Did you know 78% of men admit to cheating on their significant other? Have you established the proper boundaries for your marriage? Vanessa Clark (Clay Clark’s wife) explains why you must be intentional about anything you care about by setting boundaries.
DEFINITION – Boundary – A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
There is safety in having boundary lines around your life
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “We need to re-create boundaries. When you carry a digital gadget that creates a virtual link to the office, you need to create a virtual boundary that didn’t exist before.” – Daniel Goleman (Best-selling author of Emotional Intelligence)
FUN FACT – “Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages
FUN FACT – “78 percent of the men interviewed had cheated on their current partner.” – 5 Myths About Cheating – https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-cheating/2012/02/08/gIQANGdaBR_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.05ab54a87466
FUN FACT – “17 percent of couples are content in their partner.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201709/are-you-among-the-growing-number-unhappy-married-people
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “I don’t think modern science has good answers here. I think that modern world is actually really bad. The modern world is full of distractions. Things like Twitter and Facebook are not making you happy. They are making you unhappy. You are essentially playing a game that’s created by the creators of those systems, and yes, it can be a useful game once in a blue moon. You are engaging in the dispute, and resentment, comparison, jealousy, anger about things that frankly just don’t matter.” – Naval Ravikant (Naval Ravikant is the CEO and a co-founder of AngelList. He previously co-founded Epinions (which went public as part of Shopping.com) and Vast.com. He is an active Angel investor, and have invested in dozens of companies, including Twitter, Uber, Yammer, Stack Overflow and Wanelo.)
EXCERPT – “Researchers have found that people who use multiple social media platforms report more symptoms of anxiety and depression. Longer or more frequent use of social media also appears to predict depressive symptoms. However, not all of the research on social media use and mental health yields a doom and gloom forecast. People use social media in many different ways. When you plug into social media to strengthen existing relationships, your mental health outcomes may be very different than when you scroll through social media out of desperation or loneliness.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/home-base/201802/the-social-media-disconnect
Anything You Value is Protected with Boundaries and Insured Due to its Value
FUN FACT – “Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages
Boundaries Must Be Enforced or They Don’t Mean Anything
FUN FACT – “78 percent of the men interviewed had cheated on their current partner.” – 5 Myths About Cheating – https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-cheating/2012/02/08/gIQANGdaBR_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.05ab54a87466
FUN FACT – “17 percent of couples are content in their partner.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201709/are-you-among-the-growing-number-unhappy-married-people
Billy Graham Never Had Any Accusations or Drama Because He Had Hard and Fast Boundaries
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Avoid even the appearance of evil.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:22
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.” – Reverend Billy Graham
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife.” – Reverend Billy Graham
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “‘You are the average of the five people you most associate with.” – Tim Ferriss (The best-selling author of The Four Hour Work Week)
FUN FACT –
“70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners.” – 5 Myths About Cheating – https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-cheating/2012/02/08/gIQANGdaBR_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.05ab54a87466
“72 percent of married men have as well according to a University of Chicago study.” – 5 Myths About Cheating – https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/five-myths-about-cheating/2012/02/08/gIQANGdaBR_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.05ab54a87466
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.
Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses. The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes…do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.
NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:10
Now, once a week I bring on my incredible wife of 17 years out of the business conferences show so she can share with us a knowledge on how you can have the happiest marriage possible. We talk a lot on our show about the f six life. We want you to have success in the area of faith, family, finances, fitness, friendship and fun. So we have. We have Charles Co on the show from time to time. Charles Co, La fitness expert with co La fitness. Check his company out. We’ll have west Carter come on the show. He’ll talk a lot about legal issues and he’s one of the top attorneys on the planet and a guy represents Joel Olsteen. Td Jakes, Craig, Rochelle, a lot of big names. Well, the reason why we have my wife come on to talk about a happy marriage is because we’ve been married 17 years and it is only through the, is only as a result of the grace of God and my wife leading the charge that we have been able to be happily married.
So before I ask, uh, Vanessa, some intense questions, I’m going to introduce today’s topic. Today’s topic is Steve. It’s a word that’s hard for me to pronounce. Bound dairies. Bel Air, aries. Oh, it’s Steven. Heard about this word. Boundaries. It seems. It seems like Spanish or something. I’m going to read some. I’m going to read some, some fun facts. Steve’s d, these are fun facts. Okay. Try a wiki boundaries. So I can kind of get familiar with Dave. We’re gonna do is. I’m going to read some fun facts. And then these are these. These are fun facts. When I read the fun facts, I’d like for you to cheer and applaud and just kind of celebrate these facts. Okay? So here’s fact number one in America today. Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce, Wu 67 percent of the second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of marriages, third marriages end end in a divorce. Which Steve, that’s great news because that’s not all marriages. No, that’s great news
I didn’t ever realize is it increases after the second and third. Now, Steve, here’s another fun fact when this is, again, this is encouraging information out there currently in America today, according to an article that came out in the post as well as in psychology today. Um, right now we’re up to an exciting number. Steve. Twenty two percent of men do not cheat on their spouse. That’s exciting information.
What’s interesting about this? Well, two things. I know you’re surprised that you know that marriage disintegration, right actually accelerated for your second and third marriage and when did you learn? But it’s because it’s. Things are so much more complicated now. You usually have two sets of kids. You’re trying to blend the family. There’s so many different dynamics. And I’m Dr. Laura says through her research that most people end up regretting the divorce that they had. And think, why didn’t I just stick it out and make it work?
Steve, I’ve got another encouraging fun fact. Matt Madson Office, Madison, member of the thrive team. He’s an employee up there, Matt. So far that it isn’t as exciting. Information is this positive. I’m so excited right now to hear all this fun information. Now there’s one more exciting piece of positive information. Steve, 17 percent of couples are happy with their spouse.
That means it’s 17 percent of the people that stay married like their spouse. That means 70 percent
are happy, which leads me to another thing to celebrate. November of 22 percent of people are not cheating on their spouse. This is awesome. Her admitting it and a surveyor in a survey. So I stay tight information. Okay, so now that we’ve had a lot of negative news there, a lot of negative news. This just in a lot of negative news bound dairies that. Vanessa, what’s this topic? You’re speaking of boundaries. It’s a movie and it actually got a lot of rotten tomatoes. So I googled it. Vanessa, tell us about boundaries.
Well, just think about anything in your life that you value and you want to protect your home, your jewelry, your possessions. You put boundaries around those things, boundaries with your home. You probably have a fence to clearly define your boundary lines against your neighbors. So there are giant wall so they’re not encroaching onto your property over time. Um, you probably have a smoke detector in your house, a home security system, the things in place to alert you if something is wrong. And to protect what you have, you probably also insure your jewelry and in possessions. So anything that we value in life, we put a hedge of protection around it, some boundaries, and we insure it. So how much more do we need to be doing that with our family in our businesses?
I wouldn’t read a notable quotable from Daniel Goleman and I want matt to break this down matter. You matter, you feeling. Are you feeling? Could you feel like
you can break this down, my friend? Oh, I’m feeling saucy. Okay, here we go. To get your reaction to it. And I want to have Vanessa give us the teaching moment here. Daniel Goleman writes, we need to recreate boundaries. When you carry a digital gadget that creates a virtual business conferences link, you need to create a boundary that didn’t exist before. Matt, what, what, what does that mean to you? This is a clinical psychologist. This best selling author of emotional intelligence stating something that I think seems obvious to some. But, uh, what, what does it mean to you, my friend? Well, it seems really obvious at first, but then in practice, like people start blurring the lines. But in reality, all you gotta say is know it all boils down to the word no. And I’m putting the phone away and I’m going to concentrate on what’s important right now.
Uh, Vanessa talked to me about digital boundaries.
Well, just like we said, anything that you value, you’re going to have to, to put boundaries in place to protect. So if that is family, time or time with a client, if you’re going to let yourself be interrupted by device, by a phone, by computer, you’re robbing the person you’re with have that time. So you have to put clear concrete boundaries in place and then enforce that boundary.
I think though, on digital devices, this is what I see as a dude. This is where I see it with our companies will just go to the elephant in the room as example. Elephant in the room. We have to market via facebook because there are three places where the American population is hanging out. This just in one, they’re searching on Google for haircuts too. They’re on facebook. Three there, wherever they shop. So for elephant in the room to market that company, I can’t go into other businesses. I know where they are though. I mean if I. If I go in and do like a high end barbecue restaurant, you’re going to find some dudes. You go into a high end clothing store for dudes, you’ll find our customers. If I could somehow get into a country club and say, Hey, come to elephant in the room, I would.
I can’t do that. But the other, the two places I can reach you. If if you’re searching on Google, I can make sure you find elephant in the room. And I could make sure that we advertise to you on facebook, um, based upon your profile. So if you’re a guy, you live in Tulsa, here’s your zip code, you’re married, you make a certain amount of income, zero according to facebook marketing data that’s easily accessible. I want you to see our advertisements. So in order to advertise on facebook, I have to have an account, but I can tell you there’s nothing I hate in the world more than facebook because every day you get friend requests from people. And this is what’ll happen. You’ll get a friend request from somebody who’s not really a friend, which the I, the that it’s even called a friend request, Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuckerberg, you’re pissing me off.
My main man, not the care, but the idea to even call it a friend request. Let’s call it an acquaintance troll request. So then somebody wants to be know someone wants to be your acquaintance on facebook so they can sift through your photo. No, I like troll better. So they control through. And then what you do is you, you as a, as a, as a member of the facebook community, you go through the vomit of life and you just take the kernels of corn and post those kernels of corn like you post. When you win the trophy, you post when you won the win, when you win the prize, when you got promoted, when you get married, it’s just a highlight reel of your life. So people start competing with each other in this false narrative, this false community. And then you get a facebook invite.
Steve, do you not get a facebook invite invite from some lady of the night, a lady of ill repute. How often do you get a facebook request from someone who was definitely a prostitute, a prostitute or seven. He’s not even a real facebook account, but they’re just trying to solicit you for sex. How many times do you get that kind of friend requests? Honestly, everyday, right? Everyday I had to go in and change my settings where you have to be my friend in order to even send me a friend request. And then what I do is if I get it from a request from one of those, I go see who accepted them and then I boot them because I’m like, people don’t even look. They’ll just accept a friend request from somebody who’s literally like, go check out my pics here. You know what I mean?
That takes like I’m, I’m, I’m just being real. That takes probably 10 minutes a day for you to do that. Now I’ve been doing some research on this. Vanessa, I have thought about it. Most people that I’ve met aren’t going to live forever. So if you take 10 minutes per day, most people times seven days per week. This doesn’t. This just in Ken, 10 minutes a day times seven days a week, times 52 weeks a year. That means that some, a whole just took 3000, 640 minutes of your life for you to respond to troll business conferences requests. That comes out to 60 hours a year. Every single listeners losing 60 hours a year, every single listener is using as losing right now to just responding to acquaintance troll requests. And I don’t understand it, so I have to have a facebook account because I need to market my companies, but I literally just let John Handle it all because I don’t give a crap. And this week recently I do this voice sometime. Here’s the voice I do welcome to the thrive time show Dojo of Mojo.
And apparently somebody was offended that I mocking Asians will be listened to this show at all. I’m mock Caucasians. I mock white people. My kids don’t even have white friends. All their friends are not. What is the deal with you? Stopped being offended. Who gives a crap? Get off of facebook. People spend their whole freaking day on facebook and then my phone. Check this out. I’m going to. I’m going to go into facebook and check this out here. If you want to pull it up here on facebook. John Stays on top of this book and the good look at the craft. I’d be missing out on. I’ve got like what? 90 notifications I scroll through here. Look, I’m just scrolling through my home page looking at a bunch of crap. That doesn’t matter. Oh, what kind of crap do we have here? Oh look, there’s good crap here.
Good crap there. Oh, nice. I’ll go look at this. Someone’s getting married. Look, someone’s golfing. Look, someone’s going to teach you how to become a phd while golfing. Look at this guy. Let me play the audio of metro boxes. We flying to authors, bestselling authors of top business on repeat. This is fascinating crap here. Let’s play it back. Just crossed 100 video book summaries for mentor box. Oh, there’s a document that says doggy. We flying the author’s best selling authors. We fly in the authors and bestselling author, overall nonfiction books overall to our. Oh, I missed out on that. Look, there’s pictures of pools. Look, there’s people having fun in Mexico. I don’t give a crap. I don’t give a crap. I get text message, fuel affording me stupid jokes. I don’t give a crap. Digital boundaries bound now you get women, you get women.
This is where I went, Vanessa Chan. We come back from the break. You’ll get women in your office who will somehow find your cell phone number and text you like, Hey, I really appreciate your coaching. Is there any way we could talk about whatever and it’s your phone and so you get that little notification, so then I have to block people every single. I’m not kidding. Every single day I block at least one person every single day on my phone on text messages because your, your digital device is now like. It’s like have. There’s no boundaries in people’s lives and it just creates an absolutely horrible situation if you don’t have a life with boundaries. We’re talking about boundaries. We’re talking about facebook, we’re talking about to have a healthy marriage. Stay tuned. It’s the thrive time show on your
radio broadcasting live from the center of the universe. It’s business school without the BS featuring optometrist turned entrepreneur, Dr Robert Zellner with us Sba entrepreneur of the year, Clay Clark. It
is the show where we drop the knowledge bombs to you important. Then teach the system to make sure you could produce the greener we like all over again. Super Twitchy. Japan’s little cookie just bought. Okay, and then you’ll be back into the white pumpkin. Set your wallet. It used to be a broadcaster with the same with the focus block in San Quintin. Can I get the phone to the before the room was. He is in his pet. The C and r that was teaching business.
We both grew up. The goal is to help you sleep. All right, thrive nation. Welcome back to the thrive time show on your radio.
If you’re out there listening here for the first time, you’ve just tuned in. Thank you for subscribing to the thrive time show podcast and as a way to thank you for subscribing. If you subscribe to the thrive time show podcast on itunes and leave us an objective review. What that does for us is that it’s like a. it’s like a three pointer, so if you subscribe to the podcast, it’s like a three point during the game of basketball. If you leave us a review, that’s like a two pointer and if you download a podcast that’s like a one pointer and that’s how we’ve been able to get to the top of the itunes charts and all of all categories in all of all categories. We were the number one podcast in the world two Fridays ago. Number one in the world of all categories is over 550,000 podcasts according to the Wall Street Journal.
We been able to get to the top so it’s a way to give back and to say thank you for doing that. For subscribing and leaving, leaving us an objective review. All you have to do is email us proof that you did it to info at thrive time, show.com and we’ll give you free tickets to the workshop and the only costs you’ll have is obviously getting here and then buying a workbook which I believe is like $27. So on today’s show that we’re talking about boundaries, for those of you not familiar with this term, a boundary. A boundary is something that you set up that clearly identifies where one thing begins, and one thing is, if you could call it a dividing line, some people that think that think that this is offensive, but I’m going to give you an example of a boundary and you might say you’re an offensive, right, because I have a functional mind, therefore it’s offensive.
So here’s the, here’s a definition that could be offensive. Webster says it’s aligned. That limits an area. It’s a dividing line. It’s separates one area from another. It’s called a boundary. Um, so if you had a country hypothetically, and you said, this is our border, this is where our country inns and where yours begins, the idea that you wouldn’t have a wall is a sign of Jack Ass. Sorry for the same reason that you wouldn’t have a door on your house is a sign of Jackass. Hurry, Hey, this is my house. This is the door. You’re going into my house. This is the door. You’re not in my house. So for those of you out there who don’t grasp the concept of boundaries, you’re going to hate today show. But whether you have a boundary for a country or a business conferences boundary for your house or a boundary, if you’re, if you’re a moron, you have no boundaries. You say Mexico, Canada, America. We’re all boundary free. We can all trust each other. And that is the kind of mindset that will get you raped. Oh snap.
Because you say, here we are. I’m going into the rough part of town into a city park and I don’t recognize when I entered into the rough part of the town, I’m naive. I think we should all just be able to go in the park and it’s a rough part of town, but it’s a part of town that I don’t feel like there should be any boundaries between where there’s anything good going on and bad going on. And I just don’t judge anybody. And so I’m out here walking in the park. Three am in a rough part of town. And then you find yourself being raped by a man. Look no boundaries. You’re like, hey, here’s a country. It’s called Canada. Let’s not put a belt with. Put a border up there. Hey, how you doing? You want to come on in no big deal.
Who’s coming in, who’s coming out? Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter. It’s cool. Um, that will be called having a casino where you don’t verify identifications before letting someone use the buffet at the casinos here. They checked to make sure you paid and there’s a little, there’s a person who makes sure you pay the puddle wristband on you before you go in there. Before you compete in the Olympics, you gotta get the wristband. Why? Because if they just let anybody go by the honor system to have the food, they would make any money. Yup. Boundaries. They’re just common sense. So anything Vanessa pointed out, anything and your life that you value, property, family, business, you want to put a business conferences boundary around it. Now, Vanessa, apparently people aren’t putting very many boundaries around their marriages because 78 percent of men interviewed in the Washington Post. It meant to cheating on their partners. Seventeen percent of couples today, according to psychology today, report actually being content with their partners. So Vanessa talked to us about setting up boundaries for your marriage.
Okay. Well, first off, just a little, a little bit of background about me. I’m, I take my life very seriously. So I think some people might think some of these boundaries are archaic or whatever. I don’t care there for me and for my family and our lives and I think that they would benefit you and your family, but you may hate him and that’s fine. Um, but I think that every decision that we make in life, every time that I make a decision or I see our family make a decision, clean knows I really do this. I really try to look at how this can impact every part or the rest of our life because little decisions and daily decisions we make will affect and impact different areas of our lives.
And the good news thrivers is that because both of us are intense, sparks will fly occasionally. So in this world of no boundaries, because a smartphone can allow you to have access to anybody or anything at any time. I wanted to read a notable quotable, uh, Vanessa from the guy who helped make social media. Okay. When you’re done, I want to get into some specifics on the boundaries. You’re going, okay, well, deval rob account is the CEO and the co founder of Angel List. He also helped to fund twitter, facebook, Yammer, stack overflow, et cetera. He says this about the social that he helped to create. I don’t think modern science has good answers here. I think that the modern world is actually really bad. The modern world is full of distractions. Things like twitter and facebook are not making you happy and in fact they are making you unhappy. Oh, by the way, I created it. You are essentially playing a game that’s been created by the creators of those systems and yes, it can be a useful game once in a blue moon, but you’re engaging in dispute, resentment, comparison, jealousy, anger about things that frankly don’t matter. Wow. So Vanessa, how do people set boundaries and the world we live in today with digital where there’s so many digital distractions?
Well, you know, there’s all different types of distractions. Can I go a little bit into this specific boundaries that we, you, you lead the way they’re Pocahontas, which I realized was offensive to somebody. So again, here’s the defensive sound.
You know, the first boundary I’m going to say we took straight from Billy Graham. Billy Graham to me is, is so impressive because he is someone who writes a rose to such a high stature. And I think that, um, a lot of times when people move to move to such a high stature, they’re oftentimes a target. Maybe they actually did cross the line with someone of the opposite sex, but oftentimes I think they were accused and maybe they didn’t, but just because they, they become a target, right? His whole career never was it accusation made because he had the rule that he would never be alone with a woman
diagram. Is this notable quotable from Billy Graham? Billy Graham rights. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife. That’s billy Graham talking. Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife. Now, thrive nation. When we go, before we go to the break, or I guess during the break, I’d encourage you to check out a website not related to boundaries. This is a website related to office supplies, printer supplies. You want to save money on your office in printer supplies. Of course you do. Check out onyx imaging that comments onyx imaging.com. Stay tuned.
It’s the thrive time show on your radio and if you’re out there listening to the podcast for the first time, let me tell you what our show is all about. We’re all about faith, family, finance, fitness, friendships, and fun. We want you to have success and the f six life. So yes, we teach you how to grow successful business, but what would be the point of growing a successful company and losing your relationships, losing your marriage in the process as the Canadian say. So here’s some fun statistics and it will let Vanessa get back into boundaries. This just it from psychology today that reads past, have shown that in the US, 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, 67 percent of second and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. This is such another fun factoid here for this is from the Washington Post writes, 78 percent of the men I interviewed had cheated on their current partner. This is a positive show. Now, according to psychology today, 17 percent of couples are content with their partner. So Vanessa, insert the topic boundaries. Talk to me about boundaries in the role they play in keeping your relationship healthy.
So we were just getting into some specific boundaries for relationships because obviously you’re going to have boundaries with your children and discipline boundaries with your business. All different sorts of boundaries are necessary with your spouse. You know, like I said, Billy Graham, we took this from him. He had never been accused of anything because he never. He avoided even the appearance of evil first. That’s the first Thessalonians five, 20 to avoid even the appearance of evil. So what I love is that he was protecting his reputation, his family in his ministry, all by saying no one will even be ever to able to accuse me of anything. And that’s so important. Especially I think as men and women rise to more prominent business conferences positions, oftentimes they can be targeted. And so this isn’t male specific. I mean, you should never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. You know what? I think that, um, a lot of times that because what you just said, I think just just went, just explode the mind. Somebody repeat that again, never put yourself in a situation where you are alone with a person of the opposite sex, if you are whatever. If you were in a, in a business meeting that opened the door, have someone else present.
He always had someone else present. And I think that, um, you know, people say what? What do you do not, do not trust your spouse. Do you not know? I don’t trust myself. I’m a human. Like, look at David in the Bible, look at, I’m thinking, can I say really? I think that people who have cheated on their spouse, I don’t think they ever went with the intentions to do that and I just think that we are humans and so why would you put yourself in a position? I don’t think things happen. People who got divorced, it didn’t happen overnight. There had to be a series of events that led up to it. And I’m not saying that they, I don’t know what case they involve other people, but you just gave some pretty, um, big statistics there about cheating 78 percent of people to it. I wonder how many people are not even admitting to it. You know,
I’m going to say this from the people that I know. I’d say 85 percent of people that I know have cheated on their spouse. So when I’m heartbreaking to me, what I’m going to do is I’m going to now read an excerpt from psychology today because this is something that passionate about that I think causes a lot of affairs today. I’m gonna read this to. Researchers have found that people who use multiple social media platforms report more symptoms of anxiety and depression longer or more frequent use of social media. Also appears to predict depressive symptoms, whoever, not all the research on social media use and mental health yields at doom and gloom forecast. People use social media different ways. When you plug into social media to strengthen existing relationships, your mental outcomes may be very different. Then when you scroll through social media, out of desperate loneliness. What I see, this is what I see. I see people going on social media and then commenting on their ex boyfriend’s picture. He comments back and then all of a sudden I see them in a real estate meeting. I see, I see all the time. It’s like you’re a former personal trainer who you used to date. You comment on his photo and all of a sudden I see him in a meeting.
It’s dipping your toe in the water and I hate it. That’s why with boundaries, a boundary is not a boundary if you’re not going to enforce it and what boundaries like I might clean as in this way. I don’t even want a big toe over the line, so I’m like, this is our lives. Do you know what I’m saying? And I think that just pointed out it’s, it’s, it’s a, it’s a very innocent thing, right? Just. Oh, I’m just going to go comment. If you want to be on the divorce conversation, put a toe over the line. It’s one little nudge to the boundary line and then. Okay, well now we’ll take another step.
I have a funny story for you. Do you feel, Vanessa, what do you think about personal trainers of the opposite sex that hop in the sauna with their clients? What do think about that one? What do you think? I think because this is actually a real scenario that has happened in the last 60 days in my life where somebody said, hey, I have a personal trainer who works for me, who’s hopped into the sauna with male clients in a closed room for 30 minute sessions. What do think about that one?
Um, I think that there are people who are obviously willing to pay to be in the sign. I can’t remember if you told me they were. Yeah.
Oh, I’m assuming they’re not, dude. I’m just assuming that they’re a personal trainer. Just wanted to hop. Is Two males? No, this is a visit. This is a female personal trainer. Oh, hopping in the sauna. One on one with their male clients shutting the door. There’s no windows and staying in there for 30 minutes. And guess what Steve? They’re selling more memberships.
Interesting. What do you think about that, Steve? Just when he saw Dr, couldn’t get more steamy. Good one. Steve, do you think about that? I think. Is that a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed? Yeah. I think that there isn’t a boundary and that’s the problem. Say it. I’m just, I don’t know. I mean these are questions that apparently are culture. As soon as this was brought up, you were like, ah, no, this. Yeah. What I’m saying is apparently our culture, not aware of that.
I mean were there everyone has God’s law written in their heart. Okay. People can try to get away from it, but they’re choosing either numbing their conscience or whatever, but they’re choosing to go another direction. Doing is hopping and then wondering why things aren’t met. I don’t know what the big deal. Steve, you’re female personal trainers in the sauna. Just go in there and just shut the door. It’s a locked door. There are no windows and surely nothing bad will happen. Steve.
Oh, I just slipped and fell on her. It’s really hot in there. I was feeling very fate. Then just fell and just horizontally speaking, we were in there together. Just all we were doing. She was consoling me since I fell down. I have an inner thigh that is. It’s. I call it. She broke my fall asleep. She fell under me. My inner thigh has want to cramping going on. I want to go. Sweet. He’s such a nice trainer. Unbelievable. No. That’s what the culture does. I’m telling you, this is what the culture does. Vanessa, where do people get this wrong? Where are they? Where are they? Where are they putting the toe in the water?
They’re. They’re not being serious enough about their own lives and say, you know what, I don’t even. Okay, so you know, like we said, I don’t believe that you should be alone with someone of the opposite sex. Is something going to happen the first time? I almost guarantee you know, okay, your butt, but continue that business conferences relationship down 10 years from lighter and he’d been meeting alone for an hour a week. We’re like, oh no. People are always in relationship to your growing closer together or further apart. There is no such thing as just like a stalemate.
Well, this is where. This is why recently I’ve cut off all my meetings with Steve because it was going beyond a strictly heterosexual relationship. Our relationship was getting very good. So what I’m saying is when you don’t know everything that’s in their heart or everything that’s going on with their relationship or nonreligious, but if you want to know what’s going on with your accounting, good hood, cps, that’s good. CPAS DOT com, they do get ready to enter the thrive time show on the bottom, started from the bottom. Now we’re on the top. You the systems to give what we got, convictions on the hooks, hopper done. The books don’t end the look. That’s what I’m adopt. So if you see my wife and kid, please tell them now. Three, two, one. Here we go.
Pixel music artist who now? Forty Hour Dixon, but you haven’t checked that as music yet. Again, just go to Colton Dixon.com. The man seeing the intro on our shows. Now thrive nation. Those of you just tuning in. Today’s show is very light and fluffy. We’re talking about boundaries. Steve. Steve, we’re talking about boundaries on today’s show and I’m going to just now tuning in who’s not familiar with, uh, what we’ve been talking about. I’m going to read some lighthearted statistics. Stephen, if you could supply just sort of like some encouragement for the listeners because each one of these statistics is powerful and encouraging. Steve’s, if you can just kind of supply and encouraging voice to kind of echo how good this news is here. Okay. According to psychology today, only 50 percent of first marriages are ending in divorce. Steve. Only 50 percent. That’s good. So half of the time you win, there we go.
Now 67 percent of second marriages in an end, in a divorce. Give us a positive spin on that one. Well, just don’t get divorced the first time because you have less of a chance of making a work on the second try. Now, according to psychology, at a 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. Steve, make that positive again. Why try for the third one? If you failed the first and second, just don’t get divorced the first time. P part of the 50 percent. That doesn’t fail. Now Steve, here’s another statistic that’s exciting. This is encouraging. This is positive. Seventy eight percent of men interviewed in Washington Post admit to cheating on their current partner. Steve Woman told me men are jerks. And so there you go. Now Steve, there’s no positive about steep. One more positive statistic. I want to share the all the listeners out there is, according to psychology today, 17 percent of couples are content with their partner because I know that it’s right up there with the men, the women cheating stat right now.
Um, let me pull it up here. I’m below 70 percent and married women have cheated on their partners and psychology today. Seventy percent of women are much more unethical. Three percent of the time they don’t, a three percent less than men do. So men are at 78 percent and women are at 70. That’s an eight percent difference. Good job. Good job, women. Okay. So Matt, we have you on the show today. Matt, you are an employee at the thrive time show. Yes. You’re a member of the team and you first, I think, found us through your friend recommending the podcast to us now through a series of poor life choices. You’re now on the show on a weekly basis. You can ask my wife any question you want. There are no boundaries on this boundary show. All right? So the very first question that I’ve got is you guys have been talking a lot about married marriage boundaries. I’m not married. And um, I know a bunch of people who are in the entrepreneurial, a raise who are not married and they’re young. They’re single guys that because they have their fitness as a goal, you know, they’re looking good. I’m with boundaries. Should we be setting up and where do we draw these
lines are really good questions. Well, let me tell you that you’re going to be interacting with people, um, all, all during the day from all different backgrounds and situations. Some will be married women, some will not be married. You know, we know a lot of these examples. I’m just saying, you know, when you look at the 17 percent of that 50 percent of people who are still married and 17 percent of those 50 percent are happily married, don’t you think they’re doing something different? They have to be doing something different. So just because you are interacting one on one with a female and she is married, that means nothing. Like I, I hate to say that, but like I, I have learned through experience through just life. I mean click until you through many experiences, these stats we’re giving, we have seen happen at our own office.
We have seen these things happen before our eyes and we’re just like, wow, do people not care, so you need to just hold yourself always to the highest standard and above reproach because you may be interested in dating a girl at the office or whatever. You still, you would have to pursue her ass outside of the office. Does that make sense? That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, because you might be dealing with someone next to you. They could be married, they could be flirting with you all day in and out, not getting the attention they need at home, whatever, but like just hold yourself above reproach. You also could be dealing with someone that you could be interested in them and they could be single. So then I think you owe it to yourself into that person to overtime, get up enough guts and go to them and say, Hey, I’m interested in taking you out on a date and do you know what I’m saying? You’re not going to swipe right or left or whatever and tinder and all. You’re gonna do it the right.
You’re not going to swipe on tinder. I, I have flirted with Matthew a lot at the office. Oh, it’s terrible. He doesn’t think that I’m not getting the attention at home. What? I thought it was interesting that you put here this other notable quotable women need a reason for having sex. Men just need a place. Reverend Billy Graham. When I read that quote, I lost it, man. To see women need a reason. Men just hate place. Hey, this is this place as good as that. Can you read the quote real quick again because I want to get. I want to write music going in the right and I want to provide a matt an opportunity really to provide you with some awesome echoes because the will you add the echo. What it does is it allows people time to soak in the quote, to really nourish the quote, to marinate on the quote. So Matt, are you ready? Oh, I’m reading Steve, are you ready? Oh yes. Okay. Steve Currington reading a billy Graham quote, go for it. Women, we need to reasons for having sex. Sex men just need a place. Reverend Billy Graham Graham cracker cracker. This justin, Vanessa,
I want to say by Billy Graham, being willing to be counterculture because this is, this is counter culture by being willing to do that. He such a gift to his legacy, to his family, to his ministry, his own reputation. It can never be on facebook. He gave them a gift. Not everyone loves billy Graham and I am sure there would have been someone I cannot say, but he, there’s not even a possibility for anyone to ever make an accusation because he never used, like I said, avoided that appear even the appearance of evil. No. Donald trump, and in the five minutes that we were alone in there.
Okay. What did you just say, Steve? I said a lot like Donald Trump, dot oldest, kind of above reproach. You know, he just huge. I can’t say this because you brought it up, Donald Trump. I mean it’s undeniable has had success in the game of business. I mean, you said you talk about faith, family, finances, fitness, friendship and fun. The F six life. You want to have success in all those areas, but my main man is, you know, been married multiple times and each time he’s been married, whoever he is, most recent wife is, there’s all sorts of accusations about extra marital affairs and then at some point it just comes out as being truth and then he moves onto the next one and that’s happened multiple times. And so, um, so if you’re wanting to know a tip for having an affair, you want to make it physically possible. That’s step one. You weren’t to be physically possible. So. Yeah.
And if you want to, if you’re a man, you want to find a place. Yeah. Yeah. So if you want, if you’re, if you’re out there and you’re saying to yourself, this is good stuff, I should write this down. You’d say, so
he thumped his book into Hamilton, the win. What is the, what did the move? Step one, find the money alone with a woman or a dude? Doesn’t really matter. We don’t discriminate. You just be alone with someone of the opposite sex or the fame thing, transgender, it doesn’t matter where. You just want to be alone than when you’re alone. What you want to do with you want to get that light back down low. You want to start talking about fit.
I know I spent a lot of time talking about the boundaries around, you know, relationship, um, about being around the opposite sex. But you’re also gonna have to put boundaries around your time, your schedule. So offensive. I know, I know. It had boundaries with your friends, which is why at some point.
So it kicks all the homies out of the main key. You know what I’m saying? She’s like, alright fellas, time to go like this tire it. Just saying like that’s a, that can be a problem too when you don’t have boundaries with. I got a buddy that won’t leave Steve just for the record if I’ve ever kicked out or no mark. It’s like a bad thing. But I mean I think like with, you know your husband and you know your relationship. Yeah. And you know what very scheduled I will. And you know what you’re, what needs to get done. And there comes a point where like, you know, and we all know that clay could sit in and record the right radio show for 24 hours a day. So there comes a point when you’re like, okay, homeboys put out the fire and get out. But we don’t want to leave. We don’t want to leave. We don’t want boundaries. You know? I wouldn’t want boundaries because he feels so good when there’s no boundaries. When you’re just able to freely flow through all of life. It just feels so good. If you’re out there and you said, you know, I want to freely flow in my spine to be in line. I want to be. I don’t feel loose. I want to feel like A. Yeah. I want to feel great. I want to. I want to.
I just want to feel relaxed. I want to. I just need some decompression like Wayne Gretzky to fix mine average because I want. I want to use a chiropractor who has been used by, by, by Wayne Gretzky, Nhl Hall of fame. I want the best chiropractor in green country, the best chiropractor in Tulsa. My friends. You should use Dr Johnson, Dr John Sydney to God.
Three, two, one. You are now entering the Dojo of Mojo and the thrive time show, thrive time. Show on the microphone. What is this? Top of the charts in the category of business driven down on business topics like we are a dentist provided you with into shift like Cintas that you might get motion sick, grab a pen and pad to the tablets. Can stomp the best. Improve three, two, one. Here come the business. Oh, thrive nation. We have got a hot topic today. You would think that we were talking about,
um, the most offensive topic in the world. You would think about where you would think that we’re encouraging euthanasia or something when you bring up this topic. Because when you talk about boundaries, it just irritates people. Some people get so mad about the topic of boundaries. I think it’s like it’s racist. It’s old school. It’s weird. It’s, it’s, it’s a bigoted. This idea that you would actually set up a boundary. So let me just give you an example. I have a house. You are not invited into my house unless I invite you and you would know because I would say you want to come to my house in my house and you’re not invited. I want you to get the heck out of my house. Furthermore, I wouldn’t let you just live in my house because you happened to just set up camp on my lawn, but yet as a country we do this.
Hey, you want to set up camp in your law? On our lawn? Cool. Have you been here long enough? Cool. Do you have an emotional story involving a kid? Cool. You can stay here as a business. You can’t get the stuff unless you pay for the stuff. If you don’t pay for the stuff, you can’t have the stuff that’s called stealing. There’s this weird cultural boundary right now called hipsters who go to coffee shops where they hang out and don’t buy anything, which is called Steve Stealing. Loitering. Oh, sorry. Loitering wider. You’re standing around idle without apparent purpose. Nothing positive happens when you have. If you have a coffee shop, it’s filled with people who are loitering. Let’s see. You have a ton of white people, White, the widest palest people in the world. These Pale White Caucasians. You know those Caucasians. I can’t stand white people.
We don’t tell this white people. Freaking white people gathering around in a coffee shop, sitting there, all those white people, white crackers everywhere. All those, all those Caucasian sensations sitting there. Hey Greg, how are you? Greg? I Dunno. How are you Steve? Hey fellas, it’s good to see you there. Greg. Stretching out. Is your mother Mabel coming over? That’s good. Good to see you there, Greg. So Greg, um, let’s not talk about dancing or jumping because we know nothing about that. But why don’t we talk about rules. Okay, let’s talk about rules. That’s great. So Greg, good to see you want to play chess? Do you want to get a coffee, Greg? No, I just want to play this game and I don’t want to buy anything. Oh my gosh. Look, excuse me. You guys have been here for like an hour and you haven’t bought anything and you appear to be playing chess.
And I need you guys to leave. Oh, you’re a racist. Um, I’m actually the same race as you know. No, I’m a unique breed of the German Swedish hybrid and I know you’re discriminating against me Darren. Let’s take our check per gartner checkerboard and our chess game and let’s go out there and let’s go on social media and we’ll shut the company down for a month or two and then maybe if we, if we, if we bitch about it loud enough and consistently enough, maybe they’ll shut the whole company down for a day to do retraining and sensitivity because they don’t. They’re not used to Caucasians who are out there playing chess in the lobbies that are coffee shop. Your thought about that. You
thrive nation. It’s not racist to kick people out of your lobby if they are, but when you set up any standard at all, any boundary and you attempt to uphold the boundary, people say, Oh, you see, but you talk about loitering and all of a sudden it’s a racist issue. You talk about a boundary for your country and all of a sudden it’s a racist issue. You talk about a boundary for your marriage. All of a sudden it’s a, what is it, a big issue. I don’t know what you, you immediately label anybody who has any boundaries at all as a judge her, and then you get a little tattoo that says, right Steve, you don’t see that. I have that Tattoo. So we’re talking about boundaries.
So we’re Vanessa talking about boundaries today, whether it’s your country, your family or property. Talk to us about business conferences boundaries. Well, you know, we’ve been talking a lot about boundaries, the, our relationships. I wanted Matt to be able to ask a question here real quick and yeah, I’m talking about boundaries and family and the business, but friends, you know, they take up a lot and you’re talking about kicking people out of the house, but what if they’re not respecting your time as far as like, hey man, I can hang out this week. I got to work on project A, B, and c, but now they’re not really happy with you. Where do you draw those lines? How do you get them to respect those boundaries? And then what do you do if they don’t? Well, first off, if their white friends cut them out, not too happy with what you’re saying, hey, we can’t get together, and then what do you mean they’re not? Are they like acting out?
They just eventually they stopped contacting like, hey man, you know, oh, we just assume that you weren’t going to very passive aggressive. Okay.
You know what I’m. This is very interesting because not there’s just so it’s such a few people who are worthy of being your friend. Truly there are people who I think sometimes we think our friends and maybe they are for a period, but not everyone has your best interest at hand and you know, this is a really good example because I had someone who I was very, very, very, very close with and then to this day I do not know why they cut me off, but they would cut me off, like you said, passive aggressively. So it was just like, oh, I’m not available. I’ll call you back in an hour. And then like I keep calling and like six months I don’t get a phone call.
The hard thing about that is you just want to be able to be truthful with that friend, whoever it is. So if this person now as being kind of passive aggressive to you, you would love to be able to get in a space to sit down with them. I couldn’t. This person wouldn’t do that with me. You get them on a phone. I was able to do that a couple of years later and say, Hey, I need you to let me know how I hurt you so I can own it and apologize or I need you to apologize to me because I really want to be in a relationship with you, but I can’t just act like this didn’t happen. If they are able to do that and say, you know what? It hurt me when you did this and then I kind of started acting like a jerk and I’m sorry. Or you know what? Actually you didn’t do anything at all. I was going through a really hard time. Or then you can understand. You can have a conversation about what happened and you can move on and have healing, but if they can’t do that, I don’t think there’s a friendship there. If they’re just going to be passive aggressively a jerk to you because they’re upset but not tell you why they don’t want healing. Steve as a hot take,
I just think that just don’t have any friends because here’s what’ll happen. Like honestly you, you will naturally gravitate toward people that have the same goals and the same I guess plan and they want to get the same place and then those people will understand what your why is and what your where you’re trying to get and if you have something in your life that is. Let me give you an example. I quit drinking and I had people in my life that literally were like, come on dude, what’s wrong with you? Come on. Just have a drink. And guess what? That’s not a friend. It’s not a friend, not a for. So it’s like I’m done with
you. I’m not going to hang out with you. So the same thing, if you, if you, if you have friends and they know what your goal is, they know what your why is and they know where you’re trying to get and they try to put a kink in that or they mess with them. They get in the middle of it because I’m flirting with racism a lot today. I want to give another hot take care because this is. This is big
pal, notable quotable, the first African American Secretary of state. He’s been called an uncle tom over and over and over for not associating with certain people and his whole point is that I’m going to associate with you because we share the same values, not because we share the same race. So I’m going to read this notable quotable from Colin Powell. He says, the less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Anytime you tolerate mediocrity and others at all, it increases your mediocrity. An attribute in successful people is they’re inpatients with negative people and negative acting people. Negative thinking. People. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where you are. Friends that do not help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch you or choke your dream.
Those that don’t increase you will decrease. You consider this, never received counseling from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with somebody in capable of contributing to the solution because those people who never succeed always will tell you how not everyone has a right to speak in your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. I don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere with some people. You spend an evening with others you invest. Be careful where you stopped. Inquire for directions along the road of life wise is the person fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, he will learn to how, but if you associate with eagles, you will. You will learn how to sort to great heights. A mirror reflects a man’s face, immense face. What he is really like this showman, the kinds of friends he chooses, the simple but true fact of life is that you become like those whom you closely who you most closely associate with for good or bad and don’t be mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as two friends. Yes. Do love and appreciate and be thankful for your family. For they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and although they are family, they may be a friend to someone else who would better fit them and the criteria above. I just
think this idea of choosing friends based upon geography and conveniences is not a good move. So if you don’t share values with people, I wouldn’t be their friend, you know, and I’d just tell your buddies like, hey buddies, I want to hang out, but just so you know, I’ve got some stuff I’m doing so henceforth I’m totally available and ready to roll on Fridays and Saturdays, but the rest of the week I’m busy or whatever you’re doing for your own peace of mind, I would just reach out and say, did I do something that hurt you because of. So I want to make it right and I, if not, I need you to tell me. And then also I need you to apologize. If not, if you’re just treating me like a jerk for no reason, you can move on. Then you know I disagree with you on a live radio, but I disagree with you when we’re offering you share with you is like anybody who gets passive aggressive about some pussy.
If anyone in my life who gets offended screw off, I don’t care. I don’t want to be around people that get offended. I mean, Steven, I honestly, there’s probably, I think once a month you’ll do something that really irritates me or every two weeks, no, but the other day you’re on the show and uh, we mixed down the show right when we, when we’re done with the show, got to mix it down, so we got to mix it down. That means merging. The audio got uploaded and showed us there’s a lot of steps and it causes me anxiety to do it when somebody is doing something else. And Steve Likes to have a lot of fun. So I mentioned it to you that it bothered me directly. Did I not? Yeah. Right. And he said, shut the hell up, right? Yeah. I said that, just kidding. You know, what the consequence for that boundary as when you cross it.
But I said, oh, well there’s no like ongoing lingering issue. Right. But if you’re the kind of person that all of a sudden like wouldn’t talk to me. Well I tell people this, if you take a fence, give it back because I didn’t intend for you to get offended. You’re the one that took offense you, so just like give it back. I’m going to find yourself. Yeah, just stop being offended because you’re the one that took offense. So don’t be offended. Our culture loves to be offended though. People love to be victims. They don’t want to be victor’s. They love to be offended and if you’re going to set a boundary in your business, let’s say it’s going to offend somebody. Let me just tell you about a boundary we have at elephant in the room, our men’s grooming lounge that apparently is offended. A lot of people.
You can’t have a cell phone at the office. You cannot bring a cell phone to the office. And do you know why you can’t bring a cell phone to the office? Steve? Matt, would you guess why we can’t have a cell phone reason? We don’t as distracting. Yeah, right. Because you’re trying to cut somebody’s hair and if you have your cell phone, you’re going to constantly be interrupted with these stupid social media requests and these text messages. Right? Well, what if my wife needs to call? Then she can call the manager, but it’s personal, like somebody can’t say, hey, I need to speak to my wife real quick. I need to speak to my husband real quick. They can’t. Do I really need to speak to my husband real quick because I have a venereal disease. I mean, come on. They’re not going to do that.
They don’t need to tell the person answering the phone what the issue is. I need to speak to my husband real quick because I’ve got. I’ve got hemorrhoids really bad and I just need to talk to my husband. I mean, come on. You don’t need to do that. You can call the manager and be transferred, but people act like it’s not possible if the technology’s not possible to do that. So if you’re out there and you set boundaries, just know when you set a boundary of any kind, it is going to irritate somebody. If you’re willing to set a boundary, you have to be willing to irritate people. If you’re not willing to irritate people, do not set a boundary. The consequence of setting a boundary is irritating people. I’m just telling you cannot set up a boundary without irritating somebody. Some of the time staging. It’s the thrive time. Show on your radio.
Make it typical fitness. I’ll just dominate the news. They can talk about me. I can take that. Nick, that the scoreboards that my mentor showed me back, I wasn’t going to.
Oh, thrive nation. We’re talking today about offensive subject. We’re talking about something more offensive than the idea of using euthanizing
old people. Oh, we’re talking about boundaries. Even more offensive than euthanizing old people. I’m just telling you some people when you bring up the idea of boundaries, they just get immediately offended. Right? So let’s just, let’s do some examples. Start Big Steve. Then we’ll get small. Yup. If you’re the head of America, you’re the president of America and I’m the prime minister. I’m the head of Canada. Yeah. Okay. I’m in charge of Canada. You’re in charge of America. Yep. I’m already a better person. Right? But if I come down there with my mounties right, I come down there with my mounties and we’re playing. Brian Williams are Bryan Adams music. You were playing the Robin Hood Soundtrack and it has. No, we’re putting bieber. What do you mean? You know, we’re into like Atlanta Morrissette. We’re listening to all that. So we’re coming down here from Canada with our Toronto Blue Jays and our, our mounties were or are Molson or are pretty intensive beer and we’ll come in with our love of hockey.
I was thinking, oh, oh, don’t, you know, I know Mr. President, I wanted to let you know, we’re just going to be hanging out here off here in Minnesota because we want to be here, you know, don’t you know, do you want some Molson? And I just, we just stay there. We won’t leave. We’ve just decided to begin taking over the northern border, right? Yup. If you asked me to leave and I said, oh yeah, what will leave next month? Don’t you know, probably next year. We like it here. We like it. Do you have better healthcare? We were like, we like, we like it. So you are like, no, no, do you, you guys got to go on but we don’t want to go because we’re drunk and happy. And we’re south of the border and it’s a little bit warmer and we like it. We’re drinking whiskey eventually. When you forced me to move, why is that offensive?
It’s not offensive to me. I’m the president of the United States. Get out of my country. But no, but it’s offensive to people. I don’t. I don’t, man. I can’t say it on the radio. Why not? Well, because it’s just has a lot of cuss words in it and I don’t want to. I’m trying not to be that person. My dad talking to this day that I need to have a higher intelligence. We started a big start, a big country to country boundaries. Now let’s go
into home boundaries. All right. So Matt, do you have an apartment or a house or where do you hang out? I’ve got an apartment. Okay. So let’s just, let’s just say this is. This is the apartment. Okay. All right. This is your apartment and are you gonna? Knock on your door, man. What’s going on dude? I’m not much. Hey, real quick. I’m coming in real quick and I come in with like four guys, four guys, by the way, this happened to me all the time at oral Roberts University. I come in with four guys and all of a sudden we’re just looking through your fridge and we’re eating what you got? Reading it all and then I’m like, hey dude, I’m going to crash because one of us has hammered I believe when I came in. Or are you too? They were usually naked early. Happened a lot.
Happened a lot. I was going to say that I used to be that business conferences person up until the naked part could be though and then they just stay over. But if you eventually after I’d been there for like a day and a half and I’ve depleted all of your food supplies. When you asked me to leave, why is that offensive? People don’t like being told no, they can’t. They don’t like being sad that they can’t do something. Okay. So another example, uh, recently, this was probably about two years ago, had a female client, was working with, was working with a medical firm and he has a point of contact is a female and he says, could you meet such and such over at, in the Ra, we’re meeting up there to go over this net. Could you meet her at in the Ra to go over x, Y, z? And I said, no. And that idea you would have thought that I had said a racist comment or,
and I, no. He said, well, why not? I said, well, I’m not available to do that, you know, I’m not available on but I could do this time at our office or at your office. He does it again. He keeps trying to set up these scenarios where I’m supposed to meet with her at in the rocks. It’s halfway between his medical clinic in our office and I just said, no, you got to meet at my office or your office. Eventually he says, why? I’m not kidding. This is a true story. I said, because I’m never going to be at a restaurant alone with a woman not going to do it, so he’s like, well, and I ended up losing that account because of my bigoted worldview. That was the start of the end by having boundaries. So if you have boundaries in your life of any kind at all, I mean the elephant in the room, you can’t bring a cell phone until you can’t bring a smartphone to work. If you work there, it’s so offensive to some people. But as a wire people so offended about boundaries,
you know, that they’re necessary if you’re going to have a healthy business, a healthy relationship, a healthy home, kids need it to operate and they must know where the boundary lines are, what the consequences are, what discipline ensues. So it gives a lot of peace and safety by having boundaries. Um, but yeah, people like to, to test a boundary, a boundary will always be tested. That’s why it doesn’t mean anything if it’s not enforced. If we said, hey, you know, we’re never, ever, ever going to, you know, you’ll never see us in the raw with the opposite spouse and then the next week you’re there like, well, obviously that didn’t mean anything. So I think that, um, because it’s, it’s, it’s, you’re pushing against something, someone’s wanting to go one way and you’re, you’re a wall. You’re literally a wall stopping that and saying, you know what?
I love you but I’m not okay with this. So if we have, for example, we have coaches, many coaches, they do a great job. They deal with all different types of clients and personalities. If there is a client who is rude, a screamer, verbally abusive pursing or coaches, they will say something and say, Hey, I am like, I, we, I’m not even allowed to be treated this way. I need you to apologize and we can move on. Otherwise I can’t work with you to fire clients. We the guys that the way they treated our coaches and that, that is a boundary in place. But look at that. Who does that protect and serve? It serves our coaches. It serves our company and I’ve also serves that client who was being rude to say, you can’t have people like that.
We have a client that actually cursed out their wife in the coaches meeting in a meeting with their coach. She’s trying to coach and then it’s like the client and he brings his wife and it just curses her out and makes fun of her ridicules are constantly and like people are. Their minds are blown. When I call the client, I said, hey, you know, apparently, you know, we have cameras in all our offices and apparently you’re yelling at your spouse and I just say, I don’t think it’s a good fit, you know? What do you mean it’s not good fit? I mean, a person with your personality type is not a good fit to do business on the planet earth, let alone to be in my office. Well, but I’m paying good money. I’m like, I don’t need your money. Somebody wants to argue all the time about, well, clay, your team, you know, they’re just all you.
All you talk about every week is recording calls and search engine optimization and getting reviews and they’ll just attack you week after week after week. And I had to tell a client, listen, I don’t care about your money, go away. And that’s the power of having a great service and a great system and great marketing because we always have more clients that want to work with us than we can possibly take on. And it just, you got to set, you got to set boundaries and we come back. I want to bring Marshall Morris onto the show so we can talk to you about, uh, to the listeners out there about boundaries with friendships because I don’t have any friends and so I can’t relate to this topic. Um, I don’t want friends, don’t have friends, don’t need friends. I hang around people that I share the same values with and we work together.
But I, I can honestly say I don’t have friends, don’t need friends. I am totally happy and I prefer being alone. Um, but I think there’s people out there, I’d say most people are normal. They want to have friendships. I’m just like, I don’t, I don’t see the point of it. If we don’t get along, get out of here, whatever. There’ll be another human, but it’s just some people I feel like they need friendships. I think most people out there, if we’re being honest, would say I would like to have friendships. Um, some people would say, I find it to be lonely when I achieve a goal and have no one to celebrate it with, for me, I enjoy solitude of the receiving the award by myself. I like that. I enjoy the company of some me and I enjoy my wife. Therefore it’s we and I enjoy the company of our kids. And then if you happen to have the exact same values as I have and exact same worldviews me, than I love hanging out with you because you’re just like me, but if not,
I want you to go away. Stages. The thrive time show on the radio. No negative emotions dominate the news. Don’t take you talk about me. I can take that up. The father, nick, that planet scoreboards, that was my mentor, like my yoga horseback. I wasn’t Gumbo
all thrive nation. Welcome back into the conversation. It is the thrive time show on your radio and podcast download, and we’re talking about the most offensive subject ever. It’s called boundaries. Whether you have a country, whether you have a house, what do you have a spouse, whether you have a business, whether you have a relationship, if you have any kind of thing that you want to maintain and protect, you need to put boundaries around that thing and one of the things you have to do is put boundaries around your friendships. Now I’m, I’m asking Marshall Morris to hop onto the show because I would deem him to be. I stereotype him to be normal. I also have matt on the show. Matt works with the thrive time show team. He is an employee here and my incredible wife. I’ve deemed the all three of them from Mount Judge Moore. I view them all to be normal.
Hello, but I would like for making sure that you understand where I’m coming from that. So I want Marshall to have this conversation with Matt. When I was in high school, I tried to graduate early so that I could get out of high school. I didn’t. I went through three roommates and three semesters at oral Roberts University. I never went out on a single. I never went out with the guys one time. Never went on a date with dudes. Never went out like where you go out and have a beer. Never did that. Not one time. Don’t do it. I don’t go out with the guys. I don’t go to the club. I don’t go partying. I didn’t hang out. I have never actually wanted to in my entire life. Have a friend after the age of third grade, after this, after third grade, never wanted to have a friend.
So if I do have a friend, I view most relationships as a burden because there are speed bumps getting in the way of what I want to do. However, if somebody shares my values exactly. If you have my exact same values as I have, I’m down, but if not, I can’t do it. So that’s how I deal a lot on this business conferences show with how do you have friendships and setting boundaries because I’m not into it, but I want to get Vanessa take on this and then Matt had some questions for Marshall. Now I just going to add a funny little note how you had said that you went through three roommates, I think it was your mom or you or someone pointed out to me. You’re the only roommate that’s ever been funny. Bunny equipped.
But yeah, you did fire through the, those, those roommates. But he knows what he wants and I think that’s a good thing. Matt, what questions do you have is we’re talking about boundaries because the rest of the show is going to be all about growing a business systems, sales, linear growth, the things I’m into. But you’ve got, you’ve got to show man, what do you want to ask about boundaries? Marshall, your tone. Tell me on the break a little bit, how bad, how you had to fire a friend or multiple friends. Why and how did you go actually go about doing that? So like, uh, like clay, I changed schools a couple of times in elementary school and so I had to get really good at creating new sets of friends, but I hated doing it and so like I wanted to meet people, but I, what I realized is that my relationships, I had very, very few deep relationships and all of them were others superficial ones in a, at a certain point I just stopped caring about keeping those superficial relationships alive because it was part of the game that I didn’t want to participate in.
But I have a couple rules are a couple of principals, couple of nuggets of knowledge that I think are going to help you. Um, you if you see people that are black and white, people that you know are doing the wrong thing. Those people are not hard to say no to. It’s like black and white. It’s, it’s, it’s easy to say no to the people that you know are up to no good. It’s the, it’s the gray area. People that get you in trouble. And so it’s, it’s the people where it’s like, I thought you had a certain set of character traits, but then you did something that’s off the wall and it’s Kinda like, ah, I don’t know. Like is that a consistent thing or is that like a weird thing? It’s the great people that get you in trouble and those are the ones that you have to avoid like the plague.
So that’s the first thing. Avoid the gray area people. This is business partners, this is friends. This is like, what? Why are you spending? Why did you just do that? Okay, so that’d be the first principle. Okay. The second one is that you will have a small set of great friends and you might still have to say no does hanging out with them because are they helping you get to your longterm goal, your longterm vision? Okay? And so I know that this upcoming week I’m going to have to say no to something that I really, really want to do with some really, really great friends, but it’s not contributing to migrate my bigger vision, what I want to do longterm. And those are the hard conversations. So I want to talk about the hard thing about hard things. It’s one saying no to all the gray area people, which sounds like you’re working through right now. It’s Kinda like we’re good people, but did you try to do that? And the second part is people that you do want to spend time with, but you have to say no to them in order to achieve a greater goal in the future. Right. And what you’re talking about with the great people. I mean, that’s exactly right. I think the, most of my groups I don’t associate with anybody that’s doing shady stuff.
It’s all like, you’re not bad. We’re passive aggressive to you. That was shady. They should have just said, hey, you know what, it hurt my feelings that you couldn’t hang out. Um, I’m gonna just focus on maybe a core group of friends for a bit and maybe we can reach out later if they can’t be friends with you. That makes sense. But instead they’re just being passive aggressively mean to you, is what you’re saying. Right? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t, I mean, as a
guy, I don’t think any guy, whatever, it’d be like, well your main. But yeah, that’s what’s happening. It’s called the drift. Okay. It’s called the drift where maybe it’s not there saying anything to you, but it’s they lack. They don’t say anything to you. It’s kind of like, why did you stop inviting me to things? Why did you stop telling me things? Why did you stop texting me? One example, I’ll give an example. This is a hot and fresh example. Years ago, Vanessa and I got invited to a party, which I don’t go to parties. I don’t like to hang out at all. I hate if you’re out there listening and you want me to hang out. I hate hanging out. That’s my thing. I hate the most, is hanging out with you or anybody. Even myself, I hate hanging out. I just want to do things.
I literally want to stay in perpetual motion. I do not like talking about feelings. This is the tone of the show. So weird for me. So. But anyway, so I get invited to this party and a guy who we had to fire for trying to steal our clients is on the deck hanging out with the person who invited me to his partner guys celebrating his birthday and his birthday. There are the people that I have fired for trying to steal our clients with the DJ connection Dot Com. And they’re at the party hanging out and the guy says, hey, how’s it going man? Our sales down. And I attacked him. You remember this? I remember this right? I attacked him and uh, know pretty aggressively tackled him. And like I, I just tell him, you’re for me or against me. I do not do it. I will not.
If I go to your party and you’re hanging out with my enemy, it’s over because I am just your, for me or against me. That’s how my life is. I do not deal with this gray area crap. And that’s so much of what unsuccess is about is surrounding yourself with a bunch of gray area charlatans. I mean America, when we enter into a conflict, the countries that will send their troops, those are allies, and so when you’re, when you’re under attack, you get to know who your friends are and if you’re out there listening today and you’re surrounded by a bunch of acquaintances, when your car breaks down, they’re not going to come help you. They’re not going to come pick you up. They’re not going to return your call. When you have a funeral, they’re not going to be there for you. You know, because they’re too busy because they have a bunch of other facebook acquaintances.
So if you’re looking for someone that you can trust, you want to just have four or five really good friends. In fact, Tim Ferriss, the bestselling author of the four hour work week says, you are the average of the five people you most associate with. You become the average of the five people you most associate with a. and if you’re out there saying, you know what? I want to associate with a really good builder martial arts. I want to build a building, a restaurant. I want to add onto my school, maybe out onto my church, and I don’t want to have a shady contractor. Then use the best. Use the good guys at Williams contracting at Williams contract and you can check them out online today. Will Dash conduct comments? Will conduct comp. We have contract and took him out today and now broadcasting live from the box that rocks. It’s the thrive time business coach radio show.
Change the mindset stuff. For instance, on the magic button that was then slap. Touch the heat. Given it to the street.
Should I get back to the track so I could get the on the street, the cash, making the Dash, the plaques, bringing them back from the tracks so I could get up on the market. Speak the facts. Thrive nation. Yeah.
Joe of rare form. We’re talking about relationships. Dawn, today’s show relationships. Uh, typically I talk about how to grow a company, how to launch your online ads, how to get to the top of Google, how to hire people, fire people. How to say this specific linear systems. But on today’s show, on today’s podcast, once a week, I like to bring my incredible wife on the show, my wife of 17 years that she could talk about relationships because we have this thing called the f six life now f six, life consists of faith, family, finances, fitness, friendships and fun. And so on. Today’s show, we’re talking about boundaries and why are boundaries so offensive to people? I mean another example for to be out there listening. If you’re out there listening today and you are trying to implement boundaries into your life, it’s going to irritate somebody.
So I’m just going to give you five examples from my life of boundaries that I have tried to enforce this week. I have enforced this week that have caused people to get up set boundary number one this week that caused him to get upset. We have a policy at elephant in the room, Marshall, where you cannot bring your smartphone to work. Why does that irritate people? Because they want to bring their smartphone to work. Now it is mind boggling. It’s weird. Boundary number two, if you’re a client, you have to pay us. If you don’t pay us, you’re not a client, so I called a guy. This is a true story. I’ve worked with a guy for two years. He tells me via text message, Hey, I can’t pay this month because we’re in the process of expanding and I have bought some other. This is a true story and so I let the client know.
I called him on the phone. I let him know. I said, hey, if you decided not to pay this month, if you’re not going to pay this month, there’s nothing offensive about that idea. If you’re. If you’re not going to pay this month and then we’ll just, we’ll take you off the client roster and all just add somebody else and the idea that I would add somebody else. What do you mean w I’ve worked with you for years and you’re going to just cancel my account because I’m not paying. Yes. That’s how what gym membership works. If you don’t pay, you can’t be a member attitude. That’s how your mortgage works, right? I mean, if you don’t pay your mortgage, then your mortgage is in default and then the bank gets to take the house back. What? Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s white or black, red or you know, it’s like red or blue rider left arb, yes or no.
It’s, we, we operate in a world where there is, um, there is right there is wrong. There’s a north, there’s a south, there’s a, there’s a b. It just, that idea though just blew the guy’s mind. He said, put clay. I’ve worked with you for two years. I mean, two years. You would think that after two years that me not paying for one month wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But it is that big of a deal because that’s how it works. Like that’s, it’s amazing. So all I would say is if you’re out there today and you are going to insert any kind of boundaries into your life, that’s going to be great for you, like it’s going to be an absolutely great thing when you put boundaries in your life. It is absolutely a great thing. However, when you put boundaries into your life, it’s going to create friction.
It’s gonna create a problem because you now are saying, this is what I will allow in his will not, I will not allow. You’re saying I will allow this, but I won’t allow that. And whenever you do that, it really does freak people out as an example. Um, when I work with clients and help them build a workflow, one of the things we do is a workflow is basically a diagram of how the business works. It’s a workflow is a term left to right. It’s a, it’s a diagram of how a business should work on the workflow. You want to assign a task to each member of your team. So as an example on your workflow, it might say that your job in the marketing area is to turn on the ads on facebook, um, and turn your facebook ads to run your ad word ads and turn on your retargeting ads.
So on, on that particular box, on the workflow. That might be your task. If you’re the marketing person, you’re responsible for the ad words being on the facebook ads being on and the retargeting ads being on and each week when you build a workflow, you want to meet with all the members of your team and you rate them on a scale of 10 to zero. So if you did the task, you get a 10 and if you did not do the task, you get a zero. Some people even think that the idea of writing people on a 10 to zero scale is unethical. But bottom line, I mean, if somebody didn’t turn on the ads is that, I mean she could give them a seven because they tried. No, it’s either you did or you didn’t. Life is very much a pass fail thing. Growing a successful company is very much a pass fail thing.
It’s not a, uh, on a grading scale from a one to a 10. And I’m just telling you, if you’re going to be a self employed person, you’re very much going to have a life where it’s either you pass or you fail either in business or out of business. You know, the employee made the phone call or they didn’t, either you are having an affair or you’re not, but what leads to the pass or fail is the gray area, the gray area, and that’s why you have to set up firm boundaries in your life and your relationships and your business. So let’s think about the boundaries that all of us can apply today. What are, what are the boundaries we can all apply with your home. I would highly recommend that everybody listening that you would install a home security system of some kind. A, the company I’ve worked with for a long time as a coach client relationship is witness security.
That’s witness security. Uh, you can find them online if you google witness security Tulsa. Um, their website is witness llc.com witness LLC.com. They do a good job witness security. I’d recommend you have a security camera at your home. So yet, well, you security cameras at your home. That way you can make sure that your home is not being violated when you’re not there, that they intruders are not getting into your home as it relates to, um, your, your actual, you know, um, jewelry, I’d recommend you put it in a safe as it relates to your possessions. I recommend that when someone takes your possessions and brings them to their home without asking that you would view that as theft and you would call somebody on it with your business. I’d recommend you to have policies in place. Rules like if you can’t bring a cell phone to work, let’s say, or you can’t, um, you can’t date another employee or you can, um, you cannot ABC or you can.
What are the boundaries you want to put in your business. Now with your marriage, I’d also recommend that you set boundaries. So a boundary would be I will not meet with a person of the opposite sex outside of work on a one on one, on a one on one basis. Is that a boundary that seems fair? Um, and for people that are hardcore like me, I would just say I would, I would never meet alone with a person of the opposite sex period in an area where other people can’t observe what’s going on. You know, you never want to meet just one on one and you might say, clay, that’s intense. That’s too intense for me. That’s fine. I’m just saying to you that according to the Washington Post, and I’m putting all the links in the show notes today, 78 percent of the men that they interviewed admit to having an affair.
Seventy eight percent of the men that the Washington Post interviewed admit to having an affair. Now, according to psychology today, 17 percent of couples today report being happy with their partner. So you have 78 percent of men saying they’re having an affair. Seventeen percent of people saying they’re happy. I would recommend that you would set up boundaries so that when someone’s not having happiness at home, they don’t go to someone of the opposite sex and seek a better relationship, a new business conferences relationship. But my friends, if you set up boundaries in your life or in your business, it will absolutely irritate somebody. So I want to, I want to leave you with a Bible verse from Matthew Five, 10. Matthew Five, 10 from that offensive book called the Bible where it reads Matthew Five, 10.
Bless. It are those who are persecuted because of their righteousness. For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven is the thrive time show on your radio. We always end the show with a three and a 200, one and minute. Boom. So here we go.
Three, two, one. Boom. See, I’m more than just like a horse with blinders on the laptop in the teaching business skills from a to z. We both grew up poor no more. The goal of this show is to help you until my son.