Business Coach | Emotional Intelligence | Why EQ Matters More than IQ

Business Coach | Ask Clay & Z Anything

Audio Transcription

Business Coach 162

Today, America’s #1 business coach Clay Clark with Dr. Robert Zoellner teach the listeners Why EQ Matters More than iQ. They also include the necessary information on how to relieve the unnecessary stress you are holding in.

Learn From The Business Coach As To Why IQ Is Important : Podcast Transcript

Voice-over: And now, broadcasting from the center of the universe, in the world headquarters.

Let’s go.

Presenting the world’s only business school without the BS, with optometrist and entrepreneur, Dr. Robert Zoellner and the former Small Business Administration Entrepreneur of the Year, in your ear, Clay Clark. It’s the Thrive Time show on Talk Radio 1170. Three, two, one boom.

Clay Clark: Alright Thrive Nation what is going on. Welcome back to the Thrive Time Show and as always you have tuned in right now to your audio dojo of mojo. Today I’m very excited for a multitude of reasons. One because we are talking about a subject that I just feel like a Super Duper neglected. I feel like many-many people, they go to college, they go to school, they read all the books, they have a high IQ, but when they get into the workplace, no one’s taught them about, Z, the EQ, the Emotional Intelligence. No one talks about this.

Dr. Robert Zoellner: Excuse me, what are you talking about? I tell you what.

Clay: You see Dr. Zoellner, have you ever met people. Have you ever been around people, have you ever a person who you have a high Intelligence but yet you are unable to emotionally connect or inspire a team of people to actually execute the vision of the business. Have you ever seen that happen where someone is very smart but they cannot execute?

Dr. Z: Yes, and we call them robots. They are from another planet and we think Clay could be certified as one so there’s no better person to talk about overcoming this problem than Clay Tron Clarke.

Clay: Now today we are talking about Emotional Intelligence, why I.Q matters more than E.Q. Here’s the big problem, most people think that you don’t qualify to become successful unless you grow up rich or you have a high I.Q. A lot of people believe that. However, I’m going to give you a little fun factoid here Dr. Zoellner, from our main man Tom Corley and he is the guy who is the founder of the Rich Habits Institute.

That’s been featured numerous times by Dave Ramsey. He says this, “86% and I repeat, 86% of wealthy believe in life-long education and self-improvement versus 5% of the poor.” Why does that matter? Because many people they put, they go to college, they get the Degree. Let’s go it’s like Engineering or in your case what? Mathematics.

Dr. Z: Hey well time out, time out, time out. It’s Friday.

Clay: It’s Friday.

Dr. Z: I have just got my car to go to lunch. If we start throwing all these numbers at me? You’re just all about jumping into the numbers you’re just scratching, I came in tonight and that’s all you been, just throwing numbers at me. I’ve had to put up a Math block in front of you.

Clay: You studied Math in College?

Dr. Z: Yes, it’s a thing, but here is the deal. The first question you got to answer on today’s show. It’s high noon, I’m hungry. Let me just at least start driving to my restaurant. Help me out there Clay. Where should I go and eat? Then let me get some food in my belly, then you can throw all these numbers at me.

Clay: Well if you want a statistical probability. A 99% probability of having a great meal, then you want to go to Oklahoma Joe’s.

Dr. Z: That’s a pretty high probability by the way-

Clay: If you want almost a certain– Some people go to Oklahoma Joe’s and they go, “I’m a member of Peter and I don’t think we should eat animals.” They probably not going to like Oklahoma Joe’s, that is 1% of the population that I know of.

Dr. Z: Well you’re probably [laughs] Right yes. If you are vegetarian, you probably don’t have barbecue on your milk route. That’s probably true.

Clay: My wife loves America. My wife, she is a great human but for some reason, she doesn’t understand the profundity and the importance of eating animals. I don’t know if she would like–

Dr. Z: What you need to do, you need to lock her in a room, a darkened room and just play this song over and over to her.

Clay: I’m ready.

Dr. Z: Just, ” America, AMERICA”. It just has like meat smells, it would be going through the room at the same time.

Clay: Until I finally indoctrinate her into the smell universe.

Dr. Z: It’s like a Brisket, you just opened up right there in the room. You can’t see it. You can smell it.

Clay: Now Z. Before we really get deep diving into this emotional intelligence topic, I feel like you and I, we’ve rehearsed for about four minutes. The Feliz Navidad [foreign word] Neither one of us have a firm grasp of harmony. And neither one of us has a grasp of the Spanish language.

Dr. Z: True but we got to tease that. That’s got to stick around there.

Clay: That is later.

Dr. Z: That’s like Dessert, that’s like Dessert. We got to-

Clay: I’m just going to make sure at the end of your dance, someone has to lead and follow. You’re going to lead I’m going to follow.

Dr. Z: I will cue it up but that’s Dessert. We going to pick the restaurant, we going to get our appetizers, we are going to get our Entree’s and then, we get the Dessert. Stick around folks [laughs] because it’s the last show before Christmas and we got to give them something.

Clay: We got to give them something. The people want something and we going to give it to them.

Dr. Z: They want something Clay.

Clay: Here we go, this from Carol Dweck. This is the author of Mindset, the new psychology of success. She is a woman who graduated from Barnard College 1967. She earned a Ph.D. from Yale. Z from Yale.

Dr. Z: That’s a Pollard word.

Clay: She taught at Columbia University, Harvard University and the University of Illinois before joining as a Stamford Faculty in 2004. She says this, “Test scores and measures of achievement tell you where a student is, they don’t tell you where a student could end up.” Z why is that so important for anyone who is listening now who maybe, you got a B? You’re a B student, you’re a C student, maybe someone listening out there is a D student.

Why is it so important to understand that your test scores do not indicate where you are going to end up. They just indicate where you are right now Academically.

Dr. Z: Absolutely, my son, I’m very proud of him. Who is in Optometry School school just had semester break and he finished up his classes. “Dad I’m so disappointed I didn’t make the grades that I wanted to make.” He really beat himself over it. I said listen, son, “I’ve been in practice for 25 years and no patient. Not one.”

Clay: No one.

Dr. Z: Zero. Not a, that’s like a small number.

Clay: Total zero?

Dr. Z: Total zero has ever asked what my G.P.A was when I got to school.

Clay: Really?

Dr. Z: Yes, none.

Clay: I can’t believe that. Here’s the deal, I have done very-very well as a business coach and consultant. As a founder of an Entertainment company, as the founder of a photography company. As the Co-founder of a Commercial Real Estate company and a lot of people would pull me aside and they would say. “I have two questions before I decide whether I’m going to list my house or commercial property with you’s.”

They always say you’s, before I decide to list my property with you’s. What I want to do is I want to verify two main questions. Question number one, what was your G.P.A? And I’m like uh and they go question number two, what was the area between the Tigris and the Euphrates River? was it a photo with silt and such? Mesopotamia buddy, you don’t get the deal.

No one asked that stuff, in Academia. If you’re listening right now and you are part of Academia. I’m sorry you’re part of Academia. But the thing is, isn’t our current education system based primarily on memorization.

Voice-over: You’re listening to The Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Dr. Z: I’m sorry I can’t remember.

Clay: Is it based primarily on your ability to memorize things and put them back on a test.

Dr. Z: That’s tragic Education. That’s for Higher learning.

Clay: Napoleon Hill, my favorite author. Napoleon, the best-selling author, who wrote, Think and Grow Rich. The number one bestselling book of all time for self-help. The guy who was the personal mentor of Oral Roberts. The guy who was the personal apprentice of Andrew Carnegie. He says, “Intelligence is defined by your ability.” He has a little different definition he says, “Intelligence is defined by your ability to act upon what you have learned.”

Dr. Z: Well that’s the key. Act upon what you learn and there some professions out there that by law, you have to jump through a lot of hoops. In order to get the license, which is kind of an important thing in some professions, to practice, trying to make it perfect, to practice that job, that profession.

Clay: Yes, the thing about here, Thrive listeners, you have listened right now, we are talking about emotional intelligence, we are trying to encourage you that we have today, we are going to get into the four aspects. The four lessons on how to improve your emotional intelligence. Before we get into the four action items that you can apply, I want to explain something to you. Steve Jobs, the guy who founded Apple. Co-founder of Apple. He dropped out of school before graduating. Steve Jobs and he did pretty well.

Dr. Z: I might say so.

Clay: Overall, I mean whatever who are we to judge.

Dr. Z: According to our grading system I would give him a good B plus.

Clay: I will say this, I have heard of Apple. Wait, somebody in our office has just sold something so we have cowbell going on.

Dr. Z: There is cowbell– Cowbell that thing.

Clay: At the Thrive 15 at Campbell headquarters, Cow Bell everywhere.

Dr. Z: It needs more.

Clay: We need more cowbell. You see I have a fever and the only cure is more cowbell.

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: Thomas Jefferson dropped out after only a few months of formal education. Thomas Jefferson one of our founding fathers, he dropped out of school. John D. Rockefeller. The world’s most wealthiest man in the history, if look him up at today’s math. If look like the basic, if you take it today what he is worth back then in today’s numbers. With the inflation index.

That guy is unbelievably successful. He says this, he dropped out of high school two months before his graduation. He dropped out two months before his graduation. Walt Disney, Richard Branson never heard of him. Elton John never heard of him either. James Cameron, Titanic. The movie Titanic never heard of it. Frank Lloyd Wright, the top Architect of our time, they all dropped out.

Dr. Z: Time, time, time out. Flag on the play. Flag on the play. On this TGIF Friday, you’re going to– because I’m driving to lunch, you’re going to sit there and tell me that the key to success is dropping out of school.

Clay: No. No. No. See the thing is you, just because I’ve said that like I don’t know 27 times in a row does not mean that’s the key. The thing is that if you have dropped out of school if you do not have a favorable academic record, if you do not have a high GPA, it does not disqualify you from success.

Dr. Z: Oh that’s a whole different thing than what I’m hearing. I’m hearing I think just a little bit of a, hey drop-out.

Clay: No.

Dr. Z: It start a-

Clay: You’re a doctor, you have a show, you’re a doctor.

Dr. Z: Start an international airline, start a theme-based wonderland park, do write songs at a red piano. I think that’s what you’re trying to say here. Make a movie about a ship that sank.

Clay: Let me read you an excerpt from Ink magazine that maybe better clarifies what I’m saying. This is from Ink magazine. They say, we know that there are many different types of intelligence, grades only measure a select few and poorly at that. A GPA does not measure a person’s emotional intelligence. It does not measure their leadership ability. It does not necessarily measure their ability to think outside of the box and to solve problems. It does nothing to evaluate a person’s ability to predict the needs of society or consumers. It does nothing to illuminate the ability of an individual to work with others and find middle ground in stand-offs and conflicts.

All of these are vitally important to an individual’s success in life and almost none of them are measured by grades. Grades, GPA’s and standardized test scores largely measures one’s ability to answer questions and regurgitate information and not much else. Ink Magazine.

Dr. Z: Absolutely true. I give that a two thumbs up. I completely agree with that by the way. I guess this shows also, let’s do two faces. Let’s get both faces. Those of you that have not finished your academia and you’re not currently in your academia, hey, we’re going to let you know that through today’s show, we’re going to give you some steps to do to help you, propel you to the next level.

Clay: Right.

Dr. Z: Also, for those of you that did academia and now you’re living on your mom’s couch down at the basement with 60 thousand dollars in debt, you got a certificate you hang on the wall and you’re like, okay I did the things I’m supposed to do now what?

Clay: What the hood is that with your university name on it, the hoodie sweatshirt?

Dr. Z: [inaudible 00:12:49] You got all color selections and they’re not hoodies. Hey Belichick was a hoody, so don’t give me–

Clay: There’s a lot of really good hoodies out there. You’re going to get when you’re 60 thousand dollars in debt at your college. You’re going to have a lot of hoodies at this point.

Dr. Z: Why not?

Clay: Yes.

Dr. Z: You got to spend 60 thousand dollars on something.

Clay: When we come back, we are going to deep dive into the difference between IQ which is the Intelligence Quotient and EQ which is the Emotional Quotient. What people know about IQ, by the way, IQ is all about how well you do on standardized tests and EQ is how well you deal emotionally with managing other people. At Z Dr. Robert Zoellner and Associate at Z66AA, your auto auction. Did you guys ever have to manage people or you just are all robots? You know robots at this point?

Dr. Z: The whole world is gone to robots, that’s what is all about.

Clay: So you have to manage some people?

Dr. Z: You have to manage some people and that uses the EQ. When we come back folks we are going to coach you up and we’ll give you all the hinder steps to get your EQ up.


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Voice-over: Live. Local. Now. You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: Alright Thrive Nation welcome back to Tulsa’s only local business radio show and into the audio Dojo of Mojo. You are listening right now. We are actually broadcasting right now from the box that rocks. I’m not going to judge you. I’m not aware where you’re listening from. You’re probably listening in a very classy place. Probably a beautiful place, probably in your office or in your car.

But Z, we’re broadcasting today from the box that rocks within the world headquarters. For those who do not know what the box that rocks is, can you kind of explain what the box that rocks is all about?

Dr. Z: We have some really cool studio back in the corner kind of no windows and this and that. They’re really kind of a high-end [inaudible 00:16:07] But we have so many people e-mailing us at Coston, are you guys just like out of your mom’s basement and this is just some kind of a big shell game. What’s going on here? Over and over and over with that, you know what, let’s just show them our mom’s basement. We built up this wall, we put windows on it. If you want to Facebook live you can see it right now.

Behind us through the windows, you can see the Thrive15 neuro center, EP center, headquarters.

Clay: They’re not going to wave at us. No respect.

Dr. Z: That’s the box that rocks. I affectionately refer to it as the aquarium because I feel like I’m a fish. As people walk by going to and fro looking at, somewhere in here filming. So that’s the box that rocks. But Clay, hold on a second, do you realize that this is Friday?

Clay: This is Friday.

Dr. Z: It’s our last show before the blessed day of Merry Christmas, of Christmas.

Clay: By the way when you say Merry Christmas, do you say Merry Christmas and go, ssss, if you’re okay with that. I mean do you do that or do you like to say Merry Christmas?

Dr. Z: I don’t even know.

Clay: Do you say Merry Christmas?

Dr. Z: Of course I do.

Clay: Okay. Just asking.

Dr. Z: Of course I say Merry Christmas because I want people to have a Merry Christmas so I say Merry Christmas.

Clay: Well you very over the line.

Dr. Z: Okay then.

Clay: Put a good show I just want to make sure.

Dr. Z: That’s another show. I’m not going to teach you how to plant your tulips either. So no home and gardening here. But here’s the deal, Clay remember when you were a little boy, I mean a toddler, a little robotic toddler you probably played, marched-in-sync around the house, and you had a far for pacifier probably. Suck in and [inaudible 00:17:44] in with your walking. You’re walking through your house. I’m sure as a small child. I mean knowing you, right?

Clay: Yes. I don’t know where you’re going with this but I’m going with it. I’m going with it. I’m a hundred percent in.

Dr. Z: Well it’s just two mornings away and so I was going to ask you something for our listening audience out there. Can you remember a special Christmas for you, just woke up and you had that magical gift that you’d always been wanting? Or is it just like me I always have socks and underwear and it was like a week after Christmas.

Clay: I had one. My grandma Dorothy is my dad’s mom. Her name is grandma Dorothy. We call her Grandma Dot which is short for Dorothy.

Dr. Z: Yes.

Clay: She came up from Waco Texas, home of the Baylor Bears.

Dr. Z: Home of the Baylor Bears?

Clay: She came up to Tulsa. I remember waking up and my grandfather who I’m named after his name. He’s grandpa Clayton. He and my grandma Dorothy had bought me one of those trampolines from Sam’s Club. The big ones?

Dr. Z: Yes, yes. Cool.

Clay: At that time and place we really couldn’t afford it. I’ve awakened up and there’s some snow out there and I see that trampoline. It blew my mind. It was absolutely just incredible.

Dr. Z: Oh man that’s awesome.

Clay: I mean I couldn’t believe it. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s a little story that’s kind of fun. It’s my grandpa Clayton. He liked to restore cars. My dad was 16 he drove a 1965 Comet, the red, these are like legendary cars. You google 1965. Has a fan on the back, it’s all red, it’s like back to the future. So my dad after high school, he thought the car was long and gone. He went to college. He thought the car is probably on block somewhere, it’s been sold, whatever. His dad put in a storage and for my dad’s 48th birthday I believed, he gave him a fully restored car. He fully restored the car.

Dr. Z: Wow that’s awesome.

Clay: It’s a little gift. I want to say that this is the season right now where you want to surprise people with some gifts. Truly is, it’s better to give than receive. I want to encourage you right now, my dad I think he just stopped smiling like a year after that. I mean he just could not stop,

Dr. Z: That’s a great story.

Clay: If you’re listening right now, I encourage you to make a list. I mean we’re talking about emotional intelligence today. We’re talking about the importance of emotional intelligence

from a business perspective. I mean, we’re really getting into how to improve your emotional intelligence and why IQ matters. Yes. But why EQ, emotional intelligence, why that really matters? I encourage you. Think about some people in your office right now today. Think about somebody in your family. Think about somebody on your team. That you could surprise. And, Z, why is it so important to emotionally connect and show some love to your team occasionally?

Dr. Z: Well, because you have to because you can’t just be the robot, you have to hear. We’ve taught it before. You can go back to Thrive Time Show and listen to past episodes. We deep dive into this. But there’s two roles you play as the boss. There’s two hats you wear as the entrepreneur. As the guy that’s in charge as the leader. One of them is, we like to refer to it as the Darth Vader or the Dark Hats.

Clay: Yes.

Dr. Z: The other one is, we’ll say is the White Hat and that’s grandma dot.

Clay: Hey, you guys. Want to play volleyball?

Dr. Z: Hey, you got us some cookies?

Clay: Does boss want to play volleyball? Cool.

Dr. Z: You want some more ice into that, cookie? Let’s open your mouth. Let me pour that ice straight in your mouth.

Clay: Why does boss have a lightsaber all of sudden? [makes noise]

Dr. Z: [laughs] Why is my arm missing?

Clay: Yes.

Dr. Z: What just happened?

Clay: Good cop, bad cop.

Dr. Z: You have to play both parts and it’s part of leadership. And you might say to yourself, “Oh, I don’t like playing good cop. I’m-

Clay: I don’t like doing it.

Dr. Z: They’re all idiots. And it’s — were crashing them. They’re always-

Clay: I want to cross them all.

Dr. Z: They’re always late. They are always on their phone. They’re always on Facebook. They’re always trying to Snapchat and Instagram.

Clay: Always trying to-

Dr. Z: Image to [makes sound] and then you might be the one that says, “ I can’t. Yes, man. I’m just, I can’t play bad cop. I just love it.” Man, I can’t– I just –

Clay: All right. Let me educate. Let me educate a little bit here.

Dr. Z: I just can’t do it, you know. I just cant’ do it.

Clay: We’re talking today about emotional intelligence and why IQ matters more than– we’re talking about why EQ matters more than IQ. Why emotional intelligence matters more than your IQ? And I’m going to give you — this is the definition of IQ. IQ is defined as how a person scores on standardized tests relative to their age. Z, this is something profound to think about.

Dr. Z: Oh, yes. I’m on it, Josh.

Clay: If you take ACT and you score pretty high as a 22-year-old. But there are 18 year old. But then you take the same test when you’re 65 and you scored the exact same. You actually got dumber according to the IQ.

Dr. Z: Yes, of course, Yes. Yes.

Clay: It’s relative to your age. Now EQ is this. It’s called emotional intelligence. If your emotion– this is from Daniel Goleman. I want everyone to write that down. Daniel Goleman. Look this guy up. He’s a legend. Okay. He says this, “If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand. If you don’t have self-awareness. If you’re not able to manage your distressing emotions. If you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, Z. Then no matter how smart you are. You’re not going very far.”

Dr. Z: You’re not going very far. And I’ll tell you what. There’s a lot of brilliant people out there and not to get too deep into it. Because there’s a lot of brilliant people out there that are brainiacs, that are very, very smart and they have zero– what we call– I mean, we call it on the street. We call it common sense. We call it just street sense. Kind of street smart that– the ability to just get into a room and make friends and get along with people, and read body language.

Clay: I’m going to brag on you for a second. I’ve been out to dinner with you or we’ve taken clients out to dinner. And there’s something about you where– and I want you to talk about it when we come back because I’ve seen you do this.

Dr. Z: Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.

Clay: And if you remember by the way if you’re listening right now. You’ve ever taken a client out to dinner and you’re kind of like, “ What do I say?” Or you’ve ever been with a client for a presentation? You’re going, “Where do I even start?” Because you just want a machine gun with [makes noise] benefits [makes noise].

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: [makes noise] facts. [makes noise] you just want to-

Dr. Z: Cry, die or buy?

Clay: Yes. If you’re into that [makes noise] and you’re not closing any deals. You got to have an emotional intelligence. If you’re out there interviewing people but no one wants to come work with you. I’ve seen you do this during dinner and you’ve been– you’ve helped people light up like a Christmas tree because you know how to connect with the other person emotionally. You know how to engage them in a conversation. When we come back Dr. Robert Zoellner is going to teach us his super moves.

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Voice-over: [music] You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: All right, Thrive nation welcome back to the Thrive Time Show and the way we go. We’re talking about how to start and grow a successful business. Specifically today, we’re talking about a topic that I, as a business coach, just don’t feel like enough people invest time fully understanding. We’re talking about emotional intelligence. What does that mean? What does that mean? A lot of people have a high IQ which is the intelligence score sheet.

Dr. Z: I’m extremely intelligent and smart and made 4.0+ grades.

Clay: Yet they go into the workforce and they struggle to have success. Then when they read about Richard Branson or Henry Ford or they read about Oprah, they realize some of the people that are winning in the world of business have a high emotional intelligence. We spend so much time in formal education, teaching IQ and how to improve your test scores. But today we’re teaching you about something that no one ever talks about. It’s how to improve your emotional intelligence.

There’s a great book. It’s a best-selling. It’s a New York Times best-selling book. I encourage everybody to get an audio book version of. It’s called Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. And he will get deep, he’ll deep dive, I mean, it’s almost like scuba diving into this topic. But the guy next to me, Dr. Robert Zoellner. He has– you have spent so much time and so much energy studying and looking into how to become the most effective person you could possibly be in the area of emotional intelligence. And, Z, you have this rule, called the Rule of Six.

Dr. Z: Yes.

Clay: When you take somebody out to dinner. When you take a client out to dinner. A prospective, a prospect out to dinner. You call it the Rule of Six. What is it?

Dr. Z: Well, it’s a Rule of Six. If you’ve ever been at a dinner party. If you’ve ever been at dinner with some of your friends. You’ll notice that if there was ever more than six, you’ll get multiple conversations that break out at dinner.

Clay: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let me just– let me make sure I am getting this. [sound] Knowledge bomb. I’m going out to dinner and if there’s more than six people. There’s multiple conversations.

Dr. Z: If you’re trying to– I like to use the word gather. Now you can plug in. There’s other terms to use. But if you’re trying to gather somebody. If you’re trying to connect with somebody and you are taking them to dinner. Don’t have a big dinner party. Don’t have 12, 13, 14 people there. You want to be– because you get six, you never going to be too far away for them sitting down.

It’s just impossible with the table, okay? Maybe a round table would be the preference. But even a squared off table you’re still going to be pretty close when you begin the conversation. Because if you’re spending your money and you’re trying to connect with somebody, you’re selling and you want to gather them. Then you have to understand that. So if you have ten people there. There will be two, three conversations going on. And guess what? You won’t have the time, the quality of time to be communicating with that person.

Clay: The conversation starts to feel like this. [music] all right. Z, how you doing? How you doing, man? Hey. Hey, bro.

Dr. Z: Hey, man.

Clay: Hey. Hey. Hey. So, hey, what? And you’re just– it’s not happening.

Dr. Z: Yes. And you can’t– the thing about it is that, hey, if you’re spending your money and you’re trying to build your business because that’s what this show is about. We’re here to give you practical business tips on how to start and grow a business. Because according to little Tinko Forbes, there’s quite a few– more than eight, more than not listening right now. It’s inside you. It’s in there. You want to get your own thing going. You’ve got an idea that’s been percolating down deep inside.

This show is about practical business tips. And, yes, listen, intelligence is important. Knowing your business, knowing the numbers, knowing your stuff, that’s the good thing. That’s yes. Over here read the books and understand, remember, regurgitate all that. That’s good over here. But there’s emotional side of it. The ability to gather up, the ability to sell. Because — here’s a little-

Clay: Sell. Sell it. I’m kind of Bob selling. I mean, I’m Bob. Do you like I’m sort of a guy?

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: I’m more about the vision. I don’t sell. I’ve got more of a — I watch a lot of TED Talks, okay?

Dr. Z: Well, even if you don’t sell. You’re going to have to hire someone to sell for you. You’re going to have to sell them on the idea of coming to work for you to sell your stuff.

Clay: Is that difficult?

Dr. Z: Is that a little too deep? Is that weird? Did I go weird?

Clay: Okay. Here we go. There are five aspects of emotional intelligence that I want you to breakdown.

Dr. Z: Is that weird? Boom! Okay. All right. Break them down.

Clay: In the context of a dinner party or meeting humans. Here we go. One is self-awareness. You got to know your emotions as they happen. Daniel Goleman says this, “Scheduling downtime is part of your routine. It’s hard but worth it. Personally even professionally. Self-awareness. Why do you have to be self-aware?

Dr. Z: Take the high road to the low spot.

Clay: Oh, man.

Dr. Z: What does that mean?

Clay: I don’t even know. I think a haiku within a haiku within a hyperbole. I don’t know.

Dr. Z: [laughs] That means, listen,

damn yourself down, all right? We’ve all been with that person that thinks they are– how do you say it? I don’t want to sound mean. You’re sitting there, you’re having lunch. It’s Friday. You’re maybe shopping and you got your earbuds in and you’re listening to the show and you’re thinking, “What is it he’s going to say? What’s it he’s going to do?” The dude at the dinner party that thinks he’s all that in a bag of chips-

Clay: I don’t want to name drop but last night I had dinner with Bo Jackson’s ex-girlfriend. Charles Barkley’s friend is one cousin Raymond was there who works for directly for a fast company. Well, that’s subsidiary for fast company.

Dr. Z: I’m not going to name drop because I don’t do that.

Clay: No, I wouldn’t do that but I will say I happen to drive a Porsche tonight. I just love Porsches. How about you guys? Z, how about you?

Dr. Z: Yes, exactly. The thing about it is this, is that being self-aware– listen, if you take the high road to the low place, in other words, if you are always thinking that you’re not trying to put yourself above where you are, now that’s easier said than done, so you’re kind of going, “Where am I? What does that mean?” Always put the focus back on the person you’re trying to gather number one. Don’t talk about yourself. Don’t namedrop. Don’t talk about– if you have to tell them of the successes you’ve had, you’re not playing the game correctly, okay? You’re not playing the game correctly.

The game is to gather into cell, that’s what we’re talking about here, okay? In business, when you have the ability to do that, then your emotional EQ is up. Being self-aware is this, is not overestimating someone’s interest in your personal doings and comings and goings.

Clay: Hey, real quick. I’m sorry, because when you said this, this just lit a fire of desire. [music] Here is the deal Z, I want to ask you why is it so important to not overestimate someone else’s interest in your topic?

Dr. Z: Come on. Because when you do, they become very disinterested.

Clay: Disinterested?

Dr. Z: Yes.

Clay: What?

Dr. Z: I don’t know how many times I’ve been with someone and they have gone on and on and on, and they’re not reading my body language, they are not seeing that I am completely checked out. They just continue driving the jeep over this wilderness of bumpiness that is just out there in no man’s land. I’m sitting there looking to him, I’m eating my soup or whatever it is, and I’m just going-

Clay: You’re done with your soup. You’ve eaten all your soup now.

Dr. Z: I’ve eaten [laughs] I’ve ordered more soup. Can I get some more soup?

Clay: You’ve started to eat the bowl.

Dr. Z: I’m breaking the bowl in pieces to eat it. Hopefully your [unintelligible 00:32:37] will catch you by 12-

Clay: You’re pulling out your eyelashes with this-

Dr. Z: Can you just take me away down to the hospital. No, but the thing about it folks is, read people’s body language. Pay attention. Pay attention to people, okay? When you’re talking about a topic, it better not be about yourself. If they ask you a question and it’s about yourself, answer quickly and turn it back on them.

Clay: Z, let’s not talk about me. Let’s talk about how you feel about me.

Dr. Z: Looks like– well, here’s the deal with, somebody asks you a question and say, “Hey. Hey, Clay. What are you doing for Christmas?”

Clay: Well, I’m doing-

Dr. Z: Nine times out of ten, they’re expecting that question asked back to them. They’re really coaching you on what to ask them. Clay, what are you doing for Christmas?

Clay: Well, we’re going to have Aubrey. We’re going to surprise them a super incredible house cabana sponsored gift-

Dr. Z: Okay enough about you, let me tell you about my Christmas. No, okay so you listen. I’ll listen, let you finish.

Clay: Z, so what are you doing for Christmas, my man?

Dr. Z: I’m flying out in Guatemala to see my new grandbaby.

Clay: You mean, Guatemala with a G and a U and a-

Dr. Z: Guatemala.

Clay: Are you going on a plane or you’re walking?

Dr. Z: Well, I think I’m going to walk some but I’ll be mostly in a plane.

Clay: Did you booked out on the line or did you-

Dr. Z: I think I’ll walk through the airports.

Clay: Again, the whole point is you people– their favorite topic is themselves, so you want to focus on the other person. You want to dial in and let the other person know, they are for one night the most interesting person in the world. You have to do that. If you want to emotionally connect with the other person, you’ve got to make them feel as though they are the most interesting person in the world. The most selfless thing you can do is let the other person feel like they are they are the most intelligent and interesting person in the world.


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Voice-over: You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: All right Thrive nation, how are you doing? How are you doing? I’d say it, well it’s an honor and pleasure for me to be on the show here with you every day because I remember what it felt like just try to start to grow a business and not know what the heck I was doing. One of the things is that I scored pretty high on a lot of different aptitude tests. A lot of those tests in high school where the teacher goes, “Well, based on your test scores, you should be–” That kind of thing.

But man, I had no idea what I was doing when I got into the marketplace about selling and emotional intelligence. The thing is in school and formal education, I kept being told, “Wow, you’re scoring high on these tests.” I actually was in a school for the gifted for a while there. I’m just telling you what– when you get into the world of business, all of a sudden, your emotional intelligence begins to matter almost more than your overall intelligence, in terms of your formal education, your academic intelligence.

Z, we were just talking about how– we’re talking specifically about if you’re taking someone out to dinner, the importance of making sure that you have a plan, you have a specific process. You mentioned briefly in the previous segment about your rule of six, can you kind of explain what the rule of six is for everybody who’s just now tuning in. The rule of six when you’re having a dinner party to gather a group of people, and maybe close a deal.

Dr. Z: Yes, I mean we’re talking about business tips, and there’s a lot of business done over dinner. There’s a lot of business done over lunch. There’s a lot of business done over small meetings like this over coffee or– coffee, it’s a thing. It’s actually a thing. Or, a latte. The idea is this, is that when you have more than six people at the meeting, it’s a casual meeting, in other words, you’re at dinner. It’s not like, “Okay. This is a formal meeting. Take your seats please and turn your book over in page four.”

Clay: That kind of Smith grab your seats. please.

Dr. Z: Yes, please, please. It’s not a formal meeting. We’re talking about a casual meeting, okay? Most of those happen in a restaurant. That’s the example we’re going to go with. If you have more than six, what will happen is that, I’ll be talking to someone and then someone will get disengaged and they’ll turn to the person next to them and they’ll start talking, and pretty soon you’ll have two or three conversations going on. But you have six or less, you’ll be able to hold to a conversation because you’ll be able to then get everybody involved in the conversation, and you won’t have to go to multiple conversations.

Clay: If we’re going out to dinner, you want to observe the rule of six, but there’s five aspects of emotional intelligence. One is self-awareness. Two is managing the emotions. I’m going to read this to you. It says, “Managing emotions. The ability to handle feelings and bounce back quickly from setbacks.” Notable quotable from Daniel Goleman. Daniel Goleman, look up that guy. He wrote the book called Emotional Intelligence. It’s a game changer and New York Times best-selling book.

He says this, “There’s a zero correlation between IQ and emotional empathy. They are controlled by different parts of the brain.” Come on Daniel. What does that mean Z? Why is it so important that you can manage your emotions?

Dr. Z: Well, you have to really kind of be prepared for that front. For men, we have a delay– the way our branch are wired is that actually is a little bit of a– you have to go to different parts of the brain to get into that. Women, I hear their brain is more like a set of a bowl of spaghetti. It’s just all more intertwined. They could get into those emotions easier. In fact, if someone’s- half of them have a conversation without getting into the emotional part of their brain. But for men, our brain is more like say a waffle with just little– like a waffle iron with a little cup here that can be enough. Forget about everything.

Clay: [unintelligible 00:38:50] it’s close deal.

Dr. Z: Forget everything else and just be in that little space in my brain. That’s why guys could sometimes be like, “You’re not being very sensitive right now.”

Clay: Me no sensitive. Me sell stuff right now.

Dr. Z: Me have a club, hit you back head, drag you out of cave.

Clay: Boof.

Dr. Z: Boof. That just happened. Maybe you have to be kind of proactive about it, and I think what you probably should do before the dinner slap yourself a few times, get a good cry, and then-

Clay: I’m going to rip off myself here about managing emotions real quick. I’m going to rip off myself and give you examples of what not to do. Old school story, but this is true.

Dr. Z: Okay, let’s hear it.

Clay: Back in the day, I had a company called DJ Connection, which before I sold it we’re doing about 4,000 events per year. If you go to The company still exists, but it was the world’s largest wedding entertainment company. I have a thing in my desk where even today, I don’t want anyone touching my stuff, period. I’m a man cave. Just don’t touch my stuff. In my man cave, I have where I set up things.

Back then, I had a desk and on my left side I remember I had a red stapler, then I have my scissors and I have my highlighters and I have my perfect sharpie pens and I have my notebook where I would

write in almost like a nine-point font. Now I type it. I would write out my agenda for the day-

Dr. Z: That’s so awesome.

Clay: -and I was just very detailed. I would come to work, and usually, not that I was, specifically at 3:30 AM. I would get to work at 3:30 AM, I would walk in, and I remember one day I would go, “who has moved the sales leads?” And I was a young entrepreneur, and I’m like, [breaths] I mean it’s almost like 3:30 in the morning I almost have like a panic attack.

Voice-over: You’re listening to The Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: You have to understand the detail you need to have in place to book 4,000 events. That means we’re booking 80 weddings a weekend, which means we have to talk to 150 to 160 prospects a week. Which means we all have to follow the same script, and there’s a system.

Dr. Z: There’s a system, yes.

Clay: And I’m going, [pause] I mean literally I remember talking to them and I almost wanted to yell at them but I was like, “who has moved the sales leads?”

Dr. Z: [laughs] You are kidding me.

Clay: And one of the guys –

Dr. Z: It was not that dramatic.

Clay: It was. I was so mad. Because we were growing so fast, I had no free time in my schedule because I was the one who was the closer, I didn’t know how to scale it up yet. And I would go, “who did it?” And one of the guys goes, “well, I took them home.” [pause] You know I’m like, “you took the leads? The very life blood of our business?” And he goes, “I was going to make some calls, you know, from home.”

And I’m going, “oh my gosh. Why would you do that?” And I tried everything within me, I’m like, “I cannot freak out.” But emotionally I looked like Doc Brown. You remember Doc Brown, from Back To The Future? He was like, “Marty, Marty, hey, Marty. Let me guess, you are a part of the future. You’re part of the Coast Guard.” And he’s like, “no –

Dr. Z: He’s got that little vest on.

Clay: He’s got that little vest on. I’m freaking out. I emotionally get it together, but I still feel that inner panic, and it’s like maybe 9:50. I look and I’m trying to find my scissors, and I’m like, “who took my scissors?”

Dr. Z: Oh my gosh. Not the scissors.

Clay: My wife walks by and she goes like, “what is going on?” And I’m just, “who took my scissors? Are you kidding me? Why would you take my scissors?” And I [sic] just going on a huge rant. I look around the office, and there’s people totally quiet. It’s almost like I’ve totally destroyed the emotional atmosphere of the office. There’s probably 20 people, 15 people. [crickets chirping] and they’re all looking at me like, “are we going to lose our jobs? Are we going to die?”

Dr. Z: They’re probably thinking– “are we going to die?” [laughs]

Clay: It was a bad deal. Now that I understand how it works, I should have handled it in a way where I would emotionally not process what was going on, and I would just go, “guys, do you know where my lead sheets are? Okay, and then, do you guys know where my stapler is?” And then I would get up to my car, “do you know where my scissors are?” and then I would get up to my car then I could go, “holy crap–” But you never want to freak out in front of your team, if at all possible.

Dr. Z: If at all possible, you’re right. Was that the idea? Do you think that age matured you into that? Or do you think that just the idea that you did it over and over and over matured you into it? What do you think?

Clay: I think it was two things. One, I just got worn out. I mean I’m just worn out firing the cannon all the time.

Dr. Z: You’re laying over your desk at 10:30 in the morning, just laying over, passed out, you’re so worn out just looking for your scissors.

Clay: Honestly, honestly, my wife has coached me a lot through this. Being married, one benefit of that is my wife is sort of self-aware of my lack of self-awareness. My wife would go, “hey, you just freaked out, and one of your guys is crying.”

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: And you see a grown man crying.

Dr. Z: In the corner crying.

Clay: I was like, “okay.” I’ve read Daniel Goldman’s book, and when I studied it I realized that a weakness for me was managing my own motivations. Now point number three is self-motivation. Now Daniel Goldman says this, he says, “every morning, I go off to a small studio behind my house to write. I try to ignore all email and phone calls until lunch time. Then I launch into the sometimes frantic busyness of a tightly scheduled day.” Z, why do you have to be disciplined and self-motivated to be a successful entrepreneur?

Dr. Z: Well, it’s part of the equation. That’s what we’re teaching you out there in Thrive Land. You can be listening live right now on AM 1170, 12 to two, Friday. Happy Friday.

Clay: Happy Friday.

Dr. Z: The Friday before Christmas. Or you could be listening to the show anywhere around the world on the listening to podcast [sic]. What we do on this show is we’re giving you practical business steps to be a great entrepreneur. A great entrepreneur has to get this concept down: you have to be self-motivated. If you sit around and wait for someone to motivate you, you’re not going to be a great entrepreneur. You’re not going to have a successful business. You’re not going to get things done.

What you would think is down time to recharge and to reboot, and to get you focused for the day, and to kind of just get yourself, “hey, we can do this. We can do this. We can do this.” You see guys all the time, I mean, I see them before a football game or something, they’re by themselves. They got their beats on their head. And just over there just their eyes are closed and they’re just going through plays, or just thinking to themselves. You can see them just self-motivating themselves.

Clay: One of my favorite guys was Ray Louis. And Ray, Ray used to get up there and he’d go, “what time is it?” And the guys would say, “game time.” And he’d say, “I asked you what time is it?” “Game time.” He would get so worked up. The team would all be ready to go. I’m telling you what, you’re talking about in a league where everyone is physically fit. Everyone is tough. Everyone is hard working. Everyone is top drafted, top college players. The difference between good and great is that adrenaline, that motivation that ability.

Andrew Carnegie, Andrew Carnegie, the late, great Andrew Carnegie, who was the number two world’s wealthiest person. He said that people who cannot [music] motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity.” Look up that quote.

Dr. Z: Wow. That hits you right in the paw-paw.

Clay: Now we come back here, Thrivers, we’re going to be talking about empathy. The importance of learning more about how to develop the skill of empathy. Stay tuned. Thrive Time Show. [music]

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Voice-over: Broadcasting from the center of the universe. Featuring optometrist turned entrepreneur, Dr. Robert Zoellner, and US SBA Entrepreneur Of The Year, Clay Clark. This is The Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: Here we go. Here we go. Welcome back to The Thrive Time Show, it’s your audio dojo of mojo fo’ sho. We are broadcasting from the left coast of the Arkansas River, within the beautiful world headquarters, and within the box that rocks. My name is Clay Clark, I’m the former SBA Entrepreneur Of The Year and a business coach. Guess who is here? It is Doctor Robert Zoellner.

This is the guy who built an optometry clinic, he goes on to build an auto auction, he goes on to build a horse breeding facility. What does that mean? [horse sound] The point is, he’s had some success. He has A-Z Medical, he’s invested in a bank, people know him. People know him. It’s Doctor Robert Zoellner.

Dr. Z: Here’s the deal, folks. Clay and I have a passion to coach you up on how to start a business or to grow a business. Or just have success in business, let’s just call it that, just success in business. A couple of years ago, we started down this wonderful path of scaling business coaching. We did that with, it was so successful, it went over so well that radio stations approached us and said, “hey, can you guys do the same thing on a radio show?”


Dr. Z: [laughs] So that’s what we did. We are just as surprised as you are about the success of this show.

Clay: It’s been a high point of our entrepreneurial coaching career. We’re so excited. We have a guy, a guy snuck in. It’s hard to sneak in when you’re six foot eight of great. But we have the executive producer, he’s normally behind the scenes. The executive producer of the Thrive Time Show, it’s Mr. Marshall Morris. How are you, sir?

Marshall: I’m doing awesome. I’m glad we got this tall table in here, finally to give me a couple extra inches –


Clay: Now we’re talking today about emotional intelligence. In college we study memorization, we study how to score high on tests, we study the academic syllabus. But a lot of times we don’t know how to do well in the world of business because no one teaches us the emotional intelligence. So we’re moving on to the fourth-

Dr. Z: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to brag on Marshall for a minute. I’m going to brag on Marshall. This is the truth because I had a dude somewhere in the world. His name was John. [laughs] That’s a pretty common name, but it was John, okay?

Clay: Sounds like a bar name.


Dr. Z: So I was like, “This is a made up story or something.” And he contacts me and said, “Hey, listen,I’ve got a buddy of mine who just started a business and he is failing miserably.”

Clay: Miserably.

Dr. Z: Miserably.

Clay: He’s the bottom of the barrel.

Dr. Z: He goes, “I would like to gift him a year of, or give him some business coaching. What do I do?” “I’m going to do a little something. I want you to mystery shop just a little bit for me.” He goes, “Well, what does that mean?” I say, “I want you to email Thrive15 at [email protected]”.

Clay: You didn’t mystery shop your own company, did you?

Dr. Z: Yes I did.

Clay: Oh, the ethics.

Dr. Z: I did the sneaky Nick Nickerson and you guys didn’t even know it, and I’m telling you about it right now in the Friday show. Everybody is finishing up their lunch and getting ready for Christmas and Santa Claus. So, I’m going to pull this on you. Here comes Santa Claus.

Clay: It’s awkward.

Dr. Z: He emails in, tu-tu-tu-tu-tu, and so I’m waiting. It’s a day or two later. He calls me up and goes–

Marshall: You’re loving this. You’re just waiting and waiting.

Dr. Z: Oh, I know. I’m milking this one because it’s a good story. A couple days later, he calls me back and says, “Oh my gosh.”

Clay: Oh my gosh.

Dr. Z: Anytime my buddy starts off a conversation with “Oh my gosh”, you’re like, “Oh no. This is either going to be really, really good, or it’s going to be really, really bad”.

Clay: It’s going to end weird Greg.

Dr. Z: Billy. He said, “Your team is awesome”. I was like, “Oh, okay. This is going in the right direction.” then I said “That Marshall called me. He was just full of information. He was appropriate. He answered all my questions. He got me signed up. You’ve got a studly team there.”

Clay: I’m going to brag on Marshall. He wore pants that day.

Marshall: [Laughs].

Dr. Z: Wow.

Marshall: That was the first step for success.

Clay: Now, Marshall is also the co-author of the Start Here book, which you can find on Amazon, which is, humbly, the world’s best business book. Now, we’re talking about point number four, which is empathy, today. We’re talking about emotional intelligence. Point number four is empathy. Okay? Recognizing emotions in others. Teaching sales in management. Notable quotable, this just in from Daniel Goleman, a notable quotable. He says, “In a high IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive, and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding”.

Now, Marshall, I’m going to ask you. You oversee the HR pipeline for, Clay Clark Enterprises, a lot of the businesses we’re involved in, and you see candidates come in all the time, many of which who have very impressive resumes.

Clay: In fact, every Tuesday at five, we interview a nice crop of people.

Marshall: Yes.

Dr. Z: A nice crop? Did you say crop?

Clay: A crop. A wonderful crop of people. About four weeks ago, there’s one lady, I’m going to brag on her. We have a lady named Teresa, who works up here, we have a guy named Alex, who works up here, and we have a guy named Mike who works up here. Mike is actually on the other side of the camera right now. What is it that stood out to you about Teresa, Mike, and Alex? Real talk. What is it about their empathy? Their skills to empathy that stood out to you. How did you know, “Okay, there’s somebody beyond just a high resume and a high IQ here. There’s something happening here”.

Marshall: Well, I wouldn’t say beyond her resume.I didn’t read any of the resumes.

Dr. Z: What? Come on.

Marshall: That’s the first thing in, then, when I actually had them in the interview. You look for the intangible things. The intangible things that indicate emotional intelligence. Things like taking notes, being detail oriented, things like engaging and making eye contact with me while I’m talking.

Dr. Z: Colligating, colligating.

Marshall: Yes.

Clay: I’m going to time out real quick because I want to ask Dr. Z. Z, you have seen this, according to Inc. Magazine— if you look at Havard, maybe you want to google search tonight, Forbes. The majority of people out there will lie on their resumes. They just make stuff up. A lot of employers have got to a point where they don’t really even read the resume until an interview has happened, because it’s like, what’s the point.

Z, when you interview somebody, back in the day, when you used to do that yourself, and I think when your team interviews people, talk to me about what Marshall’s getting into. You’re looking for subtle cues, you’re going, “Is this person the right fit or are they not?” A lot of it has nothing to do with what their degree is or where they graduated from. You are looking for certain cues, what are those queues you are looking for?

Dr. Z: I boil it down to one simple thing. I really do. I boil it down to one simple thing as I talk to them, as I notice their body language. All the things Marshall has pointing out. They give you eye contact, are they taking notes at appropriate time are they trying to sneak up texting on their phone, I mean, whatever it is, whatever it is.

Clay: During an interview, people do this stuff?

Dr. Z: Oh my gosh, I’m done. Yes. It boils down to this, do I want to spend time with this person? The thing that is most valuable to me in the day, and the thing that I can’t get back once I spend it is time. Do I want to spend time with this person when I don’t need to? A lot of times, I boil it down to that one simple thing, and there’s a lot of things that go into that. That touches on the emotional intelligence that we were talking about, and that’s being attuned with it and paying attention but if I say no to that, odds are, I’m not going to hire that person.

Clay: You taught me that, and I’m all serious. You have such ability. You’ve developed over time to manage time. You are absolutely a wizard.

Voice-over: You are listening to The Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: One of the things that I did wrong, for so many years, is there’s people that I didn’t want to spend time with because they were so ridiculous. I’m going to give you an example. If you apply for a job at, if you have watched him right on facebook live. Maybe you can zoom out if you can see the Israeli flag. Can you see the Israeli flag back there? Give me the American flag, can you see that?

Marshall: It’s probably a little dark. It’s a little dark.

Clay: Okay, Where is the deal? We have an Israeli flag in the office and an American flag. Many people ask me, “Why do you have the American flag at the or headquarters?” I say, because I’m so humbled and appreciative for the freedom we have. You understand? Freedom wasn’t free. People had to fight and die for it. The idea that you could start a business and grow a business– we don’t have to worry about.

I have traveled all over the world and I will tell you one thing, when you worry about your safety, it’s really hard to focus on growing a business. I put that up there and I tell you, even through the interview process, the wrong candidates will say, “Why do you have an American flag?” you go, “Because I’m just proud of our country, and I realize the sacrifice that it represents.” “Well, Colin Kaepernick, though, he has a point., I’m like, “Screw Colin Kaepernick, he’s wrong.” next, they’re going, “What?” I go, “I wouldn’t want you in my office if you think that way.” I’m just being real. I’m not saying I speak on behalf of Z, that’s my thing.

Dr. Z: Exactly, and when you asked me that, it really boils down to that. Here’s the deal, when you hire someone, you’re saying, yes to that person being on your team, number one, but also to being in your life, number two, and then number three, that you’re spending time with them, that if you didn’t hire them, you wouldn’t have to spend time with them.

Clay: You’ve got to recognize their emotions. You’ve got to recognize their emotional state. You know what? That person might be a perfect fit for Whole Foods, or Starbucks, or Apple, or a different company, but they might not be the right fit for your business. You’ve got to have that empathy deal. Point number five, this is the fifth aspect of emotional intelligence. You’ve got to know how to handle relationships. Daniel Goleman says this, “We need to re-create boundaries.” We carry a digital gadget that creates a virtual link to the office. You need to create a virtual boundary that did not exist before.

Dr. Z, preach it. Why is it so important for you? Because you now have hundreds of people that work with you, that you are honored to work with that are on your team. It’s awesome. You had your Christmas party the other day- your Dr. Zoellner enterprises’ Christmas party and there were, literally, I’m bragging on you, literally hundreds of people that were there and their families depend upon you. You know what? You also depend upon them. Many of them have worked with you over a decade, it was awesome.

It’s almost a tear to the eye moment when I see a guy like Dr. Boatwright, and I realize how much you guys have worked together, and Monty. It’s awesome. I hear you brag on them all the time. It’s awesome, that crew that you have assembled, that team. But you, at some point, have had to learn to create boundaries when you go home. Where even though you love these people, you have to eventually create a separation because there’s hundreds of people, and they all just reached out to you, once a day. You’d never have any time for yourself.

Dr. Z: Absolutely. Sometimes you ask a question that you answer before you end it. I have to wait. But I think it’s kind of funny.

Clay: No but you would never have time.

Dr. Z: You’re absolutely correct, I would never have time. Because here’s the deal and this is going to sound mean. Guys are very sweet, what you just say, by the way that is a special time for me. Here’s the deal, is that I wish I’d enough time in the day to have a special bond in relationship, every single person that works for me, I really do. I wish the day was 187,000 hours long, and I could sit around for chunks of time and just get to know everybody that works for me.

Clay: Red Bull just flew. This was flowing and you would never have to sleep.

Dr. Z: Yes, I didn’t have to sleep but here’s the deal, you have to guard your time, and you have to guard your personal life, and you have to limit. It’s going to sound mean. You have to limit the people that have access to you. Hundreds of people in the room, play, and I really appreciate what you’re just saying.

Clay: No, I mean I’m serious, are you bragging all the time?

Dr. Z: Here’s the deal, only a handful of those people have the ability to contact me. Like Steve Jobs, he’ll walk through choo- choo-choo, some dude would be like, “Hey, Steve.”

Clay: He had a rule of six.

Dr. Z: He wouldn’t even look at him.

Clay: He wouldn’t.

Dr. Z: This little black kid on turtleneck on. You’ve got to shower three days.

Clay: Thrivers, you have to read his book. He seriously would not acknowledge the physical presence of more than six people at a time.

Dr. Z: He would just walk on by. What he did was he encouraged those six to have six, and those six to have six. He had the hierarchy down.

When those six whenever they needed him come rain or shine. They could call him and Bam he’d be there. They could email him, he’d respond, they could text him, he’d respond, they could call him, he’d answer the phone. Those six had access to him.

Clay: Now, when we come back I want Marshall to be able to walk us through because Marshall he coaches clients all over the world. People reach out to Many times they want one-on-one coaching. What happens is they want to learn, Dr. Zoellner, his thirteen point business system. They want to learn, what are the systems that have allowed Dr. Zoellner to be successful, in optometry, in the auto auction, in the bank, different businesses, how is he doing it?

They’ll reach out to Marshall. They’ll text him on a Sunday, they’ll text him on a Saturday, and the guy’s trying to get married, okay ladies? He’s got a line of ladies applying to go on dates with the guy. He’s just trying to find the right dream weaver. He’s got to create certain digital boundaries at some point where he goes, “Look it’s Sunday, I’m on a date I can’t respond.”

And it’s tough because he’s passionate about helping them grow their business. So when we get Marshall’s going to talk about when he turns the phone off and when he starts hitting on the eligible virtuous ladies.

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Voice-over: You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on talk radio 1170.

Clay: Ho, ho, ho this is the final show before Santa arrives at your house. For those of you who don’t believe in Santa, maybe you’re 35. Dr. Z, maybe you’re 45. You’re going, “I don’t believe in Santa.”

Dr. Z: “I don’t think there’s a guy in a big read coat.”

Clay: I’m going to tell you what, Jesus is real and Santa is also real. That’s all I’m going to say.

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: They co-exist. They have a certain– I believe that Santa, he was a close adviser to Jesus. He’s not documented in the Biblical text. I don’t know if that’s– I’m just telling you, a lot of people are going, “How is it possible? Chris Kringle is– I don’t know.” A lot of your kids are listening right now going, “Is it possible?” Absolutely, it’s possible. How is it possible? I don’t know. How does a cell phone work? Do we still use it? Yes.

Dr. Z: How do they work?

Clay: We don’t know, but we know.

Dr. Z: We know that.

Clay: We know that Santa is real, Jesus is real. That’s a different show.

Dr. Z: That’s electronics and you just mixed electronics and the religious broadcast station on the same show, is what you just did.

Clay: Sorry, just Give yourself a swirly Thrivers, you’ll be able to reset here soon. But we’re talking today about emotional intelligence. So we brought a guy on the floor who knows a little something about it. It’s Mix Master Marshall Morris, he’s the executive producer of the Thrive Time Show. Before we went to the break we were talking about handling relationships and digital boundaries.

Marshall, is a business coach and literally he coaches– Marshal, how many business clients? Because we try to cap it, we don’t want you to coach more than a certain number of clients because there’s just so much work. We optimize their website, we build their website, we do their graphics design, we handle their marketing, we handle their sales scripting, their accounting, there’s so many things we do for our one-on-one business coaching clients. But how many do you typically working with?

Marshall: Two dozen, cap it at two dozen.

Clay: 24 or 25 that’s the max?

Marshall: Yes.

Clay: How hard is it? Because you love these people. You see them, there’s a lady in Oregon right now who–

Marshall: She’s awesome.

Clay: What is her name? Shannon?

Marshall: Shannon Roberts.

Clay: Brag on Shannon for a second.

Marshall: Shannon, is awesome. Shannon came to us immediately after having moved to a completely new location and she was specifically looking to open up her beauty lounge. She went from just an idea and having the skills to do it and we’ve built a brand, and business around it, real talk. The last meeting that we had with her she was like, “Oh my gosh, thank you so much for providing this site and everything that you and the rest of the team does.” Because it’s not me, we have an entire team.

Clay: What’s her website? Where can people find her?


Clay: She absolutely loves you. One more Thriver I want to brag on, they’re a Tulsa couple, Rachel and Ryan. A company called Tip Top K9. These lovebirds, they teach your dog. If you have a dog and you’re having a hard time potty training your dog, or teaching your dog to sit and to obey the commands. They have a company called Tip Top K9, and their business is doing great. They’re growing, they’re getting online leads, and you know what? I would spend every waking moment of my life answering the questions of Ryan because he is awesome, he’s diligent, he’s kind, he’s honest, he’s a rama-guy, he’s a good guy.

But eventually, you have to set those boundaries. Talk to me, you’re a single guy. You’re out there dating ladies, many ladies, they’re on a waiting list to date Mix Master Marshall Morris. Talk to me, Marshall. How do you set your boundaries? How hard has it been for you to learn to do that?

Marshall: Super hard. You talked last segment, Daniel Goldman, you’ve got to create virtual boundaries because for the first time we have virtual connections to the office all the time. Text, phone calls, voicemails, and so when you work with 25 clients you never know when that issue is going to come up for them.

Clay: They’re going to hit you up on social media.

Marshall: Social media, all the time.

Clay: They’re gong to tweet you.

Marshall: They just want to reach out to you.

Clay: Because you care.

Marshall: But if I’m always working with their time and their schedule, then the thing that’s going to be sacrificed is my time and my schedule.

Voice-over: You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on talk radio 1170.

Clay: I want to get into the four lessons on how to improve your emotional intelligence. Lesson number one is the ventilation fallacy, venting when you’re angry prolongs your mood rather than end it. Lesson number one.

Dr. Z: I’m going to fight on that. You go through because I think I’ve got a little bit different take on that than you do. That’s why it’ll be great because people can listen and then go, “Who do I believe more? Am I with the Clay philosophy or Z philosophy on this?”

Clay: I’ve studied a lot of President Obama. What’ll happen is you’ll disagree with me and agree with me at the same time and either way you’ll leave excited, so here we go. Malcolm Gladwell, he says this, this is a notable quotable from Malcolm Gladwell. He says, “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.” We’re talking about the ventilation fallacy. Venting when you’re angry prolongs your mood rather than end it, this is from Daniel Goldman. Z, why do you disagree with this concept? Or do you disagree?

Dr. Z: No, when you have anger there’s two key components to it that you have to do, that I have learned that I practice. One is validation and one is ventilation, but you have to do them correctly. You have to. Validation is where you have to acknowledge that your anger is righteous. In other words, your anger is okay to have. If you’re talking to your buddy and you’re mad about something, and you’re looking to get it validated and you just go, “What are you so mad about? It’s Nothing, you know?”

Clay: He touched my stapler.

Dr. Z: What the guy took a gun and shot you in the thigh, that’s not big deal.

Clay: He was confused, he didn’t know.

Dr. Z: The guy T-boned your car, what about it, don’t be mad about that, come on, you probably did– So you want to get validated. In order to get validated you’ve got have safe people to do that with. You’ve got have people in your circle that will not judge, not be upset with you, listen to you, and say, “Oh you know what, that’s an excellent point and I can see why you’re upset about that.” Validation, important part.

Clay: Validation.

Dr. Z: Validation. The other one is ventilation, but you have to ventilation correctly. You can’t sit there and just vent openly and randomly. Now, that I agree with you, that you can’t do. But the problem is that some people stuff down their anger and they don’t get over it properly, and then it boils up even more the next time.

Clay: Since 1975, I’ve been upset about this and I will tell you what–

Dr. Z: Hot dogs don’t have all the meat in them and I’m upset about stuff.

Clay: The kids today do not wear corduroys the right way.

Dr. Z: Yes, turn those hats around. If I see one more kid with their hat on backwards, my grandfather’s going to come up from his grave and jerk it off your head.

Clay: I swear, Dr. Z, people today just don’t care.

Dr. Z: [laughs] Anyway, ventilation is when you go and you talk about it. You express yourself, and you let it out. But you can’t just do that with anybody. There’s three categories you can do that with, okay?

Clay: Okay, here we go.

Dr. Z: One is back to the safe people.

Clay: Back to the safe people.

Dr. Z: Your inner circle, guys that you know will keep it to themselves.

Clay: Keep it to themselves.

Dr. Z: They won’t, “Oh, Clay’s really upset about that.”

Clay: Or go on social media and post that. Z says he’s pissed. I’m going to say, “he’s pissed,” on social media. He’s pissed, wow.

Dr. Z: The second one is God. You talk to Him. You don’t have to be perfect in order to do that.

Clay: That’s team work or something?

Dr. Z: That’s number two. Or your higher spiritual being, whatever that is for you. And the third one is writing.

Clay: Writing?

Dr. Z: Now writing is where you get out an actual– I suggest a pen and paper, no computers. There’s something about being able to press hard on note pad and just write and you just say.

Clay: Sweet mother [unintelligible 01:10:01] be on time.

Dr. Z: The key to the writing is this, is that you don’t go and distribute that around, your Xerox copies.

Clay: Like Eminem.

Dr. Z: He had that around, you burn it or you’d shred it or you get rid of it at an appropriate time, but you don’t put it underneath someone’s pillow and go, “Yes, I’m not mad at you but look at this”.

Clay: I’m going to say this right now though, what you have to do Thrivers, you have to find a way to release the tension if you’re a business owner. If you bottle it up, as Z said, and you just hold on to it you’re going to lose your mind. You’ve got to find a way to release that. I highly endorse every one of the action items that Dr. Zoellner just said. Daniel Goldman, he recommends these three steps, he says, “Deep breathe, go for a walk, write them and then refrain them.” Like you said–

Dr. Z: There you go, write them down.

Clay: Write them. Lesson number two– We come back we’re going to teach you move number two. Lesson number two on how to improve your emotional intelligence. Marshall Morris, he’s an expert at this. When you come back he’s going to illuminate us, he’s going to teach us, he’s going to educate us, he’s going to ruminate with us, he’s going to teach you specifically about emotional intelligence because nobody knows more about emotional intelligence than Mix Master, Marshall Morris.

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Voice-over: Live, local, now, you’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on Talk Radio 1170.

Clay: Alright Thrive Nation, welcome back into the audio dojo of mojo. I am back and in fact, that’s Michael Jack in your ear. My name is Clay Clark and I am here to help you learn how to start and grow a successful business. I’m the former SBA, that’s the Small Business Administration Entrepreneur of the Year for the great state of Oklahoma.

I’m telling you what, if you’re listening right now you are our Oklahomies. We are kin, we are excited about you because it’s a holiday season, there’s a lot of things you could be doing, but you’ve decided to invest in yourself. You’ve decided to learn how to start and grow a successful business. I’m joined, as always here with Dr. Robert Zoellner, the co-host with the mo-ost.

Dr. Z: Welcome Thrivers to Friday, you made it. You made it another week. You know what this weekend is? It’s time for Christmas.

Clay: Are you ready to sing Feliz Navidad? I hyped it up earlier. You’re ready, you can lead the way.

Dr. Z: No dessert time is not here yet, it’s not time to eat your little sugar cookie. It’s not time, it’s not time.

Clay: Okay.

Dr. Z: We’re going to take that on the outro out, it’s a little dessert and we’ve been practicing on it all day long. I’ve been stretching. Working on my octaves, working on my-

Clay: Yes, neither one of us have a grasp on harmony but we’re going to go all in.

Dr. Z: You know what’s great? If you’re on Facebook Live right now and you want to see a beautiful person just flip– If you’re not on Facebook Live, flip it on but the guy between us-

Clay: He is-

Dr. Z: We’re making a Marshall sandwich here.

Clay: He’s six foot eight of great.

Dr. Z: Six foot eight of great.

Clay: You ever heard of Marshall Law?

Dr. Z: Yes.

Clay: That’s what this is.

Dr. Z: That’s what this is.

Clay: It’s Marshall Law. Mix Master Marshall Morris, he’s executive producer of the Thrive Time Show. We’re talking today about Daniel Goldman, and specifically this concept he came up with called emotional intelligence. What they’ve found, “they” being Carol Dweck, Doctor Carol Dweck, Daniel Goldman, researchers is that the biggest predictor of your success is not your intelligence quotient, aka your IQ, but it’s your EQ. So if you have a high intelligence but you don’t know how to empathize and emotionally connect with other people it’s going to be tough.

Lesson number one was you’ve got to make sure you can deal with issues as they come up because, by the way, they’re going to come up. Lesson number two is you don’t want to ruminate when you’re sad; you want to distract yourself instead. The definition of rumination is to give serious and careful thought to the idea. You’re basically just brooding Marshall, you’re thinking negative thoughts over and over and over to the point where it leaves you in a state of sadness.

Marshall, walk me through why the top entrepreneurs, that you’ve had a privilege to coach over the years, why you’ve noticed- What kind of pattern have you noticed as the ability to emotionally rebound quickly?

Marshall: Okay this is huge because the entrepreneurs that they don’t wallow. They don’t wallow, I love that word, wallow, wallow in the problem. So, maybe an employee. We had a client I was working with, an employee made a bonehead decision. Dumb decision. Not because the employee was bad natured or trying to sink the ship or anything like that, it was just a bad decision.

You’ve got to be hard on the problem not hard on the person and they move past it. They moved past it, they didn’t just sit there and wallow for weeks on end, “Oh my gosh, this cost the company money.” They were hard on the problem, soft on the person and they moved past it.

Clay: Now Daniel Goldman suggest things to do if you’re going through a rough patch, or you have an issue that arises in the office or in your personal life. One is he says funny movies. Two, is he says–

Dr. Z: [laughs]

Clay: He says two is work outs.

Dr. Z: I’m going to pump you out the tribe. Get out of the way so just pump.

Clay: Third is, he says, “Dr. Zoellner’s sponsored events”? What does that mean?

Dr. Z: That means you’re going to have some fun. Because we know when we cook the pig.

Clay: I’m going to tell you this though, when you’re listening right now and you’re- If you’re listening right now and you’ve gone through the last 10 years without a- One of the Thrivers, this is a true story, kind of sad, but his mother was t-boned in a car accident less than 48 hours ago. Dominic if you’re listening right now we’re praying for you. His mom is in the hospital and she’s in a coma state. My wife called him today to pray for her.

It’s a tough deal, it literally just happened. I found out about it just today at about 2 o’clock. My dad was suffering through ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease. If your listening right now, we’re all going through something, are we not? No one’s out there listening going, “That’s just perfect, Santa, I love Will Ferrell. I love Santa. It’s perfect.” we’re all going through something.

The key is, if you’re going through hell, don’t stop. You got to keep going. You’ve got to find a way to quickly distract yourself and get yourself back in the game if you’re an entrepreneur. You can’t just wallow on that. Dr. Z, what are some moves or tips that maybe you have when you’re going through a really bad spot, how do you either distract yourself or get yourself over it? What do you do?

Dr. Z: Well, I love what Goldman says, to do small tasks. There’s little things, maybe that you go, “I need to get done,” and little things you can do that can keep your mind busy, even your body busy. Working out, I like playing soccer for instance, I think tennis is a good workout. But whatever your move is on the workout, whether you actually go to the gym or you get on a treadmill, physical exercise is really good whenever you’re ruminating or you don’t want to ruminate on something like that.

I think going to a movie, Rogue One just came out this last weekend. Go to Rogue One or go to a movie that you’ve been wanting to see, buy yourself a big thing of popcorn and sit there and just pound popcorn and watch the movie. Those are the kind of distractions- Also, reading books is another move that I would do, is read books. You want to just keep yourself busy and do something fun. Whatever’s fun for you, whatever’s fun for you, you want to gravitate toward that.

Clay: Now lesson number three, we’re moving on, lesson number three of emotional intelligence is you’re going to have to learn the artful critique, how to criticize the right way. I’m going to go and give you the rules but I want to have you, Dr. Z and Marshall, unpack this for us, okay? Here’s what you don’t do; you don’t just walk up to someone and go, “Greg, you are screwing up. I will tell you what Greg, you are just one-“

Dr. Z: “You’re an epic failure today, Greg”.

Clay: “Boom, I talk about awesome and I don’t talk about you.” Now, move number two, the best critique, the way to critique is you want to be specific, offer a solution, do it face to face and show empathy. I repeat- You might want to write these down. It might be tough if you’re at Oklahoma Joe’s right now enjoying your baked beans, but you might want to get a Spork out and engrave it into your napkin right now. Just do what you have to do.

If you’re at Oklahoma Joe’s enjoying the baked beans from our gracious sponsor, then you got to do what you got to do with the spork. But these are the four rules; be specific, one. Two, offer a solution. Three, do it face to face. Four, show empathy. Z, walk us through being specific, offering a solution, do it face to face, show empathy. Go for it.

Dr. Z: Hey Billy, do you got a minute?

Clay: Yes, I do.

Dr. Z: Come on in here Billy, I want to talk to you about something.

Clay: Okay, cool. What’s up, bro?

Dr. Z: You see Billy, there’s a thing we have called the checklist.

Clay: Oh okay, cool, yes.

Dr. Z: There’s a thing called the script when you’re answering the phone, okay?

Clay: Yes, the script, yes.

Dr. Z: And you’re not following the script.

Clay: I was just trying to do it over all, like, sort of a guideline.

Dr. Z: So here’s what we are going to do, Billy. From here on out, I need you– where is your script? You have your script?

Clay: I was– I left it in my car because it’s more like a paper to me.

Dr. Z: We’ll let’s get you a new copy of the script, Billy, okay?

Clay: Okay, got it.

Dr. Z: I know it’s challenging at times, and I know sometimes you think you want to go with the flow and you want to try to do it on your own, but this is the proven way we do it here at the company.

Clay: Okay.

Dr. Z: And so, you’re not following it. We’re going to give you an opportunity to follow it.

Clay: Got it.

Dr. Z: And I am telling you this, man to man, face to face, and I don’t want to have this conversation again with you, Billy. I am cheering for you. I know you can do it.

Clay: I am cool with it. I am cool with it, man. I appreciate that, I appreciate you being real with me. I am going to go cry in my car for about an hour, and I am going to come back in. I just got to go to Oklahoma Joe’s. I got to call my mom and I will be back. That was– I appreciate that candid, bro, we had a thing. We had a moment that just occurred right there.

Dr. Z: Can we hug it, can we hug it out now?

Clay: Let’s hug it out at Oklahoma Joe’s. Stay tuned.

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Voice-over: You are listening to the Thrive Time Show on talk radio 1170.

Clay: All right, Tulsa, Oklahomies, welcome back to the Thrive Time Show. It’s Tulsa’s only local business radio show. My name is Clay Clark. I’m the former SBA entrepreneur of the year in your ear and as always, I’m joined with Dr. Robert Zzzz–Zoellner. Sir, how are you?

Dr. Z: I’m great. I feel kind of short tonight, though.

Clay: Do you?

Dr. Z: I mean today, I’m sorry– today and tonight, but today especially.

Clay: You look beautiful, though.

Dr. Z: Well, I thank you. I appreciate that but standing next to me is like a former– Were you semi-pro? Or would you count as professional basketball player?

Marshall: I got paid.

Dr. Z: Well then, he’s a pro.

Clay: Sellout.


Dr. Z: I’m standing next to a professional basketball player, Marshall Morris, weighing in or standing in at six foot eight.

Clay: Of great.

Dr. Z: Of great.

Clay: Weighing at probably what?–2 or 220–

Dr. Z: His body is so big. He has a great body.

Clay: Can you still dunk it, Marshall? Can you still dunk it?

Marshall: I can. I did it over the weekend. It was pretty impressive. I was actually surprised.

Dr. Z: Is that like a 10 ft thing or do you like it when you crank up–

Clay: How many third graders were you playing against?


Clay: You did dunk? Where were you at? Where were you playing?

Marshall: I was playing on Sunday League, here on Tulsa.

Clay: Where is the Sunday League?

Marshall: It is out in the Salvation Army, out in Broken Arrow.

Clay: Wow. Was it serious?

Marshall: It was serious. It was the competitive league. Now, I’ve moved up from direct league which I was playing in for so long. Now the competitive league.

Clay: Wow, now you’re finished in the bottom of the barrel or you’re keeping up with the guys?

Marshall: I tell you what, 94 feet is much longer now than it used to be.

Clay: Wow. Okay now. Here’s the deal, thrivers, we are talking today about emotional intelligence. You might say, “Why do I care?” I will tell you this, I know many people have a great idea and can’t ever raise capital because they don’t know how to emotionally connect. I know many people who have a great business plan and they can’t ever convince someone to come join their team. I know many people who are very good at coding out a website but they cannot raise awareness about their product because they don’t know how to connect with humans.

It’s a concerning deal and Daniel Goldman wrote about it eloquently in his book called Emotional Intelligence. That’s what we’re helping you today. We’ve spent so much time teaching you, IQ, in the world of academia, but very little time teaching you about the emotional intelligence. Which by the way, I tell people, two thirds of the human body, Dr. Z, correct me, is water, right? Medically speaking.

Dr. Z: Medically speaking.

Clay: Two thirds of life is emotion, so deal with it. Lesson 4, Emotional Contagion. The definition of contagion. Well, contagion is something like– it spreads. Emotions are contagious. We’ve all known it experimentally. After you have a really fun coffee with a friend, you feel good. When you have a rude clerk in a store, you walk away feeling bad.

Daniel Goldman, you want to set the emotional tone. Dr Z, you have the floor here, my friend. Setting the tone. Why is it so important for you as a business owner, as an entrepreneur, as a human on the planet earth who wants to have some success, why do you have to absolutely accept the fact that your emotions are contagious?

Dr. Z: Well, because you are the head of your business. Just literally, physically, look at it like that. As the head, you are telling the rest of the body where to go, how to get there, what to do, okay?

Clay: I want all the kids to shut up and get in the car. We are going to have a great time at Disneyworld but I want everyone to shut up.

Dr. Z: Exactly. I don’t know how many times that I have walked into my offices and have had something deep in my thought. I’m in not the best of mood. Something just happened.

Clay: Where is my remote? Where is it?

Dr. Z: What’s going on? and all of a sudden, I look up and go, “Why is everybody in a bad mood today? Just snap out of it. What’s going on? Smile. Why are you not smiling, Billy? Nancy, start smiling. Come on guys, what’s up, hey, come on. It’s great to be alive.”

Clay: Just because I took hog’s blood and put it all over the walls does not mean its wedia. I just was going through a thing, I’m tired at looking at that hog and I had to butcher him right here in the office. Now we know what’s going on, holy crap, please focus.

Dr. Z: Please focus. I tell you what folks, if you come in and you shake off that what’s happened bad, because we all have it every single day of our lives, and when you go in there as the leader of the organization, you got to put a smile on. You got to fake it. Some days, you just got to absolutely fake it.

Clay: I’m doing good. I just hit the hog. He died. In my office.

Dr. Z: [laughs]. What is that? You can’t– I’m the pig guy, you cant take– you can’t be the hog guy. You know my animal zone. You’re more like the chicken dude.

Clay: You remember Animal House? The movie, Animal House. Where they go in there and try to play pranks and they walk the dog in the Dean Wormer’s office. Then they fire a blank but the horse gets so scared, has a heart attack and died. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it on YouTube. That’s what I envision when a boss is upset.

Dr. Z: He just takes a horse into the office, fires up a gun, pretends like he shoots, the horse falls over dead.

Clay: It’s the elephant in the room. Marshall, talk to me about it. Why is it so hard? You manage people. You’ve led our morning meetings. You do recruiting. When you are just beside yourself, so mad, that people can’t figure out how to get to work on time. Why is it so important not to just broadcast that with great passion.

Marshall: Well, it’s a momentum. You have an office momentum, an office pulse. You, as a manager, or business owner, you got to set that. And everybody else will follow suite because whoever is the most passionate in the office, whatever that emotion is, whether its anger, whether its excitement, whether its sadness, the strongest emotion in the room will always win.

Dr. Z: Oh wow. Emotional.

Clay: I’m telling you, that’s how it works. If you are listening right, if you’re being honest with yourself, I want you to go ahead and– if you’re going, “I’m not honest with myself. I love to light up myself. I prefer to just be false with myself.” That’s another show, but we are going to go through the four lessons. I’m going to recap them real quick, and I want you to rate yourself real quick on a scale of one to 10 on your ability to manage these effectively.

Voice-over: You’re listening to the Thrive Time Show on talk radio 1170.

Clay: Lesson number two, how effectively do you vent in a safe and productive way? Lesson number two, how long are you ruminating over issues? How long are you just venting and venting and venting. Three, artful of critique. How good are you at delivering an artful of critique to your team members? four, your emotional contagion. How good are you at being able to be upset but kind of a poker face and not necessarily broadcast that to the planet at the wrong time? How good are you at doing that?

Z, many people have been asking, they’re hitting us up on Facebook live, they’re emailing us. They are going, “You guys talked about singing Feliz Navidad, I’m waiting for it,” I’m going, “When is it going to happen, it’s the last show before Christmas.” Dr. Z.

Dr. Z: I think we’ll lead out with it. We got a few more minutes in the show, and I tell you what, people out there–

Clay: It teases us.

Dr. Z: Yes, I know, that’s what I do. Listen, it’s Friday, it’s the last show before Christmas, we have a special treat for you. Yes, we are going to serenade you. Watch out. You’ve been warned. All the SCC guidelines have been followed. We warned them in due time so they have time to get into a truck stop and get off the highway.

Clay: We apologize for the next 30 seconds of on excellence.

Dr. Z: The next 30 seconds is a test to see whether you can keep listening in or not. Here’s the deal, Clay. Two years ago, you got me down as rabbit hole. You came up to me and said, “Hey, listen. I love business coaching. I love mentoring young entrepreneurs.” You said, “It’s too bad we have a limit on how many hours in a day there are.” I said, “That’s right, that’s a problem.” I said, “All great entrepreneurs find a problem and then fix it. That’s how they get their business going.” You said, “I think I know a way to fix that problem.” I said, “Well, do tell.”

Clay: Are you read easy to walk the plate of

Dr. Z: You said, “Hey, let’s make an online website where people can log in and buy categories and buy different mentors.” You can either look up, or you got a favorite mentor. You want to hear Jill Donovan’s story about Rustic Cuff, you can just zone in on her. You want to hear Lee Cockerell’s story about running Disney World, you can listen to him. Or by categories, then get on there and watch it and learn and laugh and have a great time with it. It can encourage them, and it educates them on how to start or grow their business.”

Then I said, “I’m in. That’s awesome, let’s do it.” We combed the country, and we found millionaires and success stories and great guys. We even found a couple of tall guys.

Clay: Yes, we had David Robinson, these NBA, the National Basketball Association MVP. This is a guy who, off the court, has actually been more successful than he was on the court. He’s the MVP of the NBA, two-time gold medal winner in the Olympics, but he went on to start Carver Academy, an unbelievable school. He, by the way, if you’ve driven by Academy Sports, that’s his business.

Dr. Z: That’s his business and he’s the only guy that makes Marshall look short.

Clay: Yes, he does. Marshy judges him because he’s too short.

Marshall: [laughs] I can’t even talk to him. I can’t relate to him. Too short.

Dr. Z: He’s like 7’7″ something, right? Seven foot or whatever?

Clay: Yes. He built the world’s best business schools called Then we had people reach out to us to go, “I need one-on-one mentorship,” and so we introduced the business coach and coaching program, Z.

Dr. Z: Yes, they said, “Hey, listen. This is good, but I want to take it to the next level. Do you have something for the next level?” We were looking at each other going, “Do we have something for the next level, or do we have something?”

Clay: Do we have something?

Dr. Z: Let’s get something for the next level.

Clay: And we did with this. I had been coaching clients one-on-one for years, and it’s like, “Hey, let’s scale that. Let’s offer a way to do it,” and we’ve democratized it. We’ve made it so inexpensive for literally less money than it would’ve cost you to hire a barista. You can have the world’s best business coaching program and the succinct repeatable systems that Dr. Zoellner and I use in every one of our businesses.

Dr. Z: But then some people said, “I want one-on-one, but I don’t want to do a monthly deal. Can I just come in and do a deep dive?” We said, “Absolutely”

Clay: I want to come to a workshop.

Dr. Z: Absolutely, break out things, and you can meet some of the mentors there. It’s a two day, 15-hour workshop where we go over — I mean, we go over a whole list of things.

Clay: We had to move buildings to go into a 20,000 square-foot building here by the Jigg’s Riverwalk to accommodate everybody who wants to come to these things. It’s unbelievable, it’s a game changer.

Dr. Z:, $19 a month. Go to it. Every time you get a membership, guess what you’re going to give a free one to the military, and you know what time it is, folks?

Clay: It is time for the unveiling of —

Dr. Z: Feliz Navidad. We’ve been practicing, so let’s see if we can get this.

Clay: One, two, three, here we go.

All : [singing] Feliz Navidad.

Clay: Come on, Z , here we go.

All: [singing] Feliz Navidad.

Clay: Parararapap

All: [singing] Feliz Navidad.

Clay: [singing] Buy glasses at Zoellner’s, felicidad.

All: [singing]. We want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Clay: Everybody sing with me.

All: We want to wish you a Merry Christmas. We want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of our heart.

Clay: Three, two, one.

All: Boom!

[01:33:02] [END OF AUDIO]


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