groomsmen. Yep. The DJ and what the groomsmen were wearing. I had no say. There you go. And you know, what? Did it bother you? Nope. We sat down with Andrew when he was planning out the photo, uh, I guess a schedule and we realized we needed more planning. So we took that to Tina, who is my mother in law and we said, okay, here’s all the things we need to address.
I want nothing to do with any of this other than these plants. She don’t care about her. You care about her. You just don’t need to put your input into it. Right. Because I realized if I care about her, I shouldn’t put my input into it cause we’re not gonna agree. There it is. You get anything with two heads is a monster. Your life partner does not need to be your business partner. You don’t, you do not need to bring it. You don’t need to get your wife’s approval on your logo. And for all the ladies out there that own a business, you don’t need to get your husband’s approval on a logo. But what happens Jason? Cause you see it 99% of the time when us, when when a business owner decides to bring in their spouse and give them a token vote. Yep.
What happens when the lady entrepreneur brings in her husband and gives him a token vote about the logo? What happens? He suddenly puts his big boy pants on and decides he’s going to make a drastically different decision. And then that way, let’s say you’re business coaching conflict. So not only is there a conflict and the action on them can’t get done, it’s just repetitively being blocked. But then those two will potentially start to resent each other because they don’t see eye to eye. And so recently TD Jakes did a sermon called model homes and he suggests that some of us might need to do some remodeling. And our relationship was really good actually. And the sermon is called model homes. It was released on January 12th of 2020. I encourage everybody to listen to the entirety of the sermon, but I wanted to play a small excerpt from the sermon of Bishop TD Jakes sharing the stage as he rarely does with his wife Serita Jakes.
Normally he does not bring up his incredible wife onto the stage. Um, but on this particular, uh, sermon, he brought his wife up in those two, discussed their relationship. He talks about why he has a man cave, why she has a she cave, and why the two of them have not by consensus and by compromise agreed upon a we cave. Now, I know there’s very, very, very few listeners out there that have a man cave. Hmm. Oh, but I do, and I’m trying to make an argument right now that you would give your spouse if you’re a man married to a woman, I would recommend you give her a she cave called the entire house, and then you would have a man cave called your room or your walkout basement or your attic or something. Because just listen to TD Jakes, one of the top pastors in America, he’s a best selling author. He’s a real estate developer. He is a screenwriter. He’s actually won a Grammy. He’s been a New York times bestselling author. He’s a minister. He’s had a lot of success and listen to him describe why he needs his own space and she needs her own space. Why he needs his lane and she needs her lane and not any further ado. Let’s play the audio for you
and other ways. We are very different. Okay. And most of the time I got a man-cave. I spent a lot of time in the man-cave. Our bedroom has become her. She cave and you can tell by the music how we are. If I’m playing music, it’s loud, it’s lumping, it’s bumping, it’s moving, it’s gone, it’s boom, boom, boom, boom. If you walk right down the hall, she’s playing spar music,
candles on it. The room smells like something. I can’t even identify.
falling. Wrote it in drums all in the sphere. It is very quiet. It is very peaceful. It is very nice. But if I stay over there too long, I would probably commit suicide. Hang myself by my belt till I died cause I need drama. Give me something dry for God. Say, give me some drama. Kick over. I land for something. Make something noise. Take care of pain. Stop. I need drama. I’m an extrovert. I want no, you understand me? I don’t want to come home to the tomb of lads.
I gotta have activity that know I lie, they go, I come in the house, the whole atmosphere in the house changing. I’m moving this house, turn as it, this gotta be done. I’m on the phone. I got this going, I got that going. I got, I got TV going and music going. All of my senses have to be stimulated at the same time. My, I did my ear gate, all of it gotta be ingested information simultaneously at the same time. She’s over there.
so, so I tried to live in her world. I tried to live in her world, but she’s an introvert. So what that means, it doesn’t mean that she’s shot, doesn’t mean that she can’t function on stage. It doesn’t mean that she can’t do what she’s doing right now. It does mean that what she’s doing now doesn’t feed her.
It drains her. It reverse can do anything that extroverts can do, but they are fed from different sources. I read fuel in this atmosphere. You see me jumping up and moving around. I read through. The more I do this, the better I get. I preach fever out of my body, sickness out of my body, tired out of my body. If you let me do what I do, when I do what I do, like I do it. I will invigorated, I will come alive. Arthritis will go. Swelling will leave by joy. I’ll move up and do everything. I am an extra burden. This is my sleep. This is my rest. This is my life. This is my joy and I only go to bed so I can do it again.
So again, he’s, he’s pointing out, I think with great detail. He’s saying, Hey, listen. Um, his wife, he loves the spa atmosphere that she’s created. He loves, he loves it, she likes it, he loves it, she loves it, but he doesn’t want to live in it. Exactly. And she loves it. He has his man cave where he’s writing bestselling books and cranking up hip hop music. But she doesn’t want to spend a lot of time there. So he suggests that you want to define your lane to avoid the pain. True. And Jason, what happens if you don’t ever define your life? If you don’t ever define your lane, then one, you end up sacrificing the things that make you who you are and you end up giving all of your available time to things that you probably don’t align with. And then you’re living in a realm of cognitive dissonance where you think this way but you act this way.
So let’s talk about it. So step one, determine who has the majority vote on decisions. Step two, define your lane to avoid the pain. Now again, to find your lane to avoid the pain. And in business there is, there’s offense, there’s defense and there is special teams. Now special teams is like your product and your service, your product and your service. Now defense is like a legal and accounting and our fence is marketing, vision sales and Jason, everybody loves marketing vision in sales. Every entrepreneur loves to talk about that. True defense, legal and accounting. Someone has to do it. It doesn’t have to be your spouse just because they’re married to you. It doesn’t mean they want to do accounting or that they’re good at accounting. And I would say of of the like, um, partnership relationships that I have personally business coached, that’s where you get the biggest area of conflict is somebody who is the business owner, whether it be the husband or the wife or whoever is the, uh, sorry, they’re, they’re the business owner and they just bring their spouse on and they say, Hey, I want you to be a part of it.
You’re going to do accounting. And that person does not want to do accounting and are not good at accounting and hire a bookkeeper. Exactly. Hire a bookkeeper, hire an accountant, hire somebody to do these things for you. So that way there’s not constant conflict. But just because you married a woman or a man doesn’t mean that they wanted to do accounting or they’re particularly good at it. True. Let’s, let’s, let’s play this out for a second. In three different industries. Jason, let’s just say for a second a, and again, I’m not trying to get you in trouble. I’m just giving a real example, but you’ve been married for, for how long now? Going on six months and me objective, Lee, I’m not talking about your opinion of this. I’m just saying I believe on a scale of one to 10, if 10 is the world’s best photographer and one is terrible, I think your wife is like a seven and trending towards an eight.
Oh wow. Where she’s gaining more and more experienced her. Her work is beautiful. Yeah. But I’m saying if I’m comparing her against the top photographers in the world, I think she’s like in that seven zone where she’s clearly better than the average person. That’s what, she’s a great professional. Her work looks great and she’s just getting better and better all the time. But what if using that logic of, okay, uh, since I’m marrying someone, they now need to do the accounting. Right. What did we brought that logic in and said, no, because because I’ve married Jason, he’s going to be doing photography. How would that be work for you? Um, we and we can go here. You’re not going to get me in trouble. Cause we’ve had this conversation, uh, early on when I started, you know, following the implementation path, I thought it’d be a good idea to give my input on how she could ramp needs and like dominate.
And we got about an hour in and I didn’t realize I’m just shooting bullet after bullet after bullet. I’m like, Oh this is going to help. She was getting frustrated and sad and confused and because we are married, she wanted to hear my point. But at the same time she realized, you know exactly what you’re talking about when it comes to certain things, but you know nothing about my job. And I just sat there after I, you know, went through the whole pitch thinking that’s sounded great. She’s going to be all in. And she just thought, Nope. So let me give you another example of this because I want to get myself and I want to share a story about what I should not have done years ago. Um, my wife, uh, again loves cheerleading and one of the cheer moms said, you’re a DJ, you’re a DJ.
I said, yes. She says, you are a disc jockey. And I said, I am a DJ. And she said, this is great cause you’re a DJ. And she got that crazy look in her eye and she goes, you mix music, right? And I’m like, Oh yeah, I mixed music. And she said, so you, you could mix um, cheerleading music, right? And I’m going, huh? And she goes, no, you can mix. So this is what I was doing. This is audio. This is actual audio. This is from 2006. This is the kind of crap I spent. Jason, this is 14 years ago. Oh, this is audio. Listen to the crap that I was working on 14 years ago.
[inaudible] when is he Spanish? [inaudible] here’s all about remixing tons of songs. Having been to a chairman’s before. I would say cheer music is the closest thing to what a seizure feels. Oh my gosh. What is that sound? And there’s nice voices like cool name the the the squad. It’ll be like, you could cook Pete hairspray had no speech. Oh, there’s always whips for riding and twerking and no one can sustain a musical thought. They have to change music like every five seconds when people get bored.
That was smile the whole time. Right? I get basketball. If you beat the hell out of someone, no one stops the game. He goes, now you had, you had poor facials. You weren’t all, you weren’t all in buddy. You weren’t, you weren’t focused, but I spent all of my time. I mean it was like massive, massive amounts of my life were spent mixing music for the lady Bulldogs. Listen to this crap. This is making me crazy.
Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. I’m like, Oh, I love this song. Come on now. They have to change it and you can’t sustain a thought. Musically. He started getting in the group, getting in that group. The chorus and the verse and the chorus and a bridge. And then I want to go to the amplify Taurus bringing lo John.
What I spent my time doing. And now if you look at modern cheer music like the current, let’s do, let’s do a NCA, a cheer mix. 2019 okay, so let’s let, let’s see what like the, the top song is. Now let’s do a cheer. NCA, a cheer, a championship. Let me hit play on this. This is, this is the audio. Now let’s listen to this. This is like a,
because it’s faster. Now it gets fast. He gets cheered. Care music goes fast. Here we go. Here we go. I just can’t do it. I can’t. But
imagine for a second, just imagine for a second that I, my wife said, you know, because you, you’re married to me. You always have to mix cheer music for the rest of your life. Which by the way, when we first got married, I thought we’re married, so I’m going to help you with your cheer. I didn’t want to, but a cheer mom was like, Oh, you’re a DJ. You can mix music, right? And I’m going, yes, yes, I a DJ and then so, but just because I can mix the music doesn’t mean that I want to or doesn’t mean that you should write. You’ll drastic Parker hated it so much. They talked about eight counts and beat matching and just hairspray. I cannot handle it. And then women were in my living room who are in their 30s torquing teaching each other, dance moves, making up moves, practicing moves.
It’s like a Janet Jackson dancing instructional videos going on in my house. I cannot handle it. So again, you shouldn’t help your wife with photography. Nope, I shouldn’t mix cheer music. And Tom Brady, um, Tom Brady, Tom Brady is married, right? He’s married to, he happens to be married to a supermodel, right? So he’s married to a super model. So think about this for a second. If Tom Brady is married to a supermodel and he is a quarterback on new England Patriots, should he bring Jazelle into the locker room and have her give the team emotional feedback or give them tips on how to be a better at catching the ball? Tackling a person running the office. Should Tom Brady bring his wife into the locker room? I mean if he wants to cause an issue, yeah, but in the real world, absolutely not. That’s not her forte. So again, it doesn’t make any sense for Tom Brady to bring his wife into the locker room just because of the mirror.
It doesn’t make any sense for Jason to bring his, her for Jason’s wife to bring him on to photography shoots. Absolutely not. And it makes zero sense for me to mix cheer music. So the question is why are we wanting to bring our spouse or the person who lives in our house into a business with us? Like just cause you’re friends with somebody doesn’t mean you guys should team up and start a business. Yeah, I love my friends to death, but I know I could not start a business with any of them. Why? Because we would not see eye to eye and then the business would fail or one of us would ended up getting pissed at the other and then we’ve killed the friendship because we wanted to try and mix friendship and business. So let me read a notable quotable to you and I want to see if you can break down what this means.
This quote comes from John D Rockefeller, Rockefeller, John D Rockefeller who writes a friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. What does that mean? To me it translates to, so looking at it from a friendship founded on business, you know, lasting is, that’s the S if you’re getting into business with somebody, I feel like I get along with you really well because you embody a lot if not all of the ideals that I either strive for or agree with. But if I were to try to force that with somebody that I am friends with, it wouldn’t work. So you start to build a stronger bond based on your common interests. When you found the business with, or I guess when you employ somebody or you found a business with somebody who has similar ideas that isn’t your friend, cause then you don’t have that friendship veil where you are more open to like, Oh I don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings or I want to make sure that I give them, you know, more sakes.
I’ve known them for 10 years. Exactly. And what just happened on the call. We, I won’t mention the name of the company, but you and I just did a 13 point assessment. If you had to go, what just happened on the call? Um, started off in a really good place. And then when you started asking about, uh, marketing, it was brought up that it’s basically a, it’s a business run by three friends with a 40, 40, 20 split. Meaning nobody is the actual decision maker. And then this person pointed out they can’t decide on the logo and they’re stuck website. Yeah, they can’t launch the website, can’t build the logo cause they can’t all agree. Right. There is never going to be a situation where you 100% agree with everybody on the same thing. No. And then what my favorite quote is, uh, when they said that they make group decisions, you said never agree 100% with anybody.
And um, an idea that everybody agrees on is wrong. Right? So here we go again. Anything with two heads is a monster. True. Your life partner doesn’t need to be your business partner. You’ve got to learn how to define your lanes to avoid the ongoing pains you have to do this. So step one, determine who has the majority vote on decisions. Step two, define your lane to avoid the pain. And step three, stay in your lane and don’t complain. Yup. I’m going to queue up another excerpt from the TD Jakes sermon or the interview called a [inaudible], his sermon called model homes featuring Bishop TD Jakes and his wife Serita Jakes where he’s talking about that. Hey, he married his opposite. She’s more of an introvert. He’s more of an extrovert. So he goes and visits her world every day and hangs out with her. But he doesn’t go in there and try to change it or go in there and try to live there full time.
But opposites attract. So how are we going to have fellowship when we are so different? One from another, he says he being, God, I can’t live you. I can’t live with you, humanity, but I can come visit.
He’s saying, God said he could send, send his son Jesus to come visit, but he can’t live with us.
So what I learned in the relationship is even though I can’t live in her spa, I can come visit it as she can’t live in my hip hop.
It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her that he should change her at all.
Great. Come on over.
Last night I was at target and I ran into our pool guy, Jeff. Nice. Who’s a great guy. And uh, we were talking about the new house we’re building and he goes, you don’t care about any of that. He said, um, you’re not, you’re, you’re, you’re not involved in the design. Outside of that man-cave Aria or you don’t care about the rest of the house other than that other than that pool. Right, right. Or the pool in the man cave. And I’m going exactly. I just, I because why? Because I’m going to 100% disagree with my wife 100% of the time about home decor. Right. How would you describe the physical things that are in the man-cave? Um, we have some really cool uplights you’ve got, um, what would you call them? Not so much knickknacks or chotchkies, but you’ve got like posters and all of the, it’s, it’s like a patina everywhere.
Yes. Yeah. It’s very, um, it reminds me a lot of the inside of your head and that you like all of that things, but uh, or you like all that stuff. But a lot of people wouldn’t agree with how you have it arranged. You have like a pinion wood mounted to the walls. You’ve got notable quartiles everywhere. Yeah. Got a hatchet hanging on the wall by the door. Your Patriots flag, your American flag. You’re glowing neon Patriot sign that sits in there. Yeah. And the thing is, is that I love it. Yeah. My shelves are not even, there’s pipes that are, the shelves are, have live edge wood on it. I forgot about the bare Paula toilet dispenser. Your toilet paper dispenser. You got that. So that’s awesome. And I got, my toilet is black, right? My walls are painted black. They have Barnwood on them.
It’s just raw, exposed concrete floors. My ceiling is a rock supposed ceiling there by painted it black. I’ve got Edison bulbs hanging down. I love it. Yeah, it’s you, it’s your face. But it’s not anything like the rest of the house. No. So my wife and I have always, you know, bought houses and live in them and added value to them and sold them. And so, um, this next house is going to be her thing. So she’s talking about a rotunda, a rotunda. I didn’t know what that was until you mentioned it. And I asked, you know, Oh, that’s like a dome. I’m thinking a rotunda. Why don’t we eat a rotunda? What practical purpose does a Roatan to be on the grand entrance? And then there’s our, our entrance. There’s a family entrance and a grand entrance. There’s like barrel ceiling for when you want to host.
I mean, I, I dunno, but you know what? It’s what she wants. And so I’m not going to get in there and hop in the meeting with the builder and argue with her about the fundamentals of why we need a wine. There’s like a wine room or something where you can see the wine. I mean, I don’t know that we have a lot of wine and it was, the wine I get is in a box, but now I begin to see how to buy wine to put on the wine shelves or something. I don’t get it. I mean, granite countertops, I don’t get it. I don’t want wood floors. Why? Cause they warp if they get wet. I don’t want any of that crap. But you know what she does. And for her it matters. So it matters to me. So again, the summary, the summation, the, the, the overall, the action items, I hope that you get out of today’s show are the following to avoid conflict, constant conflict.
I mean, nothing’s worse than being in constant conflict with your business partner or your spouse. One determine who has the majority vote on decisions. Yes. Step two, define your lane to avoid the pain. And there’s lanes, there’s offense, that’s marketing, vision, sales. And don’t be afraid to define your lane. Don’t be duped. Don’t be afraid to defense. There’s legal and accounting, you know. Step three there, there’s a, there’s special teams product and your, your your product and your services, the special teams. But step three, stay in your lane and don’t complain. It may be today you’re listening to the show and you’re saying, Oh, I’m doing the accounting for my wife’s business and I hate it. Or Oh, I’m doing the marketing for my husband’s company and I hate it. Say something, Oh, I’m a best friend of a guy and now we’re partners and I hate my job.
Oh you just, you got, I’m telling you. And John D Rockefeller says a friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendships. So don’t feel like you have to work with your spouse in your business, or you don’t have to like team up with your best friend from high school to build a company. You don’t have to do that. I just would encourage you, please for the sake of your marriage, for the health of your relationships, for the sake of your net worth. Because when you get divorced, you cut everything in half. Just please use these three steps. Step one, determine who has the majority vote on decisions. Step two, define your lane and don’t complain. Step three, stay in your lane and don’t complain. And now that need further ed do tend to show the boom three two, one. Boom.
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