The highest rated Christian marital counselor in Oklahoma, Shawn Maguire shares why it’s important to focus on what you can do to change yourself and not your spouse.
New Vision Counseling
The three big causes of Divorce and What to Do About It
Problem 1 – Criticism
Death’s nail of marriage
We have these expectations
DEFINITION – Criticism – The expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.
When we have an expectation of what a relationship should be, we get stuck. It is bad when we use a past example
“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” – Ephesians 5:25
I have an alarm that goes off on my phone that helps with my relationship.
It reminds me to find 3 things that are right or positive to address when I walk in the door.
A gentle start-up leads to opportunities.
Problem 2 – Contempt
A sustained hatred for what a person was and is
If someone is OCD in the relationship to the point where the OCD is more important than the relationship.
What happens is the person will turn to another person or another substance.
You have to find ways to appreciate the things your spouse is and does.
Premarital counseling is on the front end of marriage and you get the tools and resources.
The way we do it is to open up who you really are and give you the opportunity to heal past wounds.
1 out of 2 of your friends will get a divorce and most of those issues are not “big” things.
The little issues cascade into huge issues.
Problem 3 – Defensiveness
When you get to the point where you get criticized or you criticize, the spouse gets defensive.
You try to numb yourself and you end up saying horrible things to your spouse.
What is your background?
I have 2 masters and 1 bachelor’s degree
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