Beth Weissenberger Shares How to Overcome Your Inner Dialogue

Show Notes

Frequent MIT, Harvard and NYU presenter Beth Weissenberger shares why your inner dialogue is probably sabotaging your success. Beth is the President of the Corporate Division of Handel Group, the executive life coaching company.

Is your life going the wrong direction?

Do you need a checkup from the neck up?

On today’s show, the presenter of choice for MIT, Harvard and NYU shares why your inner dialogue and what you say to yourself  is probably sabotaging your actual success. Beth is also a regular contributor to Business Insider, Forbes, the Huffington Post, and other leading publications about workplace culture and leadership development.

  1. Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes! Thrive Nation on today’s show, we have the opportunity to interview Beth Weissenberger, who is the co-founder and the President of the Corporate Division of Handel Group, the executive life coaching company. Beth welcome onto the show! How are you!?
  2. What is an executive life coaching company?
    1. My sister and I are both Executive life coaches.
    2. 99.5% of our executive clients also let us into their personal lives.
  3. Beth, throughout your career you have achieved so much success, but I would love to start at the bottom and at the very beginning. What was your childhood like growing up and how did that impact your path to becoming the person that you are today?
    1. I am the first born and I run the show.
    2. When we founded the company, I was the leader.
    3. We are virtual so we are all over. We personally sit in the East Coast.
  4. Beth Weissenberger, I would love to share about your sister Lauren Zander and how she was able to deeply affect you with her coaching?
    1. Lauren is the youngest. She is 11 years younger than me but she is my boss.
    2. When I was living in Laguna beach with my daughter. I called my sister because I was not happy and within 2 20 minute conversations she fixed me.
  5. Beth, what was your path to ultimately starting the Handel group?
  6. Beth, my understanding is that the Handel Group’s coaching method has been taught in over 50 education programs including MIT and the Stanford School of Business, I would love for you to share about the coaching method and how it can impact the lives of our listeners?
    1. We raise consciousness. The source of your results is not action. The source of results is your inner dialogue.
    2. 60% of a human’s dialogue is negative. You have to change that or you won’t see results
    3. Inner Dialogue:
      1. Chicken Voice
        1. The voice of avoiding hard things and confrontations.
      2. The Brat
        1. The defiant one who doesn’t want to do anything
      3. The weather reporter
        1. They are living like things are real when they are really just excuses
    4. We get you dreaming again. We keep you consistent with your dreams.
  7. How long do you work with your clients
    1. Years. Sometimes 3, 4 or even 5
    2. You can hire us for 24 sessions and be done
    3. We have business conferences
    4. We do coaching
  8. Beth, I would for you to share your approach to leadership development?
  9. Beth, I would for you to share about “inner dialogue” and why it’s so important to be aware of it?
    1. If you don’t remove the negative inner dialogue, you will never get anything done.
  10. Where do people usually get it wrong and get stuck without your coaching?
    1. There are different ways to work on yourself that is not just coaching. You can read the books we have written.
    2. There aren’t really drifting. It is more dealing with people who are running companies who are working with the millennials.
    3. We work with the people who are dealing with increasing profit and that keep producing results.
  11. Beth Weissenberger, I know that throughout your career, you have made many speaking appearances and that you were actually the featured presenter at a recent executive retreat for Live Nation. When you spoke a the Live Nation retreat, what was your speech really focused on?
    1. That was a global conference. I had 90 women promoters.
    2. I trained them to have honest conversations and not be chickens.
  12. Beth, I would love for you to share about the importance of organizational culture?
    1. A culture is made up of people’s conversations.
    2. When we do our workshops called “Building an honest culture” we interviewed people to see what they say about the culture. We look at the conversations people are having and we are honest about what the people are actually saying.
    3. There is always a lot of gossip happening in companies. Most gossip is about what really offended someone. Something will happen and since people are chickens, they won’t go to the boss. They will only complain to their friends.
  13. Beth, how do you typically go about organizing the first four hours of your typical day, and what time do you wake up every day?
    1. I wake up at 6:00 AM
    2. I get a cup of coffee and stay in bed
    3. I write to my sister, who is our boss, our negative dialogue.
    4. I then design our day.
    5. I create a dream.
    6. My first phone call starts at 7:30 am
  14. Beth, if you had to recommend one or two books to all of our listeners that have made the biggest impact on your life. What would they be and why?
    1. Maybe It’s You – Lauren Handel Zander
  15. Beth Weissenberger, where do you call home these days and what is your big vision for the next 12 months?
    1. Continuing the flood of our business. Training many more coaches to duplicate ourselves.
  16. What one thing would you say to the Thrive Nation?
    1. Love being at war.
    2. Love being on the hunt for the bad things in your life.
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Audio Transcription

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If you’re out there saying to yourself, I think I might be going in the wrong direction with my life, you want to take some notes today or if you feel like you needed a tune up, maybe a checkup from the neck up, you’re going to want to get out a pen and a pad as we enter into the Dojo of Mojo with Beth Beth, how are you my friend?

I am very good place. Thank you for having me on the show.

I think there’s somebody out there who right away they’re going. Okay. Beth, what is an Executive Life Coaching company? What kind of stuff do you do?

Um, well my sister and I are cofounders of the handout group and we are both executive coaches. So I run the corporate division where we coach c suite executives all the way down. And then we have a life coaching division where we coach you on your life. And then an Executive Life Coaching Company is about 99 point, let’s call it 5% are our executive clients will let us go to their whole life. So we not only coach you as an executive and develop you, let’s say it’s a great CEO. We’re also making sure you’re having sex with your husband.

Whoa, Whoa, this, this Justin, this show just got very interested in there is somebody out there says, okay, I’m taking notes. All right. So now throughout your career, I mean, I know you’ve had a lot of success, but I’d love to start it at the bottom and at the very beginning, what was your childhood like and, and how did that ultimately impact you becoming the person that you are today?

Well, let’s see. Um, so you know, there’s both the light and the dark, so I’m the, you know, the first born so that I can give you a whole world in itself. Um, and I run the show as a firstborn would. Um, and so there’s, what’s great about me called, you know, when Lauren and I started as co founders, I really was the CEO and, and led the charge of fulfilling on her mission. And so that part of my childhood of my, um, you know, being first born powerful yet what I want, um, become a rainmaker. I was all that. And then there’s this whole side of me like we all have. Um, and that came from my childhood too. But you know, our work is about evolving out what sucks about us. And so everything that sucks about me, I’m at Warren as we teach our clients to bake.

Ah, where are you? Where are you? Is Your, is your operation based? Are you in the east coast or all over?

No, we’re virtual. So we are virtual aware. Um, Lauren and I and our CEO shit on the east coast. I’m in New York. We have people all over.

Got It. Got It. Now you, um, I, from what I read, it appears as though Lauren was able to deeply affect you with her coaching and that kind of sparked maybe the creation of the company. Can you tell us how Lauren was able to impact you?

So Lauren is the youngest of the handout clan and she is 11 years younger than me, although everybody be very clear. She is the chairman, she is my boss. I honor that. I salute that and no, she belongs as back. Um, and so when I was living in Laguna Beach, um, and I, my daughter was about two and a half at the time. I was currently married. Um, I’m not any longer to arm and all that. We’re dear friends. In fact, I just came from his Gmr. He worked me out. Um, I was not happy and I, and I knew Lauren even though she was 11 years younger than me, you know, she was a coach. I understand that. So I called her and said that Dan happy. And in two 20 minute conversations, no altered my entire life. Um, and I remember saying to how much do you charge guys?

My boss at the time charges 600 an hour. She was charging a hundred. And um, I joked with her at the time because I wasn’t planning on opening a coaching on me with their eyes. Like, oh my God, we should make you the Oprah. I’m poaching. You’re a genius. And it ended up that she got me a job with one of her clients backed in turnout there. I was in New York having moved my husband at the time, daughter in New York have no job. I looked at her and said, basic layout, why don’t we start something? And within 24 hours we did. And that was 15 years ago. And we now have the largest Executive Life coaching company.

Wow. No. Now my understanding is that you guys, your, your mass at the handle groups coaching method has been taught in over 50 educational programs, including Mit, uh, and the Stanford School of business. I’d love for you to share about, I know there’s a lot more detail and that’s why you have the coaching program, but can you share with me, share with us about the overall coaching method and how it can actually impact the lives of our listeners?

Sure. Yeah. It’s a big question. Yes. So we do teach at Harvard, Yale, Nyu, Columbia business school, Rutgers, Fordham’s, and the list goes on as you said, 50. Um, our method is we really, um, in a nutshell we raise consciousness. So we, um, have found that the source of results, so everybody cares about results, right? You care about your personal results, whether it’s your body, your relationship, your children, your business results, your sales results, you name it. All we care about as humans come on now results, personal and business. And, um, our fundamental method is that the source of results is not action, although we’re gonna get you in action. The source of every result you have, whether it’s a dream fulfilled or whether it’s a result you don’t want, is your inner dialogue, the thoughts that run your life. So the thoughts that you keep having, like the thought you might’ve just had, those of you listening as one voice, is she talking about?

That’s the exact voice that is called your inner dialogue. And that inner dialogue, they did a study where they found that 60% of the human being’s inner dialogue is negative. So you’ve got 60% of your inner dialogue is negative, which gives you your actions, which gives you your results. So if you want to alter your result, you better start waking up to what is going on in your inner dialogue. And it’s 60% is negative. Who’s talking? And we have named, um, three inner dialogues. There’s more, but I’ll just speak about three, um, that are running your life and you don’t know it and they are not on your team. So there’s a chicken voice. And the chicken voice is the voice of avoiding confrontation, avoiding hard things. And the voice might say, oh, I should probably go talk to my boss today. It’s Thursday. No, it’s never good to talk to them before the weekend and give him bad news.

I don’t want to tell them that the numbers are wrong or I’d maybe Monday when he comes back from the week I’m, that’s a better day. And that person will think that’s a great business strategy and I will call you because you’re avoiding something. So that’s a chicken. And we have people start to identify where you are, chicken in your life. The other voices, the Brat, the Brat is the defiant ones. And so the Brat might be, you wake up in the morning, you planned on, you set the alarm to go running, you’d have your clothes all set up, you wake up and you’re like, I don’t want to go to sleep. And you think God just talk to you and you go back to sleep. That would be the Brat. So that’s a chicken. You got a brat and then you’ve got the weather reporter.

The way that their reporter is the, the subtlest of the three, but it’s still as deadly and the weather reporter is like a weather reporter. So I’m sitting on the east coast in New York and it’s cloudy and the last I looked it was 48 degrees and all I can do is dress accordingly. There’s nothing else to do. There’s no conversation is just 48 in cloud. So when a human being as being a weather reporter in their life, they are living like there are certain things that are real to them, like 45 degrees. For instance, if I say to you, I don’t have time to go to the gym, you will believe I don’t have time to go to the gym. I don’t have time is as real as it’s 45 degrees. It’s not malleable. It’s real. It’s truth. You know, like if someone says I’m really shy, I’m really bad at talking to people, you won’t think that.

They’re like, if I cut you off and I would find that in, you know, that’s a weather report. So a weather reporter is all about not being accountable. So the chicken brat and weather reporter or not on your team, their whole life is about really. And what we teach you is once you learn that, once you start to wake up to your chicken brat and weather reporter, you can start to get that on a leash in control and start to deal with what we call promises and consequences. And so we then as coaches hold people to account. So an area where you’re not living true to your values. So if for instance you’re 25 pounds overweight and that’s not true to your value, and your doctor has said you need to get help, you need to lose the weight and the brand keeps not letting you lose the way we’re going to put you in a structure of a specific measurable promise and a consequence that you will invent something that would annoy the shit out of you if you break the promise.

So you know, you take advice. If you like your liquor, great, you Brett, you don’t go to the gym. You have to go to the gym three times a week for an hour each time doing this, this, and this. And if on Sunday night you’ve only gone twice, great. Your consequences, you lose alcohol for seven days. And if that annoys the shit it will get you to go to the gym. So what we do, and you ask the question, what’s our basic basic message is number one, we get you dreaming again and adults really suck a dreaming. So we get you dreaming again. And then we teach you how to live consistent with your dream, taking actions consistent with it, not listening, chicken, Brat and weather reporter. And then you’ll have a happy person which then produces happy results. And at work we can triple your business. Why? Because if you get people actually dealing with their integrity and their cavities, you raise the bar of productivity.

Do you a long term contracts they agree to work with you like for a year or a few months or how does that work?

Oh sure. Um, it depends. It’s um, um, this is public knowledge. We have a joint venture with live nation and we have already been there for probably about two and a half years before they locked us into the next five years. Wow. So certain people, like in fact I was just talking to a CEO, um, and she would hire us to 24 sessions is our basic and manual want to maintenance program. You want to talk to us, you know, twice a month for 30 minutes. But companies, and we’ve been in companies for over three, four, five years, you know, we produce results.

Yeah. So you then we ask is if there’s somebody out there listening who’s going, my inner dialogue is terrible right now. I’ve got to pick up the phone. I want to pick up the phone, but I’m a shy person. That’s my inner dialogue telling me I’m shy. And I sat in that there’s somebody out there, it feels like they need to give you a call. And I just was Kinda, you know, I try to prepare our listener sometimes and ask the questions that I know they would ask if their inner dialogue, you know, wasn’t telling them not to, uh, you know, is it like a cup? I was like a one year commitment or I cause I could see how it might not work and still just tries it for like a day

can hire us for 24 coaching sessions and be done. Got It. Um, you know, 24 we’ll alter behavior or anything less than that. It’s a little difficult. Got It. Um, we have workshops, so what work the corporate division also the, um, but mostly in the corporate division. We do workshops, we build an on his culture. We don’t teams. Um, so we do workshops and we do coaching and we alter, you know, cultures. So we do the whole gap.

I A am a huge fan of the New England patriots. Every time I go to new to New England, I find myself feeling like I’m with my people. Uh, I find there’s a certain hustle and the east coast you have to have, if you don’t get hit by a car, um, and he, you, you obviously have that kind of energy. Where do most people get it wrong about dealing, you know, you just, you mentioned the, uh, the situation about the person who says, I’m, I’m, I’m, I’m quiet. I’m just a quiet person. Uh, where do most people get it wrong and get stuck without some kind of coaching and your, cause you’ve, you’ve been doing this forever. I mean, where do people without a program like yours or a mentor like yours, like what you’re describing, where do they get stuck? Do they ever get out of that doom loop?

I don’t know. I don’t know those people. I would imagine, you know, there’s lots of people who don’t get on to, right. Um, I just look at our world, right? That would be, lot of me don’t get out of jail. Um, but, um, you know, you could go to, um, you know, if you can’t afford our coaching by, you know, get our book may be a few. Um, by my sister Lauren Zander, and then my other sister, Marnie near, um, wrote back with her. Um, we also are about to come out with, although you probably could get it on our website and audio of our, um, method, um, inner you, it’s called and you can do while you’re running, listened to what do the homework, et cetera. So there’s different ways to go to work on yourself that isn’t just hiring, uh, you know, a one on one business coach or for your company.

Where do you think that a society right now is as a whole is going the wrong way because you’ve worked with so many people and help, help them get fixed, you know, help them get going the right direction, turn the book, turn the ship around, you know, where do you see most people by default? Just kind of drifting around and headed the wrong way?

Uh, you know, I don’t know if there’s so much I’m finding with people, you know, drifting around. Um, you know, the millennials are pretty on point, right? You know, they want what they want and they want it now. Um, so it’s more, you know, dealing with the, um, people are in companies running the companies and knowing how to work with millennials and knowing how to develop them because they are our future. Um, and so there’s, um, it’s more that it’s more, um, people are dealing with, um, you know, how do you year after year after year, keep producing, you know, how do you, you’ve got eight years in a row, you’ve got this money, how do you keep producing? Cause every year you got to produce in, you got to produce more. So it’s more like that versus, cause if you remember we get hired, we get paid for and then I’m not dealing with everybody else. So it’s the people that can hire us. But I’m dealing with,

no, you actually gave a presentation there and that they executive retreat for live nation. As you, as you mentioned, when you spoke at the live nation retreat, what was your speech really focused on?

Um, that was specifically, it was a global conference. Um, um, and I had the, um, I forget how many, approximately 19 women, um, promoters. Um, so there’s that world of promoters. So I had people from around the world about 19 women promoters. And what we worked on is exactly what I spoke about, the chicken, the breath of weather reporter. Got It. Um, I did work on that. I train them in how to have hard conversations because those are part of why people are chicken is no one’s ever trained you how to actually have an honest conversation. When you’re hurt, you’re offended, you’re upset. How do you actually have a conversation with your boss? How do you have a conversation with a peer? I do you have that. So I trained them and how to have hard conversations with folks who say, um, uh, might be upset with, so it was a conference for women for that. Not that the whole conference wasn’t, that was live nation. I had the group of global and

no, I bought for you to share, um, about, um, the importance of, of, of organization within a culture. I, I’ve heard you as I was cyberstalking you trying to learn as much as I possibly could about the events show. Uh, I just don’t, I stumbled upon you stressing the importance of organizational culture. Could you explain what you meant by that?

Culture is made up of what people write and then which made up people are the conversations that they’re having. And most people don’t attend to. Well, what is actually the culture of your organization and how we go about it. So when we go into lead our workshop called building an honest culture with a team of people in a company, the first thing that we do after we’re hired is we’re going to interview half of them, um, for 30 minutes each. We’ll interview you to find out what day sag about the culture. Because as I’m about to walk in already, one of my coaches is about to walk into lead that workshop. We need to be informed, we’re going to build a new culture called the honest one. But what’s the culture now? And the culture is made up of the conversations the people are having. Um, and most bosses, you know, some know that what they’re saying and some don’t. And they have all what’s great about the culture. And they’ll tell you that and they have what sucks about it. And that’s what’s running the show.

What is wrong with the corporate culture of most businesses in your, in your, from your permit. I know that’s probably a lot of things wrong with it, but what, what do you see as being some of the bigger issues with corporate culture in America?

Um, a few things. Number one, you know, people who, you know, we do the building on its culture for a team and people actually truly do think, you know, even though they’re called the team there, the team of, you know, the it team or the whatever team it is, um, they’re really not a team. There’s, there’s people who um, um, in their inner dialogue don’t dig somebody got offended by somebody. So there’s a lot of not honest conversations going on. There’s a lot of gossip that goes on in companies where, um, you know, most gossip, I’m not talking about me and entertainment, but most gossip is about something that really offended somebody. You know, you were in a meeting, you stay til two in the morning the night before to get something done. You’re now in the meeting, the boss presents your project that you did till two in the morning and does not even acknowledge it. And now that person is going to, because they’re checking, going to go underground or two, they’re two to three best friends at work and go yet, how come you didn’t acknowledge me or she didn’t acknowledge me and Mack to gossip, which then makes sure those people looking at that boss a different way rather than could someone please train and develop people to actually have the hard conversations, but no one’s training them. So gossip is a big culprit of, of or of a culture.

No, I know you’re a well read woman and it’s still free to recommend one of your books. Well you’re, you’re an educated person. I think you go out of your way to probably listen to thought leaders or read the books you need to know or he gets, you know, study what you’ve had to learn to become an expert in your field. Um, is there a book that you might recommend that all the listeners should, should read that’s impacted you or an audio book you’ve heard or, or, uh, I just love to get your take on that.

What do you think I’m going to show? Maybe a two hour book is, takes you through my sisters, take you through the entire hand down method, chapter by chapter and it’s funny and it’s got homework in it and you either read it to learn our method or you read it and do the homework and it’s life changing. You know, the emails that we have received, letters we’ve received about how it’s altered people’s lives, especially ones who have done the homework. So that would be the book to do. And then, um, our audio of the interview, you can listen to it. So it’s will, you can listen to the book or you can get in, are you where it’s at. 11 modules and it takes you through our methods, both corporately and light and life.

No. Okay. Okay. So what I want to ask you this, there’s this, this, this is my final, my final question for you. Miss, Miss Beth is you are a, a woman who’s on fire. You’ve got big purpose, big vision, you’re going places. What is the next 12 months look like for you? Can you share that or you want to keep that more private or was it,

no, I could share that. Um, so the next year is continuing the flood that we’re, that we’re having now. We are incredibly busy. Um, um, having people trained and develop. So that day we turned out more coaches for ourselves. Um, um, really not like just to keep the flood that’s going right now. Continue that. Um, and um, uh, simply that, just to keep it going.

Beth Weissenberger, I appreciate you more than you could possibly. Uh, no, and I’d like to give you the Florida if you have to, if you could give one piece of advice to all the listeners out there. One, just one little, you got your own little billboard, you could say whatever you want on it. You know, you’ve got a business car with a pithy little phrase. You can only tweet one thing to the thrive nation. What would you say to him?

What would I say? Um, loved being on the loved being at war. Like it. If we’re going to be at war, be on the right more, which is your own warm yourself. Like love being on the hunt for your cavities. Don’t shy away from a, don’t be embarrassed by it. Start to have fun finding out which talks about you, like want to know what sucks about you. Go ask your kids what sucks about you and how it impacts them, and then take that stuff on. Go find out from the people that work for you. What sucks about you as a leader and how it impacts them. Take that on. Don’t shy away from it. Go in to that and it’ll change your life.

Beth Weissenberger, you’re a great American and I hope you have an awesome day. Thank you for being on the show.

Thank you. [inaudible] for having us.

They we’re off best. I’m going to get this all edited and we’ll probably be mid May when we have general McChrystal, uh, ahead of you. I think we’ve got a Wolfgang puck interview. We’ve got to watch a neat, neat folks in your sandwich right there in the middle. So we’re looking at the middle of the night to release this, and I just wanna tell you thank you.

Yeah, you’re welcome. Thanks for having us. Hey, you take care. Thanks Claire.

Alrighty, friend. Alright, bye. Bye. I’m going. We’d like to get each and every show with a boom. And so now that he further ahead, two, three, two, one, boom.



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