Sell Something Then Buy 9 Executive Desks – A Lyrical Miracle

Show Notes

Your business will fail if you can’t consistently sell something to your ideal and likely buyers. During this parody rap remix, Clay Clark breaks down his observations of the things that people focus on that don’t matter.

This song goes out to anybody out there who has ever had more than 8 executive desks in a very small office.

9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…

9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…

If I had 9 executive desks I’d live a life that’s ridiculous

I’d an embroider an S across my chest and wait for people to send the checks

I’d find out if Sam Cassell and Brandy were the same person

I’d ban Michael Bolton music and that’s for certain


I’d change my name to Prince, and then back to a symbol

Then to Puff Daddy, P Diddy and Diddy and Ocho-Cinco


I’d wear a funny hat and be offended by funny laughs

I’d been the 32 year old man trying to sit on Santa’s lap


I would chop down the all the forest to build signs that say up with trees

I’d been the moron teacher preaching safe sex to a group of teens


I’d make a zero calorie beverage and I’d call it Coke Zero

So I could be Kevorkian and America’s aspartame hero


FACT – Aspartame – If a product is approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and composed of natural ingredients, would you assume it is safe to consume?

If the same product is an artificial sweetener, would you assume it helps control your weight? Millions of people use aspartame, the artificial sweetener known as NutraSweet™, with these assumptions in mind. Aspartame’s tainted history of approval and potentially toxic ingredients cast serious doubt on the safety of this sugar substitute. Furthermore, aspartame may actually increase your appetite and risk for weight gain.  The components of aspartame can lead to a wide variety of ailments. A few of the many disorders associated with aspartame include the following: A study funded by Monsanto to study possible birth defects caused by consuming aspartame was cut off after preliminary data showed damaging information about aspartame. Additionally, in the book While Waiting: A Prenatal Guidebook, it is stated that aspartame is suspected of causing brain damage in sensitive individuals. A fetus may be at risk for these effects. Some researchers have suggested that high doses of aspartame may be associated with problems ranging from dizziness and subtle brain changes to mental retardation –

FACT: Jack Kevorkian is the man who was a pathologist and suicide proponent. He is best known for publicly championing a terminal patient’s right to die via physician-assisted suicide; he claimed to have assisted at least 130 patients to that end.


I’d put out a bunch of orange cones, 12 months before construction

Then I’d sit around the construction site and have a 12 months luncheon


I’d put on a 100 pounds to get a job as a mall cop

Then I’d ride that SUPER “YAY!” two-wheel and refuse to walk


9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…


9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…


If I had 9 executive desks I’d use my cell phone as I pump

Fossil fuels into my car like danger is what I want


I’d be that guy at the movies who continues to talk

Like each and every scene demands my direct response


I’d insist on writing checks for 72 cent items

While implying to those annoyed people in line that I might just fight them


I’d devote 10 hours per day holding a sign that says will work for food

And then when you offer me a job I’d cop, I’d cop an attitude


Regardless of goals I would convince every kid that college was for them

When they can’t find a job and their $40 grand in debt, I’d say that jokes on them


I’d be that quasi-fat guy at the gym giving you those fitness tips

When it’s abundantly clear that the only dips I do are with my chips


He’d been at the wedding

That the bridesmaids are fretting


I’d be that guy at the wedding that no one seems to know

Whose asked the dj for the Cha Cha Slide three times in row


I’d be that dude who drops $15 grand to soup up my Dodge Neon

Rollin’ on spinners without AC because I can’t afford freon


I’d be that drugged out server serving at the local restaurant

Who doesn’t give you what you ordered but gives you what he wants


I’d be that big lady at KFC thinking just maybe

That if ketchup packets are free maybe I should just take home about 80


I’d be that person that is paranoid and 100% certain

That 9-11 was an inside job like installing some curtains


Cause I’ve got…

9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…


9 Executive Desks in a Small Freakin’ Office

There so fresh and so clean…


Because they are so good…

Because they are so wood…


Not 8

You want these desks?

You can’t have these desks.

You shouldn’t covet these desks.

I saw you looking at my desks…

I meet sit at every desks tomorrow…

I might rearrange the room…

I might sit at a different desk every day…

I don’t know what I’m going to do,

But I can change the world because I have 9 executive desks

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