7 Steps to Encourage Your Spouse in Both Business & Life

Show Notes

Do you want to grow closer together with your spouse as you grow your business? Vanessa and Clay Clark teach 7 steps for encouraging your spouse in both business and life.

Set your goals together

  1. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” – Brian Tracy (Best-selling author and legendary corporate trainer and consultant)
  2. This way you are genuinely excited to achieve them.
  3. What ways can you contribute to reaching each other’s goals faster?
    1. For business
    2. For family
  4. AMPLE EXAMPLE – www.djconnection.com
  5. ACTION ITEM  – Block out time to talk to your spouse. Write your goals down separately and then bring the lists together to compare.Recognize that you will go through different seasons en route to reaching your goals
  1. Times of working longer hours
  2. Times of wearing ALL the hats in your business
  3. Times of tight finances
  4. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “We forget: In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you or where you came from. It matters what you do with what happens and what you’ve been given.” – Ryan Holiday (Best-selling author of The Obstacle is the Way)
  5. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “If you’re not failing, you’re not pushing your limits, and if you’re not pushing your limits, you’re not maximizing your potential.” – Ray Dalio (Founder of investment firm Bridgewater Associates, one of the world’s largest hedge funds)
  6. What season are you in? You don’t want to accept your season as your reality.
  7. AMPLE EXAMPLE – Clay wanted to build a Scottish rock wall like the following
    1. https://www.google.com/search?q=scottish+walls&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi05pCd7YrdAhWDna0KHb_tDMQQ_AUICigB&biw=962&bih=912#imgrc=yUTpC1DCx6S2KM:Alleviate each other’s pain points
  1. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.” – Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
  2. BOOK – The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
    1. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X
  3. This helps unify you as a team.
  4. This helps decrease stress, when you don’t feel that you are in something alone.
  5. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25

    Don’t aggravate one another’s trigger points
  6. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usually an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.” – Robert Greene (The 48 Laws of Power)
  7. You know each other well. I am sure you know what is crazy making for your spouse – Don’t do it.
  8. Let your spouse see that you support them in the areas that are important to them.
  9. AMPLE EXAMPLE – Vanessa: Important to me that I am involved/have a say in anything that we commit to that impacts us as a family financially.
  10. AMPLE EXAMPLE – Vanessa: Important to me that I know where the spouse is/what time to expect him so I can make family plans accordingly and with confidence that they will work out.
  11. AMPLE EXAMPLE – Clay: Do not change up his routine.

    Find things that are meaningful to your spouse and do them
  12. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Make time every day to share with each other some of the events of the day. When you spend more time on Facebook than you do listening to each other, you can end up more concerned about your hundred “friends” than about your spouse.” – Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate)
  13. Sweet notes
  14. Texts
  15. Small gifts
  16. Words of affirmation
  17. AffectionPraise your spouse when you have the opportunity
  18. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou (New York Times best-selling author, actress, and critically acclaimed writer)
  19. In public
  20. In private
  21. Especially in front of your children

    Take time out to review your game plan together & celebrate your successes

  1. NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” – Oprah Winfrey
  2. For your business – review your progress towards goal
  3. For life – See that you are going the right direction and celebrate the victories you all have had.
    1. Celebrate with your kids as well

FUN FACT – “17 percent of couples are content in their partner.” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201709/are-you-among-the-growing-number-unhappy-married-people

Business Coach | Ask Clay & Z Anything

Audio Transcription

Two men, 13 multimillion dollar businesses, eight kids, one business coach radio show. It’s the thrive time business coach radio show. Get ready to enter the thrive time show.

Oh yes. Thrive nation. Welcome back to the thrive time show on your radio and podcast download. My name is Clay Clark. I am the father of five incredible human kids. Nana’s because of my incredible wife of 17 years who showed up in the studio today with a haircut that is dramatically shorter than it was last time. Nicole. I think he’s radically radical. Radical, totally. Without, without, uh, it wouldn’t be prudent to get a haircut that dramatically different. Cool. She’s a shape shifter. Oh Man. I didn’t even know about your girlfriends on today’s show. Whoever it is is here to talk to us about how to encourage your spouse in business and life. And the reason why we bring a each week we try to bring my business coach wife on the show to teach these principles is because as a woman, as an entrepreneur, she brings a certain perspective to the table that I don’t bring as a man bear pig.

And so, I’m sorry Vanessa couldn’t be here, but we’re joined today with whoever it is to teach us the principles. And so is that your name? But Nisa. Chuck, why don’t you read the first principle Vanessa’s teaching on today’s show? We have seven principles we’re teaching today just as a car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther. When the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance. Brian Tracy, Brian Tracy, a is a, is a legendary bestselling author. I’ve read all his books, great writer. He’s written a lot of books and it’s hard to keep up with. He’s written so many. He’s awesome. But Brian Talks about how when you know your goals and you and your spouse on your goals and you have the same values and goals and you’re going in the same direction, it’s awesome, but if you don’t and you’re driving the wrong way on a freeway where you’re going one way and they’re going the other, it gets weird. Vanessa talked to us about the importance of setting goals together and how we go about doing it.

Well, I just think it’s so powerful because like you said, if you’re on the freeway and you’re both headed the same direction, um, or you’re in a ship or let’s say you’re in a boat and you’re rowing the same direction, you’re going to get there so much more quickly than if you’re going against each other in two separate directions. You’re not even to get there. Are you going to go in circles a yes. And you know, and if you’re on a freeway near two different cars, going two different directions, you’re going to crash. I know, right? Head on collision. So you’ve got to sit down and set your goal together. But why I think this is so powerful too, because if you can genuinely be honest with your spouse and, um, and each of you what’s important to you and in set those goals, you are genuinely going to be excited for you both as a team to achieve them.

So you’re going to be rooting for one another because you want to get there. You both want to get to the same place. You see people, they sabotage each other when they’re not in the same, in the same direction, and that’s a terrible place and that’s because they got to sit down and have that. One of them actually doesn’t want to go where there were, where their ship is taking them. So they’re trying to stop. We’ve seen that with clients, right? Clay, I mean there’ll be a husband and wife team and somebody sabotaging the business because they actually.

Let me give you an example of Vanessa and I that, that uh, where I, I don’t know, didn’t pay attention, didn’t make a good business coach decision for, for like a know Steve, I’d like to say because I want the show to feel. I wanted to show to always make it appear like I’m a, like I’m a genius. What I mean it’s, I want it to be more of like, oh, how I learned. And like two or three days I’ve never had to do it again. Ever immediately discovered that I did this and I was just so self aware if anything negative to say it was me. Yeah, I remember when did you know, this is what happened, this is what happened with me is we started a company called Dj Connection Dot Com. We can put a link to it on the show notes. It’s still around today.

It’s a great company. It’s doing well. Different ownership. Uh, but DJ connection.com and I wrote a sales script that worked really well. The on hold music is hilarious. I wrote, um, I made his way to organize the music. I built the systems. I chose the microphones. Who would use the 1955? The only delete this Mike. Yeah. The only Dj company that used the 55 sh, elvis, Mike. So he doesn’t have one hanging up with the man cave here. The only Dj company that had our process. We had a 100 point checklist. We, when we, when we met with every bride and the mom before the wedding, we went over a plant. We have them plan their wedding. We’re the only. We did it unlimited time. We really change the DJ industry. A lot of companies followed what we did and I’m. One of the things chuck, that I did wrong for like, I don’t know, I mean I don’t know, it wasn’t like two weeks. Chop is more of like a 10 years.

Oh that’s good. That’s a good decade. Is that book myself first. So whenever someone would call it a book, I would always go, yeah, I’m available on that particular day because I love Dj. So I booked dj every Friday. But Vanessa it can verify every Friday night, every Saturday night and when possible every Sunday night. And if there was any way possible to Dj like an applebee’s or outback or a karaoke bar on a Tuesday, I would do it for like 200 bucks and I. So I would dj at any place anytime because I loved it. And then most people

I just had to add for like 200 bucks. No, no, I understand. Taking the big shows like this makes sense, but it’s

like sand springs. The community centers fundraised for 100. Like I’ll take it, I’ll do, I’m the best Dj and I did and I did that. And also, um, I would do deals like Bama Pie. You know, I agreed to Dj like 40 events in a year personally for them. Um, I just had all these, I had all these deals going and I was like the man because I’m like, dude, I have just secured shop, you know, $300 a show, 3:50 a shell and I just put 50 of them. Guaranteed done. I’m a baller. I have scaled blue Polo. There’s a song I know. Anyway, the, what happens is I get. Anyway, Steve, what happens is, is people always want to celebrate their big events in life by hiring a DJ. Right? So like a birthday, but new year’s eve to people want, have any parts. I booked that one in Valentine’s. As you know, the nursing home in North Tulsa always wanted to have an event on Valentine’s Day. So I did that one every nursing home. Oh yeah, I remember that one. This is the right thing that before kids, like, we would just go to all the shows together like. Yeah, because I mean, what else that we have to do. So. But then once we had kids I couldn’t go, so I would take care of the djs returning. But yeah, I didn’t like him like every new year’s. Every year.

Yeah. And it was the eve of Christmas Eve though. People have parties like the Twenty Second Twenty first 20th we’ll have. You will have a lot of parties. So I did all of them so we could ever go on vacation because I did it up until the 23rd usually. And then I would dj at a show in the twenties. A lot of brides want to get married the day after Christmas. It was kind of a move. So I would do all those. Then you would hibernate the 24th and 25th and 26th. So the point is probably Dj is that morning I did not sit with my wife together. Right. And align our goals and therefore my wife could not be genuinely excited about the growth because as we got bigger it was worse. And so what you want to do is you want to figure out what ways can you contribute together to getting to your business coach goals and you must work together though to agree on some goals. So Vanessa, tell us about why you have. Why does it take time? I mean because you and I spent hours and sometimes even weeks trying to agree on a goal. You know, why is it so important that when you go through the effort of aligning on the goals before you start taking action, you’re

never going to be excited about getting there. You’re never going to be, I’m genuinely a 100 percent rowing in the same direction if you’re not in agreement about your destination. So it does take time. It takes effort. But I think if you take the time to sit down with your spouse, you’d be surprised about how much more you agree on. Then you don’t. So start with the areas you agree on. Start and say, okay, don’t look at my paper. I’m not gonna. Look at yours. You write out what your ideal schedule looks like. All right, at what are my ideal schedule? Looks like, and for our family and then compare because actually when, when we did that we were kind of both like, Oh, both of us clay doesn’t want to work nights and, and I both don’t want him working nights, you know, are talking after Dj land in this new new era. Right. And so that was easy. We both agreed on it. He’s like, I like getting up early in the morning. I have no, I don’t want to be there after this time. So if you start with what you agree on, I think that that’s huge because you’re getting positive momentum and then look at the differences in your desires and start talking about why um, you, you have the, the, those beliefs start there.

It is a good example of this though. It’d be like I with, with the DJ company, I, people don’t realize that I used to stay up every single night until like 3:00 AM dj every night. And so like I honestly don’t like being up at night at all. I hate it. So I’ll, if I can get know Vanessa was going to be gone until like 8:30 at night. I’m like I can go to bed now because I love going to bed at 8:30 or nine. I love sleeping at night. I love it. I love waking up like it early, like three or four in the morning. That’s my perfect flow cause I don’t see anybody for four or five hours. It’s so good. I hate the nighttime because everyone’s out in everyone’s drunk. Steve, you noticed this, if you ever tried driving in downtown Tulsa around like 11:00 PM?

Yeah, I don’t anymore. I used to drink it. Hit Bro you to now? Yeah. Like when you don’t drink, you really realize how dumb drunk people are. I used to be that guy. I’m just saying is like I like to get up early because the only people who are up or like ex military and me, hey you should drive down Delaware from my house to thrive at like 5:00 AM. It’s awesome. There’s no, there’s no traffic. It’s great. Not Me. But another guy. No does like 90 down there in his. Nice. Yeah, just another guy just because no one’s there, and if anybody is, I’m thinking, where are you doing out? What is wrong with you guys? In a way, an item for anybody out there I want you to do is I want you to block out time to talk to your business coach spouse and say, hey, we’re gonna. Sit down together here and discuss our goals, but let’s each go our own way and let’s write down our goals for the next year. You write your goals down. I’ll write my goals down. Vanessa and I do this often and I think it’s so important to not have the others you know, influence on it. Just like you said, turn, go back to back, right, your goals, your ideal, and then compare and start from there.

Now the next step, the next step, what you want to do, if you want to encourage your spouse in business and life, if you want to recognize that you’re going to go through different seasons in route to reaching your goals, it’s going to happen. You’re going to have different times. Um, and what I want to do is I want to share with you examples of the Times that Vanessa and I went through and then you can go. Okay, maybe I’m going through that. I remember. So Chuck, uh, we share, we talked about a lot the workshop, um, and I’m sure you and candace had gone through that, but there’s that newly married faced during that newly married face. Wonderful time. Do you remember the pre, newly married face? Like rabbits? This rabid, rabid. You know what I’m saying? It’s like you have this primal desire to just all, I want to marry this person.

I just want to. Oh, just, just hormones everywhere. And then you’re just in your, just in your dating all the time. You’re making out all the time. You’re just Kinda, it just, it’s like slavery everywhere, everywhere. You seem like a large bull mastiff. Just Jonathan Barnett has one and it slobbers all the time. It’d be like, yes, absolutely. Oh No, seriously, just constant. Just making out, looking for ways to sneak away behind a building. No, I’m serious. That’s when you remind them of a bullmastiff. That’s what he said. Exactly the point. The point is though, is that there’s that pre marriage sort of thing. Right? Then there’s that euphoria of like, we’re married. How am I zen? What happens every time it happens every time. Everybody I know who’s married and then they start to say, get off me because that’s all it is. People start to think though.

Sorry. Like, is this it? Yes. Because they feel like, um, you know, we’ve been married for a couple months. The new is wearing it and they no longer go on dates because they’re like, we’ll just stay in. That requires work. Right. And you know, because she sees him and he sees her. He no longer dresses up for the dates. She no longer dress this up, they no longer have a plan. They’re like whatever. And now the anticipation. And so what happens at the start farting in front of each other and it’s familiarity. You don’t talking about familiarity breeds contempt. Exactly. Steve. And then it becomes like a thing where you no longer have that initial excitement, right? Um, a lot of stuff. Then you have a lot of people that are in their 50 [inaudible], you’ll see a lot of guys and there are 57 kind like a midlife crisis in their forties and like I need to like, I need you to make a huge radical change in their life, but there’s all different phases.

I get a haircut, but the point is a lot of people though, they, they really do. They get to a place in life and they say, I now newly married in, is that it? And then once you kind of figured out what your marriage is all about, a lot of people feel like their marriage isn’t significant until they have a kit. So then they have a kid when they start to think, well, are my life isn’t significant until I have maybe two or three kids and then they add a dog and then it’s different phases. And so for Vanessa and I, um, when we first started out, we were working a lot longer hours than most people do. Then everybody we note it does. I mean Vanessa would walk to office depot and she’d worked there. Her boss was a great guy. He had red hair, a nice guy, David.

Dave. Dave’s a ginger shorten that you worked in the copy center and with Kathy and Vanessa walked to work every day. Then she would walk from that job to oral Roberts University. She’d walk there. I mean I had the one car I would drive to work over at applebee’s and then direct TV and then target would rotate around and then I went from target to eventually to a tax and accounting software which is located near. Oh, are you spent. Then I went from there to 39 and 39 South Harvard where I worked at impact ministries. If you want a google earth that that’s 39, 39 South Harvard. The building is still there today, so we’re working all the time now in between the five jobs we had because she was doing cheerleading it. Oh, are you an office depot? And I’m doing target. Applebee’s, directv were each work in probably, you know, 70, a couple of probably 160 hours a week, but you don’t want to get stuck in that. You don’t want that to be your normal, but somebody out there listening, that’s where you’re at right now.

That was the business coach season that we were in and I think the power of why we didn’t. We weren’t like, oh, depressed. We were excited is that we knew where we’re going. Even then we had. We had goals and we knew this was the season we had to be in to get there.

This was the season we had to get through to get there, so I would ask you right now what season are you in? Because you don’t want the season to be the the. You don’t want to accept your current season as your forever reality, and that’s the thing that is so important to realize and grasp and embrace about seasons is they change. It’s not a season if you’re staying in it forever and you’re okay to stay in it and you’re stagnant, but if you can recognize this is a season and I see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can do anything for a period of time.

I think one thing that Vanessa and I share and then one thing that we differ on is that Vanessa has a very high pain tolerance, like crazy high, like she could maybe a rip off, like she could be like losing a fingernail or she could have something fall on her and she somehow like consultant through it. Honestly, she has this ridiculously high pain tolerance. I’ve seen it numerous times where other people will be like, oh my gosh, that hurts. She somehow can endure it and if I like have even a slight flesh wound, it immediately is like,

oh, the pain today are married. That’s what they say about their husband. If he’s sick, the whole family has the whole house has to stop, man, I’m sick. It’s like I got to fight through it.

For some reason I didn’t. I never take sick days because that’d be weak. Right. But I’ve, I’ve ever turned my ankle. She’ll know. It was like,

she’s like, what does that whining sound clear? Willie Cop’s house one time walking out of his house and he is one of these just stupid steps where, you know, railing like 90 percent, 95 percent of the times you have been injured. It’s because you haven’t been aware of your surroundings. I’m just throwing that out there. And this was one of those times. Was He walking backwards? Wall Dj walking straight. Can I just explain how you explained off? I suppose the way you walked off of. First off, he has a business coach staircase with no guard rail there. User problem. He, he’s, he wants to blame and you’re trying to say no I’m not, but that’s the reality is a massive staircase leading from the front porch and it goes straight and then it turns into 90 degrees. So. So you got that. So I just walked off it three feet in the air just to do the top, pops my ankle and it swells up like the elephant man. It was terrible. But Vanessa knows I don’t miss work, but I did like wine and cry like all the way home. I hobbled around dragging it like it was crazy. Very overdramatic. Joel Wila did you know, he broke his foot and he said he just dragged it around behind him for like three years. So I’m saying is I can endure though,

like for some reason I can endure like long hours of work, it doesn’t bother me. And so I also like it. So I think a lot of times like we’ll be in like a period where we’re just having this grind because I’m doing and I just, you Vanessa knows this but I’m not going to have any more new crazy grinds because everything else is, we’re good now, but it’s a deal. But like I went through a lot of these crazy grind moments where I been just like working all the time and she’d be like, you literally worked from 4:00 AM until 9:00 PM tonight and you did it yesterday and you’re going to do the next day and you’ve done it for like a year and so you are on, on down average working, you know, conservatively 19 hours a day. That is not good. And I’m like, well Dave [inaudible], I’m Kinda like, you know, I think it’s kind of funny. After I kids, I’m like, this is an issue now for baby. Listen, I am 114 hour a week guy, so they call me. I’m good at. And so anyway, long story short is that like I would have stayed in that cycle forever, which would have kept me from my highest and best use. I appreciate Vanessa pointed that out, but at the time, because I know somebody’s listening right now is going, but you don’t understand at the time I thought chuck, that she was even

just trying to ruin your dreams. And so I’ve been asked for somebody out there who is saying, I know I’m working a lot of hours,

but I’ve done it for 20 years. I know I wear all the hats, but I’ve been doing this for 20 years. This has now become my habit. I will say if you’ve

been doing it that long, you can’t see the forest for the trees. So it’s like, clay, you were so busy. He loves being an action, which is great. Um, so monotonous tasks that needs to be done that he couldn’t see that no, you need to have someone else do that and you’re the big picture guy. Like you’re going somewhere else. I guarantee you you are not deejaying for $200 a at the sand springs thing over. You’re not doing that anymore. Do you see that?

Like you want to go. I wanted to start building a wall by hand. Like the Scottish walls. Is this true where it’s made from just like random stone and then you just build it because I like repetitive tasks and I noticed that she never really followed up. I kept bringing it up and it never happened. And so now I’m Kinda glad maybe because I would have definitely devoted like two straight years to building a Scottish wall. And I remember you talking about this. I will kind of have a feeling I’m like, it’s going gonna look like have floodings like I’m afraid it’s going to be like up to Scott’s around Scottish path footings. No, no. They were kind of like construction guys who built it. They were not. Let me, let me pull it up here on it. This is what I’m telling y’all yet.

I usually wait for a call and he’ll be done. I’m pulling up on the big screen. Look at this wall. This is what I was talking about. Building here like this and just like, look at that. There’s no footings. They’re beautiful, but I’m just saying chop kind of A. There’s an arch that was mechanical. He is the Great Wall of China. That’s not. That’s not Scotland. He was going to build a great wall. I remember you talking about this already. That was a great way that we could pull off that wall and put a link please to Scottish walls. Soulless all across the street. Did you try to do this at the old house? No. I get build that long. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I gathered all the supplies so the person could build the wall and then we end up buying this house and so that’s what that is.

Gathering all the supplies and you stack them neatly because I hate. I hate downtime. I hate downtime. I hate it when you’re just sitting on the Pew. I see old people sitting on the porch like reminiscing will having tea. That’s so depressing to me. I hate reminiscing. I hate it. I just want to stay in constant business coach motion. I want to die in motion, give some input here because I think this is really good because I thousand percent true and that’s what like I just had to give him different motion. I was like, okay, you are someone who needs to be in motion but these tasks are not going to get us to where we want to go and you have so much more. He eats the same brain you’re hearing now. He had then, but he was only deejaying shows and so I think that you and I sat down, we made a schedule.

He was like, okay, in the evenings I’m going to do and made a list of things. So the kids were going to pay, play competitive chess, have these tournaments. We are going to go out and burn all these items. Vernon. Yeah, we’re going to. And so it just was putting new because you are someone who likes to stay in motion. I hate not being emotion, which is fine. And so we thought, okay, so to accomplish both our goals, here’s the act, you’re doing this business stuff during the day and now when it’s time to hang out with the kids, you know you’ve got drum lessons with Aubrey, you’ve got now with Marshall learning this recording software, there’s other stuff that you can do with the kids. So I love it. And that’s who you are as a person.

I want to give the po the polarity of this because I want to make sure the listeners get this. I have never been happier and more depressed in the same day that when the following situation happened, my wife, I would call her a check. This just in, I refer to my wife as normal. And so vanessa likes beaches. Would you, would you believe that? I would. I like likes beaches.

Surely you can’t be serious. I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.

So she likes speeches, she likes beautiful ocean, she likes. So we go to jet ski with the kids were in Tampa, Florida, by the way, had a great time on this trip. This is one of my first trips where I started getting my crap together again as it relates to traveling. So wrong. Kids called you out. I’m being, I’m being 100 percent serious. This is, these are real circumstances. We go to a place that looks like it’s being managed by the pirates of the bucket. And so we decided to rent jet skis to take the kids on the water and the guy. So Vanessa is paying for it. She’s talking to the lady and she’s The lady saying it’s, you know, 150 bucks for an hour or 300 bucks for two or whatever it is. And we decided we’re gonna read it for an hour and then they get you on life jackets and all this.

And so Vanessa goes out on the seas and she goes out there with Aubrey and the guy was telling us like, hey you guys, you want to keep the jet ski between about. It’s kind of bumpy out there today. Keep it between, you know, 40, 60 miles an hour tops, whatever, you know, you give us some numbers. I don’t remember exactly. It was a 45 miles an hour. You’re supposed to stick with them, whatever. And so as Vanessa is out there with apres on her back and they’re, they’re out there riding on the ocean and Tampa, I’m just, this is how I, this is how I process life and I just want the listeners to get in my head because somebody out there who identifies with me and someone who identifies with Vanessa so she’s having a great time enjoying the son. Her son on the jet ski with her.

I am looking at bucket here. Bill and I noticed that he has a flask in his pocket and he’s just taking little sips and I’m like, he has ripped jeans on, like Jean shorts and he’s got a shirt that hasn’t been changed in a few months. Then he just, he doesn’t look that great. And I asked him, I was like, so, so what are you doing? He’s like, I do the maintenance on. But it was like he didn’t talk about pirate, but you heard it, you said something like, you know, I do the maintenance, but how I heard it as I do the maintenance on the vehicles, but I’m not kidding. That guy is like not a credible dude. I do the lack of maintenance. Then the lady, she’s a like a, you know, a lot of people in their early twenties, after high school, they’ll go work at these places while they’re going through college.

So there’s a lady, she’s fit, she’s like probably 18, 19. She walks by and he’s like, oh look at that. And he starts like kind of hitting on her and all this kind of stuff. And then the guy next to him says something to the effect of, Hey, did we get that done? He says, that’s good enough. And I don’t remember what they were talking about, but I remember him saying, Oh, it’s good enough. Now I’m thinking the guy who’s maintaining the watercraft and my wife is now on in the ocean is hammered in. I’ve just witnessed it for maybe 20 minutes and the entire time he’s just staring at women, just ogling them and commenting and then the guy said something like, Hey, is that done? He says this good enough and I start to notice like, what in the world? Like, what’s going on?

They do deep sea fishing. Oh yeah. And I noticed that he’s handling like a lot of stuff where there’s like, you know, fish partner, you can see that it’s like it’s to smells fishy and there’s. And he’s like grabbing a sandwich inbetween, like doing maintenance with oil. He’s got oil on his hands. He’s picking up a business coach sandwich and I’m just like, what? So anyway, we get back from the trip and Vanessa has been driving 70 arbery’s like mom, dad, she’s been driving like 70 and so she, you, you, you have to admit that you were gunning it like you were just rare. And so I get out there and I drive like

12:30 AM, Ms Dot. He says 30 because I was trying to interject this one point that was all whining about having to go with mom and not being able to go with dad and we probably weren’t going to do anything cool or fast. He got off and said, I will never go with mom again. Right. You were rocking it. I’m just saying this.

I was driving like 30 miles an hour because I get motion sickness. I also don’t have confidence in the maintenance schedule of the vehicle. I don’t like going fast and I don’t like water so we can do in a good place to be. No, no, no. It’s good. It’s right here in the studio. Here we go. We get back to the hotel and Vanessa is like, hey, why don’t we go on the beach? We could look out over the water. You could read a book or whatever, and so we go out there and sit down. I the kids are out running around in the ocean and they’re doing what they’re doing and Vanessa’s doing. She’s doing. As soon as I get my book there it is. All of a sudden, like the angels are singing and it happens and I go back to my happy place and I read and I just read an entire our book.

This is why I want to say, but this is why I set you up for success. I’m like, bird, just bring your bus will go play all around you. You get to just relax there and just do your logo. Can you get so many ideas on vacation? I will say this. Every time

we go on vacation you are reinvigorated with great ideas because you can be in a quiet place just soaking up and reviewing things. I mean seriously. That is one thing that comes out of vacations is like, Hey, let’s meet later tonight. I had all these ideas.

Here’s what happens. I know I’m just being real. If you had a speedometer or like some kind of way that would chart it. If 10 is like you’re super happy and one is you’re depressed. I’ve never been more depressed. And when jet skiing or at near the water or the between like a one like unlike. I mean people are running around. There’s this guy suicidal. What’s going on? I mean, I mean invest should make. How are you doing? Fine. I was like, I can’t even most of the energy to even speak with. I hate it. So then I read a book and now on a scale of one to 10, I’m like an 11. I’m like woo. And that kind of ties us into the next point right here.

Alleviating each other’s pain points. This is what you did. That’s exactly what you did. I knew it was going to be a pain point for me. He knows my pain points. Um, yeah. No, I think that that is so important when you, you’ve been married hopefully long enough that everyone should identify their spouse’s pain points. Like I know what’s going to rile him up and he knows the things that I can’t take either. So when you know those things, you, you have an obligation to alleviate and make them easier for that person and that helps unify you as a team. And the great example is clave and saying, hey, let’s go on a vacation. He knows that’s important for me to bring the kids. And feel like we’re getting this great business coach family time together. Like I love that. I love seeing my kids having a great time. Yeah. And then I also know on vacation, okay, he will be game to go out on the beach and hanging out with us, but I know he’s going to need a book. He’s going to need his highlighters, these highlighters and I’m cool with that. I’m cool with, hey, you just relax. So. And that brings us together because we’re each meeting. Each other’s need there.

Yeah, it does. I want to just make sure that all of us are getting this idea. If you are married to somebody or your partner with somebody, the goal should be to alleviate the pain points and not to magnify the pain points. The goal should be to serve as an example. There is nobody out there who’s perfect. None of us are perfect, right? But the book, the five love languages, which Vanessa made me read at one point, which I did not enjoy reading the book, but there are things in the book that I cannot refute. They are true. I just have a hard time reading relationship books because I said to myself, this is so. The whole thing is Lou, I forgot that. Yeah, I. But anyway, this is what it is that one of his movies to say that all the time I forget about things because I’m not around a lot of woo people anymore, but if I’m around somebody who is, we’ll, we’ll, we’ll tell you.

We’ll, we’ll, I’ll tell you. I’m not afraid to tell you what your, you woo, Woo, Woo, Woo, Woo, woo is this. We will lose people that I know people that do this, but they’ll be like, I’m just trying to pray what job I should apply for and I would say shut up and apply for all of them and then while you’re seeking wisdom from on high, somebody hopefully will open one of your 12 resumes and you’ll have an opportunity, but just sitting around praying about which job you want when you have no opportunities at all. That makes no sense. People that pray about their marketing campaign, I see so many clients over the years have said, I want to pray about who I should market to. Let me tell you what you’re going to pray that any of the thousand people you’re marketing to at all.

When you buy a mortgage deed, right, you want to pray, but which one years? Who I market to? So Gary Chapman writes, forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a commitment and I think the best way to alleviate pain is to figure out what the other partner does that that they struggle with and what they’re good at and try to help them with what they struggle with it. They struggled with something. Help them with it. If you’ve struggled with something, hopefully they’ll help you with it, but you want to help the other person in their areas of weakness, but you also have to commit to forgiving because there’s not going to go a week ever, ever. There will never be a week where you don’t irritate. The other person is just never going to happen. It’s never. There’s never going to be a week where you don’t irritate the other person, so if you can’t get it through your skull, that forgiveness is not a feeling, but it is a commitment chip. I know in your relationship that your wife has never ever done something with ever, ever irritate you, but you’re the one who irritates her because you’re a man, so that’s very true. How often do you irritate your wife or you? Like once a week. Once a month. How often do you really just go, oh, that’s your button. I’ll hit that one over and over and over until it just explodes chump

once or twice a week. I’ll admit it. I’ll be honest. I’m an immature, but say a best man. Bear pig.

Okay. Okay, so here we go. In the last year it’s far enough. You know, maybe 11 months ago. What’s a situation where you really, really irritated your wife? If it wasn’t for her infinite well of forgiveness, you would be living on my couch.

I have a recurring one that happens all the time. It’s basically anytime we go somewhere in public together, she’s not as near as outgoing as I am and so it’s like trying to chase like a crow flying around like I’m just all over the place and she’s like, well you sit down and just talk to somebody with me for a minute. And I’m like, Oh, social butterfly all over the place. I’m like woo. And she knows that and I should do a better job. I know. And so like that’s something that I really have to work on, but I do upset her every once in a while with that,

but I, this is what I think is so great about alleviating each other’s pain points. Like you said, you guys have been married long enough so you know what they are. So now it’s just like,

now I say you don’t get to come with me. Just kidding.

The thing that alleviates that pain. Right? And I think that, you know, when I typed this outline and I was thinking about alleviating each of those pain points, I was thinking from the perspective of business, when you’re going through stressful times, man, there are some pain points. Maybe your finances are really tight. Maybe one of you or both of you made like a bad business decision out. Like maybe you, um, the hours are crazy. Maybe a, there’s a stress of being one person having to wear all these hats. But if you can come along side that person and know, let them know you’re there as a teammate, it’s going to decrease stress. Because when you feel like you’re in something alone, like you can feel like you’re drowning. But just saying, hey, how can I help? Is there a task that I can do maybe that you hate that, that I would be good at just the to let you know that I can help through this? Or let’s sit and make a plan for the business coach finances and know how we’re going to come out on the other side. Or this is the steps we’re going to take. But being in there, letting them know they’re not alone, that is going to alleviate that stressful situation you’re going through and, and not. And being aware not to push those pain point buttons, um, that are surely there. So hard for some of us.

No. The next, the next tip that Vanessa is teaching here is you don’t want to aggravate the other person’s pain points on purpose. Now I want to read you a notable quotable from the book. Forty eight laws of power shop. Forty eight laws of power. I love the book. Forty eight laws of power. And I’ll tell you why I like it because I see people all the freaking time trying to screw me in forever forever. I was not aware of the patterns. I would just see it happen and it could be like Vanessa and I are in California and my cousin will say, I don’t want to go on this particular trip. I want to just stay in Tulsa. So then while I’m gone, I come back and there’s like a coo in the office. There’s like crazy drama in the office and forever I used to not pick up on those patterns, but now I recognize that when I go on a vacation, that’s when the plot begins.

So Dr z and many wise people have told me, if you’re ever out of town, tell people you’re in town and if you’re, if you’re in town, we’ll be out of town because they always gives you the power. So like let people. Like if you’re going to come back for sure on Wednesday, tell people that you’ll be back on Friday. Yeah. And that way people never know where you are and then you’re never going to get screwed. But Steve, you’ve seen that when you leave young people scurry, everything happened. So back to this concept, find things that are meaningful to your spouse and do them and don’t aggravate one another’s trigger points. What happens is when you live with somebody, you know their pain points at a deep level. Oh yes. You like, you know, there’s a little sound they make are a little thing, a little habit they have and it just, Oh, you just.

Oh, I swear I just, so what happens is if you want to push that, you can, if you want to just be crazy, make them crazy. You can push the button. And so Robert Greene in his book, Forty eight laws of power explains what happens when, when cruel people are trying to play this game. He says everyone has a weakness or a gap in their castle wall and that weakness is usually insecurity and uncontrollable emotion or a need and it can be a small secret. Either way, once found it is the thumbscrew that your opponent will use to their advantage and I see it all the time. I see it all the time, so I’ll see husbands and wives attacking each other because the husband maybe struggles to read and the wife maybe struggles with sales. So the husband will always bring up, well, how much have you sold?

And then show is bringing you right that employee handbook now and it’ll be. You’ll see in reverse though, you’ll see it all the time where the, the, the, the husband will beat up the wife about how much does she sold or shoving him up about accounting and they just go round and round and round and it’s just a ridiculous. She’s like, read this. Great. Nope, I do. I do see that. I know I’m not kidding. These are real things I see. And so if you’re out there, I would encourage you to write down what your spouse’s trigger points are, but avoid them.

So here’s what I do now, whenever we write them down and then tuck them. Right, right. So whenever we do go out now, candice and I tried to go out with couples more when we were younger. I had a lot of single friends and so now I’m like, no, that’s not the move. God with couples. She has somebody else to talk to you except for Marshall’s partials out. He had dinner with us last night. He just hangs out.

So here’s an example. This is an example of things that make me crazy. Um, I do not do well at all. If you change up my routine, I hate it now. He does not. I hate annex, uninvited guests. I hate it. I just do not like it. I do not like when people move things, but the fact that my red stapler is missing today. I’ve almost lost my mind this morning, but I’m going to go buy another one because I don’t like. I don’t share things. I don’t do well with sharing tools, pencils, pens, space bathrooms. I don’t share things. I’m not a sharer. I will give you things, Vanessa, scene that I’ll give somebody a think and grow rich book. I’ll buy another window, the one for you, but you can’t borrow my book. I hate borrowing, sharing community. I hate all that. Like, Hey, can I borrow a shirt?

No. Can I borrow sugar? No. I will take you to the store and buy you sugar, but you cannot borrow my. I don’t do well with the whole neighbor concept of, hey neighbor, can I borrow some eggs? No. I’ll take you to the store and I’ll buy you eggs. Hake, click. Can I borrow that book? No. I’ll buy you a book. I do not do well with people touching my computer. I don’t do well with people. Uh, I hate it. I hate, I cannot explain to everybody. If I have like a TV, I want to be my TV and no one else touches the TV because I don’t like people change settings. I just hate it. I just, I can’t share cars. I just don’t do it. And so it makes me crazy when that happens and Vanessa knows that, but if she wanted to really make me crazy, she’d come down and reorganize the room and I would just like lose my check every week.

I was told that elephant like two inches. The lady who does our cleaning, who I absolutely love, I mean she knows. I’m like, you’re allowed to go down there and clean the floors and clean the bathroom. I’m like, do not touch anything she knows like she’s like, she wants to touch nothing. I touched nothing. So it’s very important that you know your spouse and you know what their weaknesses so you don’t make them crazy. Don’t go out of your way to irritate the other party. Okay. Now the next move, move number five, step number five to encourage your spouse in business and in life. You want to find things that are meaningful to your spouse and do them. So can. Can I use an business coach example? Yeah, go for it. Because clay is very good about doing this and you have done this for as long as I’ve known you. Like it’s not like you just turned it on one year or I mean from the time we were dating. So there’s all different ways you can find things. Clay likes you, like to do things over the top just because that’s your personality. Are you talking about like a Mariachi band for your business?

Like two days ago I’m at the office and someone’s like bringing all these balloons and a birthday cake and a band and and so I’m like, we’re celebrating someone’s birthday. I might try to get in line with everyone and I see  John is sprinting away from me. I’m like, it’s saying it’s you, it’s you. Because saying whose birthday? And so that night I had a thing like, it’s my birthday today. My like, wait, no, it’s not my birthday, and then it was for me, and so that was just clay loving to do something over the top just to celebrate finishing taxes me. Okay. Yeah. Finishing taxes and anyways,

all the accounting you do, that doesn’t get praised.

Well thank you, but I’m saying it’s very sweet and kind and it goes along way, whether it’s leaving sweet notes attacks, small gifts, words of affirmation and affection. These just go such a long way in doing small, meaningful kind tasks for your partner and clay’s very, very, very good. Okay.

Just say that. It’s weird how when you do things that make your partner happy, they like to do that in return, like a law of reciprocity of some sorts. So yeah, that’s very, very wise move. Not only does it work in business, it works in relationships. So what I want to encourage you to think about here is that when you’re in a relationship, when you’re in your marriage and you might say, this is stupid, this whole show is stupid. This is a great financial tip too, because you’re going to lose half of all of your assets if you get a divorce, so it’s, it’s, it’s great to not be divorced emotionally. It’s great for your kids. It’s great financially, so it could be one of the most important shows by. There’s somebody out there saying, listen here, buddy. Destiny, I want to hear about Puma, the inks in search engine optimization, and I want to hear about retargeting ads and I want to hear leadership and I want to hear with that. I want to hear about management. I want to hear about a deferred taxes. I want to hear. That’s great. We have a lot of shows about that, but the next point I want to bring it up is you want to find the things step five that are meaningful to your spouse, not meaningful to you, which has been kind of hard for me to understand. So as an example, Gary Chapman, the best selling business coach author of five love languages, writes this, make time everyday to share with each other some of the events of the day.

When you spend more time on facebook than you do listening to each other, you can end up more concerned about your hundred friends then about your spouse, Gary Chapman. So will happen. Is your. Again, this is, this is how chuck, this is how I’ll pretend that you know, weird parallel university and I are roommates. Okay. And if you and I talked and I got home from work, this is what I would do for my keys over there by the way. Yes, I see some. Can I see the keys? Okay. This is what I would do if I go. If you and I were roommates, can I? No, don’t throw them to him. He just handed to me. So anyway, I though if you just hit him in the face so I had to step back from a work. You know, we were roommates this way with all my roommates in college.

Okay. Here we go. We’ll just kind of role play. Okay. I walk in. You’re already there. Yeah. Subdued. Awesome. Hammon go workout. I see. See like. And that’s it. And then we would not have a single word. I would not engage at all and then mark my room and be like, dude, hey man, what happened today? And I’m like, um, when school knock stuff out, see, you bet. Like I wouldn’t, I never had a converse. I don’t remember having a conversation with mark until it was probably like I went through three roommates in three semesters. It was probably like maybe the third or fourth week he was my roommate. We were best friends in high school and stuff are grown up and he’s like, dude, I cannot be your best friend if you never talked to me ever. And I’m like, okay, what do you wanna talk about?

And he’s like, that’s the problem with you is you have to know a specific topic. And in order to talk about it, like what do you mean? And I said, well, do it. I don’t know. I mean, what do you want, what do you want to discuss? And he says, well, this girl I’m dating like we’re, you know, going out. And I’ve been dating her for two years and you know, she was a senior in high school. He’s a freshman college. And you know, we’re just not getting along and I just don’t see us growing together and we’ll break up and he’s like, dude, nevermind. I’m just, I’ve been dating him for two years. You just, you’ve only heard like 30 seconds dumper, like let’s, all I needed to hear is that you don’t like her. And he’s like, dude, like how would I tell it to?

And I’m like, like one, you just go stir, like never speak to her again. That’s one move. She’d figure it out after a month or two, I wouldn’t recommend that. Or do you just call her and say it’s over. And she’ll say why? And you say whatever you need to say to make her feel how she needs to feel. So you’d say it’s not you, it’s me, I don’t, I just not ready for commitment, whatever. And then you’re done. But like the idea that you know, how long you’ve been thinking this thought. And he goes, probably a year. And I’m like, no, come on man. And he’s got not kidding. We got into our first business coach discussion. It did not go well. And he’s like, dude, I wanted to discuss and now you’re attacking me. And I’m like, because you’re a woman, you want to hear the solution and not do anything.

I get it. You just want to be heard. You’re a freaking moron. I’m gonna go take a shower. So like we never spoke again. I almost at all now the only times we’ve ever taught, because he’d be like, hey dude, I need some extra cash. What’s a plan? I’m like, well if you want to Dj for me this weekend, you can be like, cool, I’ll do it. But like all my discussions are always tactical or strategic. I have no need personally. Forever emotional engagement at any with anybody. Anytime I don’t like it, I don’t get it. Now my wife who represents this just in a weird. She’s so normal. She would like to discuss, I don’t know, something, things, things in life that she’s open to any topic really. I’m pretty easy going. She can discuss football or America. You choose the topic. But my favorite topic, it’s usually silent because I’m like a monk saw dot good. That’s what’s wrong with you know. And this is what, this is what is going on in my head. I’m upstairs and Vanessa is like, so how was your day? And this is what I hear.

Silence. Silence is precious

woman. What do you speak in my head? I’m just hearing. And she’ll say, hey, no, seriously, how was your day? And I’m like, what it was, it was good for some stuff that we did work. And then, uh,

silence

happens where it has to like, because I think a lot of like our last conference we had on Friday and Saturday, we had a lot of great people and everybody who was there was really kind and they were an actual business owner. She had a really great conference. But so often during my day, the vast majority of my day is filled with horrible things. Horrible people like the majority, not some of the day, but the vast majority of my day is spent with horrible things and horrible people. And so I don’t like Wednesdays at 11. No, but you know what? Okay, let’s do an example. Let’s do an example. You know the situation, Steve, there was a guy that you knew this couple of years back, you knew a guy and he says, are you working with thrive? You said, yeah, and he says, well, I’d like to hire them to help me with my roofing company.

Right? Yeah. So he’s like, he comes to his first meeting. I worked with the guy. Second meeting, he’s late third meeting. He misses it. Fourth meeting, he misses it. Fifth meeting, he’s there. Maybe once I called the guy up suggest maybe we should just refund you this month that you’re obviously very busy. You can’t make it. He says that. I’m personally attacking him. He doesn’t appreciate the disrespect. He said, listen, I will be there. Okay. You’re not going to just cancel me. I want you. I want you giving up on me. And I’m like, it’s a coaching service. It’s month to month. If you can’t make the meetings, I don’t feel right charging you and you saw this happen. Well then the guy like booked a job and they never did the job and some old lady who was caught in the crossfire of this thing and like we found out his criminal record and we’re trying to find the gun’s going to google the guy, remember this, we’re trying to get with a guy and he has like a, a rap sheet, like super long for drugs, assault and battery operating business under a false name.

Doesn’t have a roofing license, writing hot checks. So you try to go on facebook to find the guy like, hey, if you know of this guy, uh, let me know because you’re, you know, because we’re like, if I help someone market their business on helping magnify them and when they’re getting leads that are coming in their inbox from their contact us page saying, Hey, you scammer, you’re trying, you know, I feel bad because I was complicit in marketing somebody and now to discover their scammer. Yup. And so you and I, we went back and forth. We, we, we dealt with this situation. And finally I’m like, dude, this guy’s like the shadiest guy ever. Uh, we had another day, it was about the same time we had one of our clients who parked his car diagonally and not parallel with the parking and he comes in the office and I go, how are you, man?

He’s a great man. Just brother just got awesome brother, man. Awesome man. Just awesome. Great. This is a guy who is normally a pretty even keeled. Great, awesome. Just Woo Woo. Yay. Let’s talk about marketing. Ooh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here we go. All right. Yes. Yeah. I don’t know what drug is on, but he’s on something, right? They were in the meeting and I look at him and his eyes are completely bloodshot and I’m like, so how, how’s your day going, man? I honestly, man, I hadn’t been home all weekend, man. I, I, it’s my wife called and I’m like, I’m his coach. I’m like, I don’t know. He’s like, I was, I’ve been gone for like two weeks. Didn’t tell her I was and it’s kind of weird, man. I’m just like this dude high. And it was the same day I had to the Roofer. Crazy guy in the high guy and you know what I’m talking about and it’s crazy when you’re dealing with a guy who says, hey, could you tell my wife I’ve been at the last two meetings? No, absolutely not. So Vanessa says, how was your day? I immediately start to go, oh good, because I don’t want to say anything that would start at weird. Like I think now you have a really good flow right now. You’ve got a gut. My employees employees are great. We have a great team.

We’ve had got rid of the ads. Now you’ve got a real feel better. No, but seriously. But we’d have one state, but you don’t want one Steve. You know what I’m talking about for years when I’m coaching with like 40 clients myself, it’s just me. I could vet them all and decide whether they’re a good fit or not, but when it extends beyond you, I have to make my best call, but I don’t know. Yeah. So yeah, we could work with a ton of pastor Brian’s are a ton of pastor, a chads or a lot of great business coach people out there. But when you’re working with a lot of sketchiness it’s, it is, it brings you down. It’s weird. So again, find the things that are meaningful for your, to your spouse necessarily to you.

So if your spouse appreciates conversation, then do it. If your spouse appreciates text messages and do it. Vanessa knows I actually don’t like text message.

He doesn’t. Yeah. Uh, no I, I to, you know, I always got to go back to Dr Laura because I love her. She’s my star in the sky and I want to just give a recap of a call. I don’t think this is so good. There was a guy who called in and he said that he was upset because he found out his wife of 12 years with had been having an affair and he was heartbroken and he didn’t know what to do. And she said, well why? Why was she having an affair? Like, obviously, like people don’t do that for no reason. And he goes, well, you know, we, we kept talking about our issues over and over again and you know, she wanted more time and you know, I spent a lot of my time at work and she had these specific benchmarks, these things that she wanted.

And so Dr Laura was like, okay, so once you knew then you guys fixed those things because why would for a little bit, but they’re not always just revert back to what I would do. She’s like, why would you do that? He’s like, well that was just a pattern. I would do it for a little bit and then I would revert back and she just slammed him and said, so if you knew, if she specifically told you what she wanted and you knew that she wasn’t going to be happy if you didn’t do those things, why did you not do it? He’s like, you would do it for a little bit. And she goes, basically you didn’t care. He’s like, you knew that she was going to be unhappy but you didn’t care. So he was like, you starved her and now she stole bread. You know, he’s like, she goes, you better figure out yourself because next time she’s going to go somewhere and just take the whole media bakery. So anyways, I thought it was very interesting that your spouse will tell you exactly what their needs are, just like you’re saying clay. So it’s like I need conversation or I need physical touch. I knew your spouse will tell you. Then all you have to do is do it. And once you know what those things are, if you’re not doing it, it’s just simply because you don’t care. I have a, uh, a heartache here real quick. You, you, you, you just compare it having an affair to uh, you know,

stealing Brad. I think it’s more like stealing cookies. And I’m not condoning any of that. I’m just saying that Dr Lorris take was, hey you, you guys knew about this for 12 years. It would be more like robbing a hot dog vendor has been moving. I see what you should relate it to. Stealing bread. I mean more like a bakery or a hot dog is more expensive. I mean, bread is very inexpensive. It’s more, it’s more like if you go, if you go to New York City, they’ve got the great street vendors. Yeah, you’re not going to like steal just a piece of bread. You’re going to steal the stage, the whole enchilada or the cookie or harmful to to come back to wherever

our listeners are in their relationship by the way, wherever you are, ask your spouse what they need. If they don’t tell you that’s on them. But if they can calmly and nicely say, yeah, these are the things on both sides that you desire and now each of you just deliver on those things that that’s as simple as it is.

I would have to find out what their love language is as Vanessa talked to Dr Laura call because you just given what you want to give is not the move. So like I got kinda superbowl tickets so she didn’t want to go. Vanessa knows this like I hate text messages so you sending me an encouraging text pisses me off because I don’t want it. I don’t do it because I just have too many everyday anyway, and it’s just one more like, I don’t like it.

I know causing you to go to that phone unnecessarily will increase your stress.

It’s an emergency. You’re out there and you’re thinking about, hey, I’d like to buy a man who doesn’t eat anything. Something. I love accoutrements. Chubb nailed it. Perfect gift. It’s on the wall here. Oh yeah. We got the Henry Ford and Thomas Edison out camping mastermind. That’s awesome. Yeah, that’s cool. That right there is a super gift because it’s an accoutrement and it can. It can. It can add to the pageantry and the decor of the man cave and we all know the man cave needs more decor and pageantry and so I originally was going to get you a new cell phone. Just an extra one. Just wanted to have on like at the ready for when a new email account loaded into, but some people need words of affirmation. Some people need affection. Some people need. So just ask your spouse what they observe, what they want. Be Smart, right to step six, praise your spouse. When have the opportunity, but I would advise you to praise them in public and in private, not just in private or just in public and especially in front of the kids. Vanessa, break it down. Why should we praise, praise our spouse in public and in private and especially in front of the truck, in front of the children. The children is

the big one to me because you’re modeling what a good relationship should be for your children and so that you’re getting, that’s going to be your legacy that you pass down to them and what they’re looking for in a spouse. So they need to know. And also it increases. I’m just the stability of their foundation. Letting them know that like, you guys are solid, mom and dad are solid. Uh, you want to also praise your spouse in, in public, uh, just to, to let everyone know it feels really good for anyone to be praised in public, right? For your boss to tell you you did a good job. Well, how much better does it feel when your spouse is letting people know that you’re doing a good job or you know, I know if, if I, if I run into someone in their spouses there, I always want to praise them in front of their spouse so they know, like this person is doing a really great job. I’m in private because it just, it’s meaningful. Just in those intimate moments, letting them know like, I, I care about you. I love you. These are the things I appreciate. So.

But you don’t want to say in public that marital holy sanctimonious sex wasn’t fabulous. You would want to say that in public, what is my best self? Like everybody. I want to propose a very public toast here

last night. Oh, that’s probably not a public thing. You’d want to. I know you guys are getting married, but I need to say something real quick.

Brighton in privately, you know, you’d want to think about a more appropriate pray. It just, just, just please be inappropriate.

Whoa, Whoa, whoa. Hey Elise. She’s trying to ask you to do something that Mr Clay Clay went to another place real quick. So, uh, throughout the nation here, have on the thrive time show right now where we have, I don’t know what we’re talking about, but I hope bringing it off, talking through. And I hope I hope that conversation Dopa, because youtube need a minute to an hour shopping, are going to leave plans, right? Let’s go. So then

step number seven, how to encourage your spouse in business and in life. Step seven, take time out to review your game. Plan together and celebrate your successes. A Oprah Winfrey once wrote, the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. She says, the more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate for your business. You want to celebrate achieving goals. If you’re real relationship, celebrate achieving business coach goals. Vanessa talked to me about why you review your progress towards your goal and the same thing for life on a consistent basis, at least a monthly basis.

Well, when you get down to it our whole lives, until we die, we’re going to be on this journey, on this ship trying to get closer to our goals. We’re never going to stop. Once we reach our destination, we’re going to put new goalposts out, right?

So the,

our life can’t only be about just the journey of getting there. We’ve got to celebrate our successes along the way of the journey. And that’s in your business. You know, as you and your husband or you and your wife, your spouse, have unified as this team and you know, you, like we said, you guys are celebrating successes along the way. You’re not pushing each other’s buttons, but instead you’re, you’re helping to come alongside and encourage one another. Small goals and victories. You sit down and you review your goal sheet, you see the improvements you’ve made, and maybe you take a quick weekend trip. Maybe you just go out for a nice dinner. You do something you wouldn’t normally do if a Mariachi band, maybe you get your life, a Mariachi band because taxes are complete. I don’t know. But, um, can I

Madonna?

Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. You want it your radio show. It’s

from the eighties here. Chuck, but you remember the songs is holiday. Celebrate holiday. It’s like echo. So the celebrate. If we took

a holiday, he. Yeah, come on. It took some time to settle the bray. He just one day out of life. It would be so nice. Everybody’s spread word come. How do you know that that was, that was uncanny. We’re going to have a say hey look, show it. Celebrating over there. But on the topic of celebration when you can include your, your kids and your whole family. It’s awesome. You know, I remember when clay got his first big award for us, the big one, it was the young entrepreneur of the year and we took the whole company out in a limo and thing is he’s only 13. Yeah, he was there. But um, I was a beautiful boy, you know, he didn’t have to include his wife and, and, and, but it, it was awesome. And Havana was there. She was a part of it. And I think that it just brings the whole family along on this journey. I’m so, yeah, and got to know when to speak up.

I wanna I wanna make sure we leave our listeners here today with actionable things you can do. The big seven steps I want to leave you with yet another, another, uh, song to refer back to. Okay? Because again, holiday celebrate. I typically don’t agree with the philosophy and the worldview of Madonna, but Madonna, you, you really nailed that. That song was probably one of your deeper hits right there. That’s a celebrate unbelievable song. But if you’re out there saying to yourself right now, Gosh, you know, my marriage is kind of in a bad spot. You know, I’m kind of in a weird, weird deal right now. Well, the statistics would show according to psychology today, only 17 percent of people right now are content with their spouse, which means that 83 percent of us have something to work on, right? So here’s how you do it.

Step one, set your goals together. Set your goals when together with who together set your goals together to recognize that you will go through different seasons in route to reaching your goals. Three, alleviate each other’s pain points for don’t aggravate one another’s trigger points. Don’t do it. You know you want to do it, don’t do it. Don’t touch me. Find things that are meaningful to your spouse and do them. Step six, praise your spouse when you have the opportunity. Step seven, take out time. Take time out to review your game. Plan together and celebrate your successes. Otherwise, chop. You know you’re going to do. You’re going to end up singing wham songs around the Christmas time. You’re going to be singing to your business coach child. You’re going to have like the soy egg Nog and your buddy’s going to go a bill. Do you know those larger nipples sipping on the Soy Egnyte? You know that I’ve been working on that actually stepping on soy egg nog. You’re drunk as a skunk and you’re going to sit you want and you’re going to require what? What? Bruce? Katelyn, what? But what? You’re gonna do.

You’re gonna want to cue up a song and it’s going to play. You’re going to say, last Christmas I gave him a hug, but the very next day you gave it away, but this year to save you from tears, I’ll give it to someone special and you’re going to just be depressed on the holidays. You’re going to end up living in a van down by the river, and so we had a guy call in who decided not to implement what Vanessa’s been teaching and I want to take just a moment to give him some time. He called it and I said, hey, listen, buddy, Brian, we don’t have time to take your call, but what I can do is you can leave a voicemail and we’ll type it on the show. Further Ado, this is what’ll happen if you don’t implement. Vanessa is teaching.

Are you? Kids are probably saying to yourself, Hey, I’m going to go out and I’m going to get the world by the tail and wrap it around and put it in my pocket. Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re probably gonna. Find out as you go out there that you’re not going to do 35 years old. I am divorced and I live in a van down by the river.

Wow. Wow. I mean, he had so much to say. We tried to weave in both voicemails. Just sounded like they could have said it might’ve sounded like something else, but it really, really. It’s really far removed what you think it is. [inaudible] name is Matt Foley. I believe that I’ve met him before. Christian Raleigh. Oh, nice. All so thrive business coach nation. You’ve got a lot of homework to do. We all have homework to do. Have a blessed day. Have a wonderful week. Do you have any questions? Please feel free to subscribe to the thrive time show school.com. And for $19 a month you get access to the workshops you get to have access to email your questions to info at thrive time. Show.com to get access to thousands of videos, thousands of downloadables. It’s all there. The world’s most effective business school at thrive time, school.com. And now with any further, I do three, two, one, boom.

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