How to Set Boundaries with Your Personal Schedule

Audio Transcription

best business conferencesThe world’s best business conferences america’s number one for free and you did it and your contact information to input drivetime show.Com boundary, setting a business coach. You know one of the things that I buy. My wife and I talked about. This is probably 2007 right. A big girl I want to be worth a million dollars before me. 30 minutes a chick okay. Now I want to fire my dad checknow i, wanted my wife says it’s not about the money for you is it and I sit down I just I’m really enjoy like I love, helping businesses. It’s like it’s fun to see him grow. What are the same time but jessica? Would it be awesome if, if you could like mint orchids, nice I know I like spending like every thursday I worked for free I volunteered for 7 years in a row for junior achievement the entire day, so I guess they’re like it my first class? Was it 7:50 or is a 850? My first class 850 I wouldn’t leave until 3 something and vanessa? Wouldn’t it be best business conferences awesome? If you have time to mentor kids on mike, yes and i, do every third I got the whole day. What about our own kids and I thought to myself so terrible, but so true and it just hurt, because it’s like the spear was logged into my heart and soul. I tried to act like it. If I didn’t have it, when you’re walking to the office of the spear lodged into your beer hard, it just got the weirdest people see. You know you try to act like we’re different outfits to kind of hide the spearthe overtime. I realized. What good is it to gain the world and lose my family? What is it to do to earn a bunch of money, and that’s why I had to set boundaries very high I can tell you. I did not do this until my son was born blind in 2007 in my wife’s book, I now I see you can get on amazon if you want to just get it for free call, me I’ll, give it to you. Cuz i, want you to like I want you to read it it took. Is it when my son was born blind and I realized I have all of the money, I could ever need and then some but I have zero time to attend his medical examinations, uber to the dean mcgee eye institute and we went there and the doctor says your son is is is blind. He will never see and so I need you to apply for this and that will have the state of oklahoma helps blind children.

And what, if you want a second opinion and go to this one, so we went to the exit to the next one and they said if you want a 3rd opinion, go to this one and I just would not stop and vanessa was in an inchbut. I didn’t have the time to go to these things. So bad. It’s actually went to one of the appointments by herself and then dr. Grubbs, a great great man. He pulled me aside and he says:hey real quick. You need to be with your wife when she’s going to this kind of stuff and I’m the fact that you’re not is i, don’t know how to I’m at optometry. But it’s it’s so I know who you are and it’s it’s disturbing. So whatever you need to hear. Please do that and i. Remember going all my gosh, you tooso. Now we get into ministry and i, see pastor’s one of my past girlfriends, very good friend of mine through a church to several thousand members, tells me I’m thinking about leaving my wife and i. Remember I’m, having lunch with a guy and I said what, and he said we just it’s kind of a deal where we drifted apart of the church is grown, we’ve kind of grown our separate ways and i. Think to myself. I know his wife I know him out he’s as we know it. Just she’s always focus on this best business conferences ministry. I’m focused on this ministry and I think he’s so close to the forest. He doesn’t see the trees and I said. Are you telling me you’re the pastor of megachurch you’re, going to leave your guys? That could be not maybe a good to go over so well, but he said:we’ve grown apart at the church has grown. We’ve grown apart, so I’m not passing judgement on divorce. It happens if i, don’t ask you guys. As a married couple, you’ve been together, pastor brian, pastor, jesse gibson you been together are people that haveforce terrible know. You guys have been together for 18 years. Correct me if I’m wrong here, 18 years boundaries, so that you’re as your church grows cuz, if even one member, if you did, if even every member of your best business conferences church only reached you one time a month, that would be a thousand conversations. Every member of the church reach to once a month. Maybe a thousand interruptions. How do you set boundaries, help somebody out there who has a business with a thousand customers or a church with a thousand members? How do you do it? Well, you have to get intentional. If you’re going to take care of this kind of  thing, you must begin to live an intentional way and just like vanessa put the spearing, you are jessie a good wife and a good mother carry spears right, because men are, men are built to run through walls, and then women come by and fix us and show us. There was a door right here. You could have walked through. You did not have to run through this one. This is true. This is this. What they do in life, and so jesse came to me and just told me:i was a joke.

I’m kind of a workaholic by nature I love to work, I was raised by workaholic i, don’t ever know not having a job. That’s right, I’m, a man! That’s right, come on answer or three and so I remember one day, I was supposed to have a day off and I’m, hiding in the best business conferences closet from jessie, not hiding from the lord I’m, not hiding from the world I’m hiding from jesup person who hid in the closet from their wife before to make a sales. Can you guess my wife and I believe the real I’ve done this so I can I can get one more, I’m in the dark in the closet on the phone? All night was supposed to be our family. They are day off and all the sudden the door opens in the closet. The light comes in and jesse too dirty I’m a bad man and sold it, but the light shines in on me and jesse says:what are you doing that much nothing, nothing yeah a little bit different than what is so she started. She started saying telling me what she needed and what I needed to be as a dad and as a father and I’ll. Let her talk about that, sometimes necessarily i. Don’t think all women get it, but if you don’t keep your family together, life gets real rough. You know. So it’s it’s not always possible to patch things that have already happened, but in our case we were each other’s first spouse that gave us a little egg up already out there half of your net worth don’t get divorced, no judgement on anyone or anything, but as a child from a divorced home. I. Think that I understood, like we have. To do something different to guard us to make sure that our kids actually have their mom and their dad that they love growing up in church love growing up in our family and want to come back to me and brian have a family, so yeah I want to do this up real quick before you, the family best business conferences statements there. Somebody listening-and this is this-is what you’re doing this is you. This is my family eye care hours a week at home. I’ve never had a job in so I know. There’s somebody out there who don’t tell you what I’m working 80 hours a week every week and I tell you what, if you get a trophy, if you do go to heaven, pastor by working harder, I’m going to die at my dad’s cuz there’s a balance. Pastor brian is more towards the I’m going to work hard I know you pastor jesse I mean you’re a grinder. You work hard, but there’s so many other listening to his wants to there’s a balance, but back to you and your families mission statement.

Definitely we are hard workers. We love to work like the color kids. We love to work, our kids love to work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, we love it, but at the end of the day, I’m looking at my kids and I’m saying king, the best thing that I can do for them is stay married and the best thing that I can do for this church is stay married and so I tell our families in our churches have this to them. Whenever you get done with your 40 50 hours a week, hopefully maybe even 60, if you’re right, you know if you’re going for 70 80 90 whatever when you get done and you go home, you just showed up to work and if we think of it like that, like our family, they won’t. We will literally prepare for abest business conferences presentation at our job for 2. Solid days, go to work, doing everything, but then we should have been home for like I’m just going to say it. However, it comes out I’m going to do it. However, it happens. I’m not going to make a plan I’m not going to have a specific day, so we started blocking out segments of time that were specifically only 5’4 argue real, quick on behalf of a couple people out there. That would disagree with you. Just real quick here, I ran, like hell put an 82 100 hours a week has been divorced, he’s been divorced from the same woman twice, so she divorced him cuz it baby I’m, so sorry baby and they got back together and then she left him again and-and he pointed out, you know, I I I am forgot to tell you. I am married to my work, steve jobs divorced, you know, but you guys made a lot of money. I mean just made a lot of money. You think about michael jordan I mean he he he was so good at basketball, I mean it’s just fun to watch divorced. So what happens is I would ask you right now in a moment of best business conferences clarity, a moment of hopefully you’re thinking about this a moment, a minute, I’m picking above your daily distractions? What do you really want? Because you can’t have it all and I know for me just my business perspective today was a crazy day awesome day. I had a guy calls me since I’ve been listening to your podcast and I called the guy that owns the tip top k-9, one of the guys going and he’s making a lot of money. I want to buy one of my friend. He wants to buy one too, and so today, which leaders, five or five people, five people that are going I would like to hand in florida who wants to buy three elephant in the room locations of guy in dallas won by 6 or the austin wants to buy it. It’s it’s so great, but it’s also going I’m going to grill chicken with my wife I’m, going to burn some pinion would waive the pasta.

Lets me where to go on a man run to reasor’s to buy some good a genuine bonafide organic meat to my wife will allow me to eat until you got it sometime, Say:i’m not going to return that call. So back to minister. How do you pastor jesse say? That’s the call I can’t return right now. I mean when is your:when is your off time when you’re on time help somebody out there? Who is a pastor who wants to help everybody all the time? When do you turn it off when he turned on? How do you? How do you set those boundaries? We made an agreement brian and I that we were going to make sure that our kids loved us and had enough fun that they wanted to come back when they didn’t have to her house and that we were going to make sure that each other will like each other. Those were two agreements were going to make sure that our kids would love being a part of this family. They’ll come back when they are not required and that we are going to like each other so every week about two things. First and foremost of everything we block out time with our kids weather that isn’t for us. We drive back and forth to best business conferences school like an hour or so we have an hour on each end about your power. We don’t waste that hour. So when I’m with my kiddos in the car like it’s, not everybody thinks it’s got to be this again. This crazy thing, where you have to set up this big, we don’t have to do major events, we’re doing life together, but we’re blocking out time where it’s just so when I’m in the car, with my kids on that drive i, don’t make any phone calls when I’m in the car, with my kids on that drive, I’m talking to them and gave him about their day. Every week we have a family night. Every week we have a date night and on that date night we ask each other. Do you still like me know? What would you do? We come back, because this is a topic we need to go deeper into want to dive deeper into this role for executive vice president of walt disney world resorts in a man has been married to the same woman is in tire life. He has to manage 40,000 employees and 1 million customers, and he told me this and I wrote it down. When I interviewed him in orlando, he says you either pay now or pay later with just about every decision you make about where and how you spend your time and clean that got your marriage and I’m mr. Disney calm down, stop being negative because he said the quality of your life is directly affected by how and where you spend your time. So we come back. I want to hear how pastor, brian and pastor jesse block out their schedules. Cuz my birthday pastor, a church of north of a thousand people and growing and are in the process of co pastoring a church in amarillo with another thousand people.

So there’s two thousand people in the church that can be 2,000 customers. Everybody has a question. Everybody has urgent burning fire. How do you set those boundaries they genesis drive time show on radio attend the world’s best business workshop, led by america’s number one business coach for free by subscribing on itunes and leaving us an objective review senior tickets by emailing, his group that you didn’t and your contact information to info at drivetime, show.Com, all right, best business conferences nation. Welcome back to the best business conferences conversation is the drive time show on your radio we’re joined here with the renowned business coach, eric, chop chop. How are you welcome back to the studio by feels like it’s been forever? It has been I have not seen you in at least 5 show segments and at least 2 hours, I’m excited and didn’t, and we’re going to have an exciting you’re going to have your son with winners in public illegal, illegal, illegal, illegal for joel, osteen, td, jakes daughter will be joining us a break side of me, a pastor brian gibson and pastor jesse gibson joining us from river, city, church and church in owensboro kentucky, and we’re talking about boundaries and I love asking you guys this question because I know your heart I’ve been around you guys and a lot of people say cash. When a customer calls me I have to call back I have to the customers the one paying my bills. I’ve got to call the customer back, sam walton would say the customer can fire everybody from the chairman of the board on down simply by taking your money somewhere else. A pastor might say:listen if I’m not responsive to my to my people, they’re going to leave and go to another church, but then I might say hey. If you don’t respond to your wife, you know she might leave and not your life, but other. So I want to ask you this here. How do you pastor brian, set boundaries? I want to look into your schedule here. How do you set boundaries as a pastor of more than a thousand people? You can see the not so much the left or right up the old testament model that I always teach when I talk about. This is king david. That david is an unbelievable man. If any god where’s the title, the great david, woodby david, the great he wrote the 23rd song greatest piece of music, that’s ever been written. The lord is my shepherd right. David took israel and put it on the map me to the kingdom. David was so successful. He gave like a billion dollars, laid it up to the building of the temple.

David david could do it all, but there was one thing:david was a warrior:david trained men, there was one thing:david couldn’t do. David could not take care of his marriage and he could not lead his children and because of that, even like an elon musk that does everything right putting stuff into space he’s doing all this pissed in his family has revolutionized online payment with paypal sure he’s revelite, revolutionized transportation. Now all the vehicle that car manufacturers are making their electric cars he’s created, solar city, which is the largest privately held its gorgeous. You don’t realize this is the largest largest privately-held energy company he’s putting solar panels on the roof, tops of homes everywhere he’s putting ships into space. He can’t stay married here. Here’s the thing:i love the accomplishment and I would love to meet elon musk right, I’m, not taking anything away from his best business conferences accomplishment, but as a minister I’ve been around a lot of people that are dying, I’ve seen more people die than I would care to you get used to get acquainted with death and I’ve, never seen a person say I wish I would have built my business, bigger, bigger, faster, stronger, more money that is off the radar. Not here I want to tell you. I would have build my biggest picked up in this bigger I wouldn’t go any faster. It would have been bigger because I tell you what I mean on my llc. I could have bitten off more if I would have been wiser about my nobody says, wish I would have spent less time with my son, and my wife and I would have spent more time building a business and also never seen them return a call to a parishioner or a customer after the right. So so it’s take care of your family. So here’s the way we do it and I got a tip. My hat to jessie she put the pressure on me because the the the wife is the nester and the wife like, like i, believe this I believe a dad brings identity, but a wife brings nurture you. Should you should not judge a man based off of his wife i. Do this because he who finds a wife finds a great thing and I noticed that I am like a mild retarded person who just happen to be good at business, but my wife really sets the standards and I think that’s too kind of set the expectations for the family and I just want to ask you to somebody listing of who runs the church of pastor jesse and their husband is just going 90 miles an hour he’s never having time for the family. How did you guys have that conversation I mean? Were you saying, hey you know it? Did you get my haiku? Did you give him a metaphor?

Did you are you a screamer? Are you a taser I mean? How did you win? Did you say? Okay, we got to set the matter. What I say, you’ll try anything scream cry:taize bring people in the front row and told everybody just at 2 to she didn’t use nice words and she’s after a while, but I was telling brian. We were doing all these things and finally, I just sat him down and I’m like look. This is the thing and one of the things I would tell you to recommend to you too. As make sure you get your husband around really great men that are really good at our families and then don’t raise cain when they hang out with those guys, because I think it’s important for them to like feel like it’s:okay, cuz. Those are the guys that start having best business conferences conversations with brian like really great fathers, and they were having conversations with the night. Kingdom I said listen. This is the thing we’re pouring into all of these people and I still like you. But time is limited and I may not like you in another year, so I’m just telling you that if you when i-and it wasn’t that I didn’t like him yet like I didn’t wait, till I was like all broken and falling apart. I just said:proactive I like this is the pill but accurate truth. I heard that I’m just letting you know ahead of the game that I might not like you in another year. If you and I don’t get some alone time, because I’m drowning in children right now and I have a lot on my plate and, like literally i, went to one of my friends and she, like you, have to tell him that the water is right here at your nose and you think you’re going to breathe it in and then he’s going to lose you and you’re going to die.

This is what I need from you. I need a loan phone free, no people in my space time with you or steve jobs, don’t stay married, but made a lot of money. By focusing on things. He says people think focus means saying yes to thing. You got to focus on:that’s not what it means it all. It means saying no to a hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. He says I’m actually is proud of the things that we haven’t done, as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to a thousand things. I would just say:i can I’m not perfect, but I think you have to say no to a lot and so I just want to get into this, because we got back from the break I want to get into where in a digital world, where there’s a lot, I’m sure they’re single women in your church, I’m sure they’re single dudes in your have a marital crisis, and it just a quick text. Now he’s back in the day used church main line leave a best business conferences message and then that the secretary, the assistant, the dude, could call you and set an appointment with the pastor.

But now, if you get, someone gets that cell phone number they’re going to use that cell phone number I just want to know boundary setting on the digital devices. When did bill dipple different time here, how do you set the boundaries on the digital devices that that to me is like the absolute question that so many of our business coaching clients struggle with chuck steak on this from a business coach perspective, cuz I know you deal with a lot of clients and thousands of customers, and they don’t know when to turn off their best business conferences phone or not I mean this. Is it has it’s a real problem? It is a real problem. The struggle is real estate. You were talking about resetting right here in the thrive time, show