When Can I Share with Others How I Feel? – Ask Clay Anything

Audio Transcription

Welcome back to the thrive time show have a business coach question. Email is today and info at thrivetime, show.Com, alright, tribe, nation. Welcome back to the ask us anything segment where we talk about things on the podcast that looks like an it really ask us anything seriously. I mean seriously the only questions that we would not answer the ones where we have maybe a non-compete in a forest, in effect where we couldn’t answer, because we have a contractual agreement, not who fracture. Oh, my you’re, so I put it on today show notes is clark. How do you not share your feelings, because I’ve been feeling been around me for about 2 years will see this happen, so here I’m, going to pick up the scenario and chucky been with me for 2 years, 3 years, how many, how many years ago, not to think about the office landscape? Think about some people that are not hear some people that are worth that would that were here, then think about the people who are here that were there, then how many people are still in the office now that were in the office when you first start, 3 3 out of a team of approximately 35 people in the office is in between elephant, and this is probably a hundred people. A hundred and ten people support the team that you know of a hundred and ten people, there’s been three that have been with us. The entire time correct that you haven’t met that have been with us longer, I’m, going to devon’s been with us for about 5 years, john’s been with me for about 5 years marshall going to be for about 9 years, cynthia’s been with me for about 3 years or so overall. I would say that that we have a lot of people doing this for a long time and I want you to look this up and get for the forbes the average length of employment for informed. So this is what happened:specials going to get awkward as a business coach and weird and gross and terrible, and just it’s going to be a really you going to work today that show it’s a pragmatic show in the teaching moment is this:according to the king james version of the bible proverbs 29:11, a fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds the mack, a fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds the back so I’m going to share with you many many examples of how, throughout my career in the last just sits trucks been here how I’ve held back.

So there was one guy who work with us and he said his name was junior junior jr., he’s cutting hair for elephant and his name’s, not junior shocking, and he had a a felony for armed robbery in possession of of weapons and all sorts of the time he was working there and so I discovered this, and he actually was in the wedding party at my brother-in-law. So I remember seeing him and I remember thinking he said:hey man I really appreciate what you’ve done for me and i. Remember thinking your name’s not junior. Furthermore, you’re, not a jehovah witness in your entire narrative. That you’re sharing is not true. In the wedding party, there is there’s another person attending the wedding, and this guy says he’s a member of the used to be a member of the army for lebanon he’s in the army for lebanon know. If you’ve ever met somebody who’s in the army who serve, they stand upright really up right. They have a gig line, that’s always straight there great posture and there’s a certain make and model to people who served in the military for more than 4 years, no matter what country does when there’s a certain make and model I knew this guy also was not in the military that he always talked about being so he be cutting hair with a customer, the customer and say so. What do you do before you work tuesday? Why serve in the army wow lebanon. Verify? That right before I dealt with the business coach situation, a customer says you’re in lebanon, that’s crazy! I was stationed to lebanon. To you know the us has a aircraft carrier that goes in this area. The reason the persian, gulf and I was over there, boo boo, mom and I were you and he starts not being able to know cities that are right there, that if you were there on a bass, you would know those were my sister when she was younger. She don’t want to be from tulsa. To she told me she was an orange county cuz I was a cool place. Yes, i! Do that ask her what city did you live in orange, county, california, cuz, you know what kind of the big is a lot of cities i, just lock up and i. Don’t you know you might want to research up two cities church on the move and he wanted to. He always wanted to make sure that I knew he went to church on the move. Go to tell me how much are some of the sunday that covered this? They covered that I love, the, serpent school, this guy I knew was stealing business coach cash from a register also at the wedding 3 minutes away. This is an epic wedding, but this is typical. In my opinion, when you have 60 70, 80 employees, you see these things so then, now, 2 years later, one I fired second fired third eye partner might say:why did you not fire them, then yeah, and this is the thing that’s the friend of mine, serve in the us military humvee. He was a a 50. Cal got gunner, so humid man is the 50 cal of the 50 caliber and chippy, nothing about guns, I’m, not sure about the 50 cal.

That’s a big gun. Put the gun in this is what joe told me. He said when you shoot off rounds. If you miss by 3 feet or less, it will still take the header arm off of the opposition. Even if you miss cuz the force flying by people and so joe’s in the army I said. Who do you serve with these? Are the guys serve next to his whole arm was a tattoo. His nut is knuckles his fist. His whole arms were tattoos and he had actually got out of federal prison and he it’s a lot of certain military is part of his deal. He committed a crime, violent crime as a as a 15 16 year old long story short. They let him out to serve and I said wow because in that was pretty much half of the guys, but they could kill some bad guys. Oh yeah and I’m like really goes yeah, oh yeah I mean the thing:is they love killing and i? Go to? This is who we aren’t saying is if you’re a big fan of new england, patriots I love the patriots, going to tell you what, if you’re going to run like a a morality test and say you guys were linebackers even two backs offensive lineman. How many of you guys have a huge knowledge of socrates, an appreciation for judeo-christian values in really, overall are good, classy, guys, i, don’t know how many of the guys would still be on the team. But if you say I want you to hit somebody and tackle ever make that block their on. That squad is a lot of business owners who have this mindset of I’m going to be puritan. Everybody who works for me as a business coach got to be holier than thou holier than thou. So that the bible so does. He will go back to the bible now poses moses killed a man. Do you know you are trying to kill for his killing one dude? Would you murder somebody, but yet he was called by god to lead a group of people. David was into the ladies, but he was also a god after a guy from god’s own heart. You know I’m not perfect, who are literally retarded growth because they feel the need to share their feelings all the time that I had decided to fire the guy.

The first time I pulled the video and so I’m taking cash, but he was only stealing like three bucks a week which only adds up to a year. It’s like 15 grand, but that guy could cut some hair a lot of here very good at cutting hair and people liked it, and so I thought I’m going to fire him after i. Fully staffed is downtown store and so I did. I walked up to him. I said:hey, you know, I got a lot of video footage, hey hey, watching a lot of the footage know we talked about missing cash, would watch a lot of footage and I’ve. Seen you take cash I was just I was going to take it home tonight, make sure it’s business coach accurate I put it back in the morning sure there’s somebody out there that hasn’t, read, proverbs, 29, 11 or who doesn’t understand or refuses to do it and they feel is proverbs. 29:11, says a fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds the back. So my buddy joe who serve the military. He never told the guys he was serving next to like you guys. Freak me out in the stories you’re telling me makes me scared at night he’s more or less you or less came to the conclusion that, because of deaths, he was now serving with a group of backups and he was over there in afghanistan and it’s probably business coach better not to share with the guy in the foxhole with you that your do you don’t like his morality, let’s just stay synced to say nothing and then, when you come back, you say hey. It’s me good run, have a good one cell phones, whatever you don’t need to be sharing how they feel with everybody all the time, and it absolutely destroys your career talk about it. I think wisdom, people really drawn wisdom and a man who thinks before he speaks a woman who thinks before she speaks. Is there something very wonderful about that? You know whenever you would you see someone who’s listening to you and you can tell they’re listening cuz. They don’t have their phone out there not texting someone at the same time.

They’re, not you know, emailing snapchatting book of face whatever it is yawning all the moves that they can do to prove that they’re not listening to you and then you could see them actually thinking and then their mouth opens up when they speak, somebody might be saying:i want to keep it real, don’t be transparent. I want to be powerful, powerful, powerful lesson you can get all the life lessons you need is by watching godfather’s, okay, I’m telling you what and whenever you it’s so much more powerful to listen, then to talk, especially if you’re a leader, because me where the things that i, like least in my businesses, is gossiping and that people just talking about stuff here say:hey did you know, I heard something as a business coach, so here’s that your ears, when I have had something come up so I have absolutely purge the land out of the church. Tonight my wife comes to the office and does accounting a previous to having her five kids. She did accounting, then, when we grew the cubbies to a certain size and we have kids that were not in school, homeschooled vanessa decide to stay home now, she’s back again working the counting by 25 hours a week and one of the things that vanessa did one day she decided I’m not going to come in today and I said:okay, next asus I’m not going to come in today, and you know why it’s cuz, we got a holiday week.

All the paperwork been submitted, it don’t need to come in summertime. You don’t need your own merit badges by the hours you clock, you earn merit badges based upon the discipline. The rigor of the results you generate money come on. Tell me how irritated you’d be okay. He says this hey I just want to know, how’s your how’s, the marriage, going. That’s what he says to me cuz. He hasn’t seen my wife in two days and I said what what do you mean? I was just worried, so I said. Who else have you said this to I just asked probably a half-dozen people in the office message. So you haven’t seen my wife in the building for a total of maybe two days, and you now have asked people how’s the marriage going I said:do you realize what you’ve done, because what you mean so I said. Who did you tell this to? He made a list? I wouldn’t talk to him individually and these people were literally concerned about their job together and I figured if you guys broke up and be done,. Do you not see this? They talk about things that don’t matter, people all need to share all the time. All the time it wears me slick I can I see slick, yes, so that girl is so smooth and slick right now, where’s, we slick i, take what that’s the wonder if I could take a magic wand and get rid of one thing in the workplace, one thing in the work environment. It would be this gossipy tell me what you think about I hate that you did you hear. Did you hear as a business coach? Did you hear right? Did you cuz I thought I heard. So here is the next move here the next move. Today’s topic is:don’t care how you feel with others until it’s time don’t share with others how you feel, which isn’t very often by the way, which is not very often 1st, corinthians 9:22 to the weak I became weak to in the week. I became all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some zeke. That’s deep I see a lot of people who are gregarious and they’re in the presence of a cerebral person who prefers to have a more logical conversation, refuse to switch it up to close the deal. Bro stradamus people listening the bible states that, for an order for people to win people to christ, you have to change it up to the week you become week, so you can beat. You have to become all things to all people, so you can save some. Are we talking about a little chameleon? Ask so I’m saying this. This is an example. I was in a meeting 2 weeks 2 weeks ago, very left-of-center, left-of-center, politically and I know this because they just kept talking about. They said to me:it’s like clark. These teachers aren’t getting paid enough and I just want to know if you’ll be willing to meet me up. Join me. If you could you donate to the cause I’m trying to encourage leaders like you to stand up and to pay our teachers of oklahoma? What they’re worth now I’m telling you the listeners, can we have kind of a secret club going strike should never come back. That’s just my take between me and a hundred thousand people to download podcast, but in this person’s meeting, it’ll, probably his podcast and giggle, but they said.

Would you be willing to help me and I said? No, the thing is it’s a very complicated issue and I really would there’s a lot of to get into it and I really am not i, don’t know right now. It’s a good timing for me, but I told the purse at that time in front of all their liberal friends. If I said, here’s the deal, oklahoma according to forbes is the fourth most affordable state in the union and art teachers make the 3rd to 4th lowest pay, and the teachers who took the jobs shocking knew what they were going to get paid going into it, and they knew the benefits and trade-offs of it. They get health care, they get the summers off and they get 31,000. If they’re not cool with that deal, they can open a snow cone shack. They could train dogs, they could, but I was not in the company of people that would our listeners are entrepreneurs freaky to listen to this podcast because you’re a far left of center left-of-center socialist, who is an apologist for the business coach teachers? Wages I mean, like i, didn’t say that, because it wasn’t wise and I would have opened up a can of worms either would have continued to continue to her, sometimes I’m sure that you have had a customer that wanted to refund for something that didn’t happen and rather than freaking out and go in your room, any dying on that middle of being right, you decided to be all things to all people and let them just have the wind right, absolutely twitter, my tenant to be a lover, not a fighter, be a lover, not a fighter, and sometimes it’s hard to love. I mean if everybody was easy to love. Every situation was easy to love. You wouldn’t be a challenge, so you know the guys that come at you with things like that that you just intercore you go, you were so wrong and I could say something, and yet you know what it’s not worth:the energy and my time and my this is. This is not me. This is not my fight. The pit can help behind a wall. I want to share this idea. This is crazy. Facebook has started to identify what political party, or a part of based upon your facebook post, which there now selling the advertisers a friend of yours and your friend of yours, who is running as libertarian, republican or a democrat or whatever.

If I wanted to run an ad that would only reach cuz, you don’t people who are republicans are likely to vote republicans. You switch somebody’s political view. Right comes down to who gets the most people out to vote correct so again about this. Now, if you’re running for politics running for office-and you want to show your ads to only republicans, then facebook and I’ll tell you who they are not based upon clicking the box, but based upon with the writing, correct talk to me about restraint on social media, cuz man I’m telling you what I see people on social media try to keep that real and man I’m telling you the stuff they post it makes up unhireable to some people. You can’t even hire these people because of the polarity of their social media posts. I mean you see it all the time with his young people with a great degree what seems to be a good head on their shoulders and they’re just going all out on their attack of some political thing, and it makes them on hireable a little bit of kick back here lately with the book of face yes, and it’s almost a little scary right, what’s going on out there in the world of business coach social media and if that hasn’t awaken your sensibilities, I’m I’m, not sure what will and meet me telling you that you shouldn’t do. Something is probably not going to change what you’re doing but I’m telling you this is that people out there are there delving there watching they are. They are selling, they are you they are and you’re saving your text messages from your phone, but I mean your facebook message like this is crazy out there get this so that way, we can give it to him and write up center, shocking, libertarian, shocking conservative judeo-christian, shocking, so I’m is pro-life. Is they get I’m as far right of center that got five kids I mean that’s a place in my life, where I can say that and I do not care. If you don’t like me as a result of it so I’m just to make sure you get this. There are many guys I had a guy the other day who emailed us, and he said, I appreciate your take on 48 laws of power. You still haven’t got there, they come in for an elephant, the room and sign up for a membership, and they said what membership do you want because I don’t really care I just want the one. That’s alright with you guys, cuz he’s. Alright he’s alright with me sign up, I won’t even come, which movie had a guy come in and buy a membership.

You think I need to get my haircut very much. I just want to tell you I so appreciate you guys being candid, but don’t tell you what be candid if you are going to like lose as a result, you have to know when to play the cards. I mean z. U r, a poker player! You know I don’t play cards, but I understand the concept of what you mean you you have to know. Wenda hold’em know when to fold them. You have to know that you have to know this I think about it. Is that whenever you’re talking to someone and their diametrically opposed to you that they don’t line up with you you’re better off to just say nothing. Yes, just not smiling, go on with your life or say something funny about a deep dark political issue and you go hey. Have you seen the new adam sandler business coach movie? There go over 2 billion dollars of revenue. You just got to go there. You know that has a point and then the person you’re talking to and your case doesn’t like adam sandler right. Send you go well hey what you ever met him by the way. So i, don’t i, don’t know i, guess that’s, probably an understatement, but then I could say to you:i go wait! Who are you in to see what did who’s your favorite actor? My favorite actor I mean jim carrey bill murray caddyshack, which one was your favorite one was pretending to be at the masters and he’s hitting flowers with that rake it out. If that’s pretty good right there, that’s what I mean porcupine meatballs go back in. If you want to win the game of business, if somebody’s going into a topic for your diametrically opposed to his doctors, he said:there’s no reason you just switch subjects and get into something like you want to talk about bill murray, a little more than you should really didn’t want to, and that’s the whole move. I have a client I work at the years ago. It was a hundred percent dead, set that mormonism and christianity are the same thing, and so they believed that the angel moroni appeared to joseph smith and that a song the angel moroni, the angel moroni sudden. He says this is the future of this is the future of how life works and we’re going to go out to utah and long story. Short I’m, saying i, don’t agree that that’s how it worked, but there’s no point arguing so I said so:angel angel moroni is kind of a big deal because he appeared to joseph smith I’m not going to bring up my disagreement with him cuz I’m out of eating. He was a good guy. He had a good business. He was great to work with so I started, calling him around he what’s up. What’s up dude original basketball, he was biggie played for what is the utah jazz, whatever was very, very good basketball player all the time, cuz everytime I call about like referencing, keith, van horn and all these different fake, shawn, bradley and famous mormons and mitt romney.

That kind of thing like a dude focus on what you disagree. I think about it is, is that we’re talking about business tips were talking about how to succeed in business and business and your business coaching life, coaching business, making money and getting along with having a set of friend that you go to you know. I, hang ever have poker night with is a totally different thing, because you’re hanging out with when you’re playing cards or your golfing with is totally different than the people that are coming and giving you money right for your goods and services store, and you said:hey you coming here, quick question:do I want paper or plastic? Are you a republican or democrat? You won’t take a shot. Going to see you in the security to arnold 3. Do you believe in predestination just to get out of my grocery store many people that sit there and argue about that kind of stuff? It’s so I want to be happier wallet, stop arguing about things that don’t matter it’s just a huge waste of time unless you’re, a life coach and that’s your business is argue with people to get over. That smile nod and thank them for the business or giving you and go to the next business coach customer, the university of utah. Yes, he was, he was so pale and you have to look away. It’s on your darker tinted glasses, just to look at the screen right when you, when was the last time the sun actually hit your body by the way. That’s it wants to go to florida. Here in 2 weeks, people are panels absorb sun, vampire you’re, like a rock that stays like a man, keeps his closet, the entire life, the pet rock. That’s like so smooth rock. If it never sees the sun you’re, not at the door panels, they love the sun. They welcome you one if you want to get a picture of snow white in a snowstorm. You just take a picture with me exactly it’s. The albino heritage I bring to the table white rice on a paper plate myself play casper clark, dr. Robert zoellner. We want to thank you for turning it going to show eric chapa business,. We are so excited to serve you, but the thing is I can’t answer those rough, tough questions. If you don’t email us so I would encourage you to email us to info at thrive time at show.Com. It’s into it drive time should i. Come will always answer your questions and I’ll. Tell you further ado to what